Sunday, July 14, 2019

How much is too much I

“If you give me 50 corod I will kill Modi” was shared on Facebook with a news link. Under this link post, a nepali [ Salim Yonjan Tamang - Bhai] commented, “if you give me 50 lakh I will kill Oli”. In the video a BSF Soldier [Indian army] Tej Bahadur was captured on mobile video by his friends talking about his intention of assassination for huge sum. Needless to tell you, it went viral in social media because Narendra Modi is the Prime Minister of India. You can watch it as breaking news on Youtube also. This is creating media buzz now. 

We live in an age of internet, google and Facebook. Everything that is in internet is in Facebook or vice a versa. It is said that Facebook alone contributes to circle around 66% of our daily news dose. We can imagine the impact of it when we know that there are over 2.38 billion monthly active users (MAU) as of March 31, 2019. This means if it's in Facebook its everywhere. It will circulate the news like wildfire and not just locally but gets circulated in globe, with millions of views within 24 hours.

The new age technology changed our life drastically, in a way to get informed, as well as the way we communicate with each others and share news with other society. This happens now in lightning fast speed. Facebook is the real version of the concept in a blink of an eye. But this easy and fast expression as well as circulation has not only up side to it but also a downside. Downside of social media and internet is that we now have overflow of news and views. What is interesting is, now a days; majority of journalists use social media to get news and views not just share their thought on it.

It is not easy to understand why negative news flies like storm and good news travels at snail pace. But, just because we fail to grasp the power of negative news truth is not going to change. This is the reason which pose a big challenge to those who are in media watchdog position. It seems we can control only the smaller number of people who are using it to get 15 minute news break. Sometimes it may not be even intentional but lack of  understanding of media and its lasting impact to the mass at large.

On his facebook post on April 29, 2019, Kantipur journalist Dil Nisani Magar came forward strongly to support Sr. Captain Vijay Lama to denounce the decision of Nepal Airlines [NAC] to terminate him from the position of NAC spokesperson. The journalist gave his strong voice to the flight captain making us believe that top heads in NAC did wrong with their actions against the spokesperson. Anyone could feel his anger, agitation and loudness in this thought when the journalist expressed further that, good people are punished and corrupt are enjoying. But, the question is can a corporate spokesperson practice his individual out speaking nature in public just because he knows couple of company secret as an insider ? Remember he is not just a senior pilot but, he also represented the corporate image in public being a spokesperson of the airline company. In his termination letter that was posted on Facebook by Kishor Shrestha, Sr. journalist and Editor of Jana Astha weekly, NAC sounded very professional than the angry and agitated Kantipur journalist.

Now, it's not the question of who is wrong ?  But the big question is, what is wrong ? Is speaking your mind is freedom of speech ? Ashutosh Tiwari, Managing Director of Safal Partners, Entrepreneur and motivation guru posted on his wall about this issue, making us understand that, one cannot practice one’s individual habit of being outspoken when he represent a company. Another question also rise here, should not a man with a long career history working in such high position know about basic corporate business ethics ?

When we talk about freedom of speech, who can forget about the interview of CK Raut by Rishi Dhamala on ABC which give Raut opportunity to use national channel for his extreme opinion to divide community and talk of nation breaking nation. Strong opinions are fine within the boundary of four walls; unless, those voice are provided platform to reach in mass media channels. Television is one of the most effective way to reach bigger mass in an instance, so journalist there must practice a little more than basic norms of ethics. Should not Dhamala be knowing the limitations of freedom of press ? Fine he did not know about it but should not the channel owner be aware of the basic norms of freedom of speech before exercising it ?

A little more than a year ago there was a news posted in online news portal- RatoPati. According to it a mother of 36 year old fell in love and wanted to marry his 19 year old son. This news made me question who gave him license to write news ? How come a journalist is not aware of the difference between love and lust ? How come we believe that the editor of it was not even aware of such news. Can we trust journalist who lacks the common sense to answer one question what kind of message he is trying to spread it society ? Does he or his team thinks this is press freedom ?

In April a journalist [Arjun Giri] was jailed by CBI for three days for his news of thugs based on the complaint of victims. Press council and FJ went up and pulled him from CBI to bring him under its net, not just for his safety but also to reprimand him not to do anything to come under the law.

As I am writing this, there is a video going viral on social media about the obnoxious behavior of a journalist [Sushil Pandey] when he had Deputy Prime Minister Upendra Yadav on Avenue Television’s studio. When the high ranking government representative repeatedly told him about his objectionable way of interviewing, he forgot he is journalist and snapped saying to leave the studio if he can not answer all his questions. What happened after that grabbed the attention of all those who keep eyes on media people and their behavior. After watching the video, media expert Mr. Bhanubhakta Acharya posted on his wall, he could not take sides as both seemed wrong in their manners.

Nepali Times posted on May 14, 2019 two days after the interview aired, “The arrogant, undisciplined, rude and bullish behavior of a media person is making things difficult for those who oppose the government’s Media Bill designed to drag down the press like a stone tied to the neck. This is serious and despicable. An individual’s mistake drags down the whole profession. Gatekeepers should pay attention.”

Sushil Pandey may have enjoyed popularity but people will remember him as the one who is not the kind of journalist you should sit down on your sofa to watch him to understand news. His behavior demonstrated that core believe which our media persons clings so desperately. According to that believe politicians have that magic key which solves all problems overnight. Ironically, DPM Upendra Yadav responded at a time we don't use Aladdin's lamp to solve problems.

Our media people keep exhibiting that deep rooted belief of rebelling to raise topics in media. Expressing anger towards the person sitting on opposite chair. Very few of them are trained enough to face those who carry different believe than we do. It is funny that public at large blame politicians for everything like flood, earthquake, natural calamities and all that goes wrong in our society. Some of our journalist represent them instead of making them understand politicians are not god.

Note :


    1. Second part of this article will be published in next week.
    2. Second part of this article will be published in next week. This article has been published in Samhita, Asar 2076. Samhita is trimester magazine that is published by Press Council of Nepal. 

    Sunday, July 7, 2019

    सामन्तबादका अवशेषहरु




    फेरी प्रधानमन्त्री सारा अतिथिहरुलाई साधारण कुर्सीमा पछाडी राखेर आफु मात्रै एक्लै अगाडिको निक्कै महँगो र मुलायम देखिने सोफामा बसेको एउटा फोटो सामाजिक संजालहरुमा व्यापक चर्चामा आयो ! हैन किन यस्तो राजाहरुले देखाउने ब्यबहार जनताको प्रतिनिधिहरुले लाजै नमानी सार्बजनिक समारोहहरुमा देखाउना सकेको होला ? प्रधानमन्त्रीले आफु जनताको छोरा भएर जनताको प्रतिनिधि हुन पाएको कुरा बिर्सिएको पो हो कि उनलाई पनि राजाले जस्तो ब्यबहार गरेको भनेर निकाल्नु पर्ने हो ? अस्ट्रेलिया निबासी डा. भरत राज पौडेलले केहि दिन अघि उद्घाटन समारोहको एउटा फोटोमा आंफ्नो राय यसरी ब्यक्त गरेका थिए, "दुईटा ईट्टा जोड्यो एउटा सानो रातो टालो ओछ्याइदियो गमक्क पर्‍यो अग्लो ठाउँ भन्ठान्यो त्यही टेकेर उभियो । न सुहाएको छ, न लगाएको मिलेको छ। तैपनी लोकतन्त्रले अचेलका केही झिना मसिना नेताहरुलाई अनौठो सौख र भोक जगाईदिएको छ। पछाडी उभिने पनि बेहोस् जस्ता देखिन्छन।" उनको यो अभिव्यक्तिले सामाजिक संजालमा अरु पनि त्यस्तै फोटोहरु देखा पर्न थाले. बिस्तारै त्यस्तै फोटोहरुले सामाजिक संजालको कुरा गर्ने बिषय बस्तुलाइ एकातिर मोड्यो.



    अहिले सामाजिक संजालमा सरकारी कार्यालयमा काम गर्ने केहि उच्च तहका अधिकारीहरुले देखाएको ब्यबहारले, गर्ने लाइ भन्दा हेर्ने लाइ लाज भन्ने उक्ति याद दिलाउछ । त्यसैले आज यस किसिमको ब्यबहारको सामाजिक संजालमा निक्कै ठुलो बहसको सिर्जना गरिरहेको छ । एउटा नगर पालिकाको मेयरले त समारोहमा ईट्टा माथि रातो कपडा होइन कि टेबल माथि उभिएर सलामी ग्रहण गरेको देखिन्छ भने अर्को फोटोमा मेयर ठुलो मेचमा र उपमेयर सानो मेचमा त्यो पनि यौटै कार्यालयको कोठा भित्र भएको देखिन्छ । के सूचना दिन खोजेको होला यस्तो ब्यबहार देखाएर । कसरी त्यस्तो बर्गीय विभेदको कुरा मानिसहरुले सार्बजनिक समारोहमा त्यसरी गर्न सकेको होला ? अर्को एउटा फोटोमा पुरानो मैलो अनि खुइलिएको दरि माथि त्यो भन्दा पनि फोहोरी देखिने रातो दरिको टुक्रामा उभिएर सलामी ग्रहण गरेको देखिन्छ । कस्तो लाज पनि नलागेको सार्बजनिक समारोहमा गति न पतिको सलामी ग्रहण गर्ने तरिका प्रदर्शन गर्दा ।




    यो एउटा भेदभावको कुरा हो । यस्तो भेदभावको कुराले हाम्रो समाजलाइ लामो समय देखि नै जकडेको कुरा कसैबाट पनि लुक्न सकेको छैन । धेरै मानिसहरुले त्यस्तो फोटोहरुमा सरकारी अधिकारीहरुले देखाएको सामान्तबादी सोचको खिल्ली उडाएको थियो र त्यस्तो सोचलाइ लछार्ने काम भएको छ । यस्तो ठुला भनौदाहरुको सोचले सदियौ देखि तल्लो वर्गकाहरुले अपहेलित महसुस गर्ने गरको कुरा पनि कसैबाट लुकेको छैन । यौटै स्कूल र कक्षामा पढ्दा पनि त सानो जात म ठुलो जात वा म धनि र त गरिब भनेर होच्चाई सहनु पर्ने । तर यहाँ भने त्यस्तो नभई यौटै अफिसमा काम गर्ने माथिल्लो तहको कर्मचारीले चार कक्षामा पढ्ने स्कूलको केटा/केटीले गर्ने जस्तो ब्यबहार गरेर आफै आलोचनाको शिकार हुनु परेको छ ।




    सबै भन्दा टेबल माथि उभिएर सलामी ग्रहण गरेको फोटोले चाही सिमा नाघ्ने गरि नै प्रतिक्रिया वर्षाउन सफल भयो । केहिले फोटोशापको प्रयोग गरि उनलाई बिस मिटर अग्लो बाँस माथि नै राखी दिए जसले गर्दा उनले चाहे जत्ति उचाई बढोस । राजेन्द्र तारकिणी, सम्पादन हाउसका सम्पादकले त्यस्तो प्रवृतिको मजाक उडाउदै आफ्नो भित्तामा [जून २४ मा ] लामो बाँस माथि भएको मेयरको फोटो राखेर यस्तो लेखे : "हामीले चाहेको त भएन नै अब यिनेहरुले चाहेको यसैगरी पुर्याइदिऊँ न ।" त्यसरी सामाजिक संजालमा आफ्नो कार्यक्रम गर्दाको बारेमा ठुलो बहस निस्के पछि भने महालक्ष्मी नगरपालिकाले प्रेस बिज्ञप्ति जारी सलामी ग्रहण गर्ने तरिकाको बचाऊ गर्न थाले । साथै प्रचलित प्रचलनको आलोचना नगर्न सामाजिक संजाल प्रयोगकर्ताहरुलाई आव्हान गरेका थिए । आफ्नो गल्ति महसुस गर्नु कता हो कता यो पहिले देखिको चलन हो र हामीले त्यही चलनलाई निरन्तरता दिएका मात्रै हौ पो भन्न थाले । जसमा निउज २४ च्यानलले एउटा कार्यक्रम पनि बनायो. टेलिभिजनको त्यस कार्यक्रममा भने मेयरले आत्मालोचना गरेको कुरा छ ।



    यसैले हामी भन्न सक्छौ कि सामाजिक संजालले समाजका कुरितीहरुको बारेमा आलोचना गर्ने काममा ठुलो सहयोग पुर्याईरहेको र त्यस माथि चौतर्फी बहस पनि छिट्टै भैरहेको छ । साथै, सम्बन्धित ब्यक्ति तथा सस्थालाइ तुरन्त नै गल्ति महसुस गराउने काम समेत हिजोको प्रचलित संचार माध्यमको तुलनामा छिट्टो भएको देखिन्छ । आशा गरौ कि यी छोटे राजाहरु आउने दिनहरुको समारोहहरुमा त्यस्तरी प्रस्तुत हुने साहस गर्ने छैनन् । हाम्रै समयमा नै होइन र हिजो मात्र राजाको अचाक्ली ब्यबहार सहन नसकेर दरबारबाट सपरिवार निकाला भएको ? अनि के नभएको राजाको नाटक दोहोर्याउन पर्ने ?

    पुन : यो लेख जनआस्था साप्ताहिक पत्रिकामा २०७६ असार १८ गते प्रकाशित भएको थियो.

    Sunday, June 30, 2019

    मानव अधिकारवादीहरुको आवाजहरु




    अहिले सामजिक संजालमा सांसद रेशम चौधरी खुट्टामा मोटो सिक्री बाधेको अबस्थामा अस्पतालको ओछ्यानमा सुतिरहेको फोटो भाइरल भैरहेको छ । धेरै जनाले यो अमानबीय कार्य हो र बिरामी अबस्थामा कैदीहरु माथि अरु बेला भन्दा सहानुभूति देखाउनु पर्ने बिचारहरु पोखी रहेका छन्. कतिले चाही सुरक्षा अधिकारीहरु धेरै क्रुर भयो उनीहरुले त्यस्तो बेलामा कैदीहरु प्रति अलि नरम स्वभाब राख्नु पंर्ने कुरा गरिरहेका छन् । केहीले भने यस्तो अमानबीय कार्यको लागि सुरक्षा निकायले माफी माग्नु पर्ने कुरा पनि सामाजिक संजालमा लेखिरहेका छन् । यसको बिरोध गर्दै  डा. राजेश अहिराजले आफ्नो भित्तामा लेख्नुभयो, “यस्तो काॠ गर्ने प्रहरि लाई कार्यवाही होस। मा .रेशम चौधरी सङ गरिएको अमानवीय व्यबहार प्रती सुरक्षा निकाय माफी माग्नु पर्छ।”



    त्यसै गरि हिक्मत थापाले आफ्नो विचार यसरी राखे, “आरोपित र अदालतको सजाय भोगिरहे पनि , स्वास्थ उपचारका लागि अस्पतालमा ल्याइएका निर्वाचित सांसदलाई अस्पतालको बेडमा यसरी राखिनु आफैमा अमानवीय हो । सुरक्षाका बैकल्पिक उपाय पनि हुनसक्छन । सरकारको यो हर्कत निन्दनीय छ र मानव अधिकारको बिरोधि पनि । यस व्यबहारलाई तत्काल सुधारियोस ।”



    दिनेश मांडूको विचार भने बरु अलिकति फरक थियो त्यसैले उनले लेखे, “अनि यो फोटो देखेर धेरै मानव अधिकारवादीहरुको भुत जागेछ, बढो अचम्म लाग्यो । कानुनत सजाय भोग गरिरहेको कैदिलाई अस्पताल लाँदा पनि यस्तै त गरिन्छ हैन र???? अन्य कैदिलाई एसै गरि अस्पतालको सैयामा सुताईदा तिमिहरु चाँहि कुन दुलो भित्र थियौ ?? कि अहिले रेशम चौधरी भएकोले मात्र माया जागेको हो ?”



    लिस्त्नेर्स क्लब अफ नेपालको स्थापनाकर्ता तथा प्रेसिडेन्ट छबि रमण अधिकारीको विचार सुरक्षाको त्यस कदमको समर्थनमा थियो. “अस्पतालमा उपचार गर्ने क्रममा सांङ्गलोले बाँध्नु ठिक नहोला,तर कर्म अनुसारको फल पनि त हो यो। राजनितीका नाममा नरसंहार गर्नेले सजाय पाउनैपर्छ। कैंयौं नरसंहारकले उन्मुक्ती पाएकै कारण यस्ता मान्छेको मनोवल बढेको थियो,धार्मिक ग्रन्थले वताएको मरेपछि पाउने सजाय जिउँदैमा पाईन्छ भनेर भन्नुस्।”



    सामाजिक संजाल ठुलो जनसमुहको मिस्रित आवाज हो भन्ने कुरा यसले प्रस्ट देखाउछ एकातिर बिरोधका  स्वरहरु त अर्को तर्फ सोहि कदमको समर्थनमा आवाजहरु एकै ठाउमा देख्न पाइने कहिले कहिँ यस्तो लाग्छ कि मानब अधिकारकर्मीहरुमा संबेदनशील त हुन्छन  तर कुन बेलामा मानब अधिकारको कुरा गर्ने र कहाँ त्यसको सहि प्रयोग गर्ने भन्ने कुरा छुट्टयाउन सक्दैनन । के सहि र के गलत भनेर छुट्टयाउने क्षमता नभएको मानिसहरुले सुन्दा राम्रो लाग्ने तर ब्यबहारमा भने उतार्न नसकिने कुरा गर्नु पनि बुझी नसक्नुको । मानबिय ब्यबहारको कुरा अमानबिय कार्य गर्ने मानिसहरुको निम्ति गर्दा कत्ति पनि नसुहाउने रैछ । रेशम चौधरी जसले एउटा मानिसको हत्या राजनीतिको आडमा गर्यो, बिरामी हुदा राज्यले अस्पतालमा पुर्याएर उपचार गरिदिएको भन्दा उ त्यही निउमा अस्पताल बाट भाग्ला भनेर अपनाएको विधिलाई अमानबिय ब्यबहार भन्ने  हरुलाई कसरि सम्झाउने कुन्नि ।



    यस्तो कामको लागि यहाँ मात्र होइन संसार भरिकै सुरक्षा निकायहरुले यस्तो कडा आलोचनाको सामना गर्नु पर्ने हुन्छ. अमेरिकामा पनि केहि सुधारबादीहरुले आरोपित तथा कैदीहरु प्रति नरम र राम्रो व्यवहार गर्नु पर्छ भनेर धेरै दवाब दिने गर्छन. तर जब कैदीहरु केहि समयको लागि मात्र जेलबाट बाहिरिन्छन तब तिनीहरु केहि न केहि अपराध कार्यमा संलग्न भएको घटना सायद यी मानब अधिकारबादीहरु तथा सुधारबादीहरुले थाहा पाउदैनन कि अथवा समाजमा शान्ति सुरक्षा कायम राखने सन्धर्भमा उनीहरु सुरक्षा निकायहरु जस्तो जनता सामु जवाफदेहि हुनु पर्दैन



    केहि बर्ष अघि जब दिल्लीमा चार जनाले बलात्कार गर्दा एकजना युवतीको मृत्यु भएको थियो आक्रोशित जनसमूहको ठुलो जमातले बलात्कारीहरुको लागि मृत्युदण्डको माग राखेका थिए . केहि महिना पछि उनीहरु मध्ये दुइ जनालाई अदालतले मृत्युदण्डको सजाय सुनाएको थियो. एक नाबालिग भएकोले सजाय मुक्त भएका थिए भने अर्कोले चाही जेलमा नै आत्महत्या गरेका थिए ती बलात्कारीहरुले युवतीको बलात्कार मात्र गरेका थिएनन बरु उनको निर्मम हत्याको पनि कोसिस गरेका थिए र सडकमा मर्नको लागि छोडी दिएको थियो युवतीको मृत्यु अस्पतालमा उपचारको क्रममा भएको थियो. जब अदालतले मृत्युदण्डको फैसला सुनायो तब केहि मानब अधिकारबादीहरुले त्यो फैसलाको बिरोध गरे



    म आफै पनि बलात्कारीलाई मृत्युदण्ड हुनु पर्छ भन्ने पक्षमा छैन तर रक्सीको सुर र हुलमा मातेर बलात्कार गर्ने अनि मर्नको लागि सडकमा छोड्ने मानिसहरुको निम्ति उठाएको आवाजले मानब अधिकारबादीहरुको बिबेक देखेर सोच्न बाध्य गरायो. यस्तो लाग्दथियो कि उनीहरुले मानब अधिकारको निम्ति भन्दा पनि सस्तो र सजिलो प्रचारको बाटो रोजेको थियो थाहा भएकै कुरा हो कि दिल्लीमा सन २०१४ को अन्तमा भएको उक्त घटनाले त्यतिबेला विश्व नै बलात्कार बिरुद्दको अभियानमा एकजुट भएका थिए

    पुन :  यो लेख जनआस्था साप्ताहिक पत्रिकामा २०७६ असार ११ गते प्रकाशित भएको थियो. तर त्यहाँ तपाई मेरो नाम भने देख्नु हुन्न.     

    Sunday, June 23, 2019

    Hashtag Me Too


    Couple of years ago hashtag me too campaign was started where women from all walks of life and corners of the world came forward to speak about the sexual harassment they have faced in the career they choose. When top Hollywood and Bollywood celebrities joined the campaign, it made the work of other sector women a lot easier than ever before. Some raised question why women are talking about the harassment that happened more than ten or twenty years before ? What they want to prove now ? are they trying to spoil the image of some big celebrity ? The one who raised these questions to me was a man and when he termed celebrity he meant only men, who harassed women especially when they were young and starting their career.


    Is not this interesting, there are men who think celebrity mean only men ? In the Harvey Weinstein case Angelina Jolie, Ashley Judd and Gwyneth Paltrow joined hundreds of other movie star or wanna be stars who had been the victim of his harassment. It is said that over the period of thirty years he had sexually assaulted more than thousand women. For the first time a showbiz industry witnessed the fall of a man due to his exploiting nature. He could exploit many women in the industry because he was in a position to exploit them, studio Head.


    There is a saying that goes in some area and it seems mostly in the showbiz industry, ‘everyone does this. Or you have to lose something to gain something. Some of the women who survived it tells you, it’s just few corrupt men who are exploiting you not all of them but the few of them spoils the image of rest of the men. Let's go back to that question, why it takes twenty years to come out and speak what happened then ?

    Opening up to talk about the sexual assault is not an easy even for the most outspoken person. The incident freeze mentally to those who have gone through this episodes. It takes years to come forward and then sum up the courage to speak without fearing what others will say about the incident. Like in my case when one brother raped me another brother did not believe me. And this information was limited only three of us until you are reading it now. He did not believe me even if I was in shock state and could not feel easy to talk about it that is why I had written a letter telling him about the ugly incident. In my recent talk about it he said, you are not sure because of medicine. I told him in anger that just because I can't remember the whole episode doesn't mean that it was not a rape. It was rape even if you don't believe me. Honestly speaking, when I was a teenager I didn't know I was drugged. I could not figure out how could drinking frooti and curd make me so drowsy. But confusion lasted until I became keen learners on   watching crime shows and criminal analyst understanding of sexual sadist.

    When I was raped my brother was about 13 years older than me. After that incident for about 13 years I did not stay in touch with any of my brothers, five of them in total. Once I established my connection with my other brothers they were strictly told not to give my phone number to the one who raped me. Ironically, one of my brother whom I told about the rape does not even believe me. Being raped by one and other not believing me what I had gone through broke me from deep within. That broken part of me was frozen over the period of time.

    As much as I want to forget it, I remember that night, even today. After my full day work, I was preparing our dinner that evening. One of my brother was living with me. At this point it is better if I tell you that I was not even SLC passed then but I was working and making my living at the age of seventeen. I had rented only one room but because I had already paid four months rent,  I was using two rooms instead of one. Strangely, the landlords did not complain much about it for couple of months. I was using one as my bedroom and another room was kitchen, where one of my brother used to sleep. As I was on the half way of cooking dinner he walked in with a frooti in his hand and a small clay pot of curd. I still remember that one teaspoon of curd was removed from it, it looked like somebody else tasted it. Because I like yogurt so much, I ate some of it while I was cooking and drank few frooti. I felt sleepy before having my dinner. So, I went to my room locked it from inside leaving my key on the door. I do not remember eating meal that night.


    When I half woke up after couple of hours, I remember somebody [definitely my brother] trying to open my door from outside. After  hours of trying to open it, I still remember the cling sound of key hitting on the cement floor of my room. At that time I was so drowsy that I still was not in a condition to rise from my bed and go to lock my door to keep him outside.

    At this point it's a must for me to share with you one fact, I never had any trust in his character even if he was my brother, yes not even when I was in my teen years. There was always a lust in his eyes. It was for all girls not just me. But because, it is my youngest brother who brought him to stay with me, without showing any decency to offer to help pick my food or rent bill during his stay with me. None of them offered to pay it.

    I remember he giving me massage on my inner thigh mostly. perhaps my breast also but that part I cant remember. Today, I could not remember much talk he was trying to make sense of his action at that time. But one or two lines refuse to leave me even today. “If you submit yourself for my needs, I can bear all your cost all my life”. Another was he doubted I had physical relation with another man before him. He named a man who used to stay in a room when I shared our kitchen with a single christian woman living in Balaju and working in its Industrial area. What he thinks, I have to be his sex slave to be protected and provided ? or I should not object to have physical contact with him because there was already a man, of courses in his mind - I had slept with ? Sick people give sick reasoning.

    Next day when I woke up the drowsiness was all gone. But I knew something bad had happened to me. I did not went to work that day but went to a shop that had landline phone to call my youngest brother and requested him to come to my place as soon as he could make. He did not came immediately when he was needed. When I waited for him, I locked me in my room and then wrote a letter to my youngest brother. I did not think it was necessary for me to cook a meal again to feed rats like him nor I had to let him stay with me any more.

    I am not weak but I don’t confront people as much as I should. When Sukdev, my youngest brother came I handed him the letter I wrote. He was uneasy to deal with this case as he is a church member so he don’t confront his brother for something like sexual assault. He left almost immediately without saying anything, not even some words of consolation. That day, I was totally lost. I have lost words to explain such behavior on me and I have lost in my own deep thought but could not talk about it. I went to my work only for half day but after work I did not return to my rented apartment for almost a week.

    It was that time when I had almost no where to go and stay, this problem stays with me even today. So, I went to stay in a didi’s apartment where I have stayed together for about six months before I have recently moved to current rented house. I had to stop sharing kitchen with her only because of inappropriate comment of my two brothers, who used to come and stay with me. She was a christian woman living alone but quite frequently her mother and daughter used to join her. When I went to stay with her, her mother was with them. I could sense it they did not like me staying there for more than two days. But they did not open their mouth to say it nor they said me to leave them immediately. On my part, I could not open up with them why I was so dazed, lost and needed to stay with them for some time.  That drug and rape combined with my other brother not believing me have sent me into emotional locked up zone. A little less than a week later I returned back to my new rented rooms. The sexual predator was gone and I have not seen him again after that day.


    In general men exploit girls/women, when he is the one; who is protector and provider. But in my case my brothers have never ever been my protector or provider. Its me who was working and picking up my food and rent bills and it's me who is picking up my tution fees. And yet he felt comfortable to exploit me while eating the food I bought and enjoying the shelter I provided. Men like him is mentally sick and that sort of  behavior disgust me.

    As I mentioned earlier, it took me more than twelve years to reconnect with my youngest brother [Sukdev] for his disbelieve in me as well as to gain confidence that I can keep the sexual predator away from my contact. By that time he was married and have became a father of two boys. After that I slowly started to talk with other brothers as well. Out of six siblings, I am the youngest one and only girl in the family.

    Now, when I open up about it; it has two intentions in it. One is just because when one of your brother rapes and another brother do not believe in you, it does not mean you are not sexually assaulted. I have grown up now to know enough that his mistrust in me is not going to change the truth anyway. Just because I was drugged and can't give you full account of the incident doesn't mean I did not know who was touching me or talking to me that night. The house was in very quiet and secure place with no criminal activity in the past. No one could enter in my locked room, unless that one is insider. Another is, why the assaulter should let go free without facing any consequences for his serious flaw in moral character ? I doubt he feels guilty nor I could make him feel guilty of his sickening behavior then. Does this mean he is free to go out and then exploit another one ? What if all of them remained silent thinking nothing can be done in case like this and no one is going to help so keep quiet ! And if you are one of the victim of incest rape many family members do not help much hoping and fearing this is not we. pretending all our pride and prestige entirely hangs on this one issue.

    I avoid confronting people and I take pride in saying I am not feisty and catty but this also does this mean I should let go a man who raped me and then never felt guilty, and never punished for his sickness. For that very reason I feel so dreadful with the idea that no one is there to make him feel guilty and punish him for what he did to me. What is needed to do to make him feel guilty and bad for what he did to me when I was teenager ?  You now what even my pastor brother do not have any answer to this question not he confronts his brother. Oh yes its the religious and now pastor brother of mine who did not believe in me in my teen years.

    #metoo

    Sunday, June 9, 2019

    Should I leave him ?




    I make it a point to call Kamala* Didi or visit her on regular basis so she expects me to call her. It’s been about two months I have not been to her place nor I have called. So, when I called her she was hoping to see me as soon as possible. I was not in a rush to see her but she said soon she is planning to visit her hometown for about a month or so, that is the reason I managed to visit her.

    After normal conversation with tea she started opening up about what is troubling her so much for about two months by now. She also waited until her husband left the place to talk about the things that is bugging her to the max. She has been living with abusive husband for years and now with recent outburst of abusive and violent behavior of him she has come to the point it makes no sense to live with him like this anymore. His insecurities and suspicious nature of she having an affair with another man [ she says too old to have a relationship ], creating a scene that forced her to leave her job, and confronting the man in doubt on the street. The man in doubt is an old man, who she is in touch due to her believe in Sai religion and they interact in the temple when there is some event. Kamala Didi has that manner which makes people around her at ease and she is really warm and friendly. This very nature is what makes him so very suspicious of her. As if that is not enough recently he confiscated her mobile phone, cutting all the contact with others. The worst part of all this is he has not just been verbally abusing her that too, in front of her three grown up children but also violent in his behavior. Now, he is hitting not just her but also the one who is standing to protect her.


    Sharmila** the daughter of Kamala Lama lives with them with her family has to be the victim of his violent behavior. It seems that Sharmila is the only one who is standing with her mother as he brainwashed so much the mind of two others who listen him more than their own mother, especially the son, middle child, who had been apple of her eyes which occasionally created a fierce sibling rivalry among siblings.


    Listening them patiently made me feel, it seems Kamala didi - and Sharmila, the daughter of her - thought carefully about all the options in hand and then came to one decision. Time to take step and action. Thinking me as an insider she opened up  the reason behind the violent behavior of him. Now when at the age when both of them are grandparents, his demand for physical needs is not being met is one of the reason he is behaving so violently. “If you have not been sleeping with others then you could be able to meet my needs” or “its your dharma to meet my needs” the ancient tantrum men throws at women. This reminded me Kamala didi telling me how she is suffering from over bleeding during her period that was making her weak for months. She talked about this over bleeding in winter times.


    One of the reason Sharmila is standing like rock pillar with her mother is because she has seen how physically demanding her stepfather had been when it comes to his sexual needs. He did not care that they shared the same room with three children. During her preteen and teen years Sharmila had no option but to be the witness in the dark of her parents physical relationship. Sharmila added in the conversation, he demanded his physical needs be made even when she had period and she over bleed, and she suffered from acute pain during her period.


    At the very young age of 11-12 Sharmila slowly began to understand the pain of her mother and reason behind it. Not being able to share it with anyone she was deeply disturbed. When she was about fourteen she was engaged with a young man who decided to go to abroad to make couple of bucks like thousands of other youngsters of this country. The young chap had been the one who had  been the reason behind her calm mind and peace in her life at that time but when he went to Malaysia Sharmila’s mental disturbance picked. 2007 or 2008 she was admitted to mental hospital for more than a month, Kamala didi had not told anyone the reason behind her mental disturbance. Sharmila had told me about it only after six months or so when medicine cured her mental disturbance. This is one case I am the eye witness of how mental illness can be cured with proper medicine in due course of time.


    I have seen both of them at that terrible time, how they coped that hard time with so little money in hand. Kamala didi used to earn her living washing clothes in many houses she could cover in a week and her husband is a painter. I have known them as a next door neighbour about a year before of that hard time and then after ten years of Sharmila’s marriage to the young chap who is now father of a young girl that makes Kamala didi a grandmother now.


    Kamala Didi think about all what is happening now and what had happened in the past so she made her mind to leave him. But before she walk on him, like all the woman  she wanted to ask some who know her well, what she should do now ?


    This simple question reminded me of many marriage counselors I have seen in movies.

    But more than that this question reminded me of the counselors in a book I have read That book is published by Rakschhya Nepal on its tenth anniversary. In the book one story of a woman caught my eyes. It was a story of a woman who entered into flesh trade at the request of her husband to make money and give him to spend. Over the time she wanted to leave him but the counselor of Rakchhya Nepal advised her not to leave her man. One question crossed my mind why does she need a man if she had to sell her body to make living for two ? If he cant bring financial security in life then why he is needed ?

    When I shook my head I heard Kamala didi saying, I can't live with him like this anymore. This two month have been like hell. I have lost my job on top of that there is no peace of mind; nor respect in the eyes of my own children. So she asked me again, what do you think, should I leave him ?


    This is a tricky question. Normally, you should not put yourself in between a married couple or their fight which some mistakenly compares it with hey fire.  Some regards it private affairs you should not be caught in middle of it. But that is running away from the responsibility as well as trust put on you to answer the hard question. So, I asked her what you want to do ? She said, I better leave him than live like this. Then I responded then do so, but when you leave him do not leave him like a free bird. Make sure he pays for the college fees of your children and living cost of yours before you leave him.  There are people who will help you to get justice in this case and there are law which will support you. Do not allow him to raise his voice and hand. Show him you can survive on your own without being treated like an animal who depends on him for food or shelter. If he does not behave properly and treat you with respect then situation is not going to be better for him in the long run.


    Kamala didi had been very hard working person so she is not afraid to work hard to be free from abusive man. How she has her three grown children also to support each other.

    *Names are changed due to privacy reason.

    **Sharmila Lama today is a college student, which she resumed after marriage repeating 9th grade twice and passing SEE when her daughter was on her l.

    Sunday, June 2, 2019

    Water tank that overflew for more than 24 hours




    The water tank that is opposite to my window is dry now for couple of days. It was not the case before. It used to wake me up with the sound of water hitting on the floor that distracted me constantly. That was because it kept overflowing for hours once it was filled. At first I thought it’s a mistake, which is very much part of we being human. Mistake is mistake and it should not be taken as ill intention unless it's proven so.  But, when I heard that sound of overflowing water hitting ground almost repeatedly then its is not hard to understand, that is not just a mistake that happens occasionally. It's must have became habit to some government staff working there.

    What caught my attention is once we took it to facebook the water tank is left dry for days. We don't draw the attention of concerned people to get the extreme result like this. Everyone must have excess to 24 hours running water on tap, but to have that facility no one needs to leave the tank overflowing for hours after its filled. Definitely not for 24 hours which somebody did on May 22 -23, 2019.  I have a question to ask to the top most officer in this building.  How come the Purchase Department in the parliament building is not aware of 5000 liter capacity of water tank that can store the water for big needs like yours. This might need hours to refill the water and they can sleep or go shopping after running a machine. But it does not take more than an hour [that is maximum if the machine is of lower capacity] to fill the 1000 capacity water tank which that building has.

    Needless to tell you, this news found its place on facebook post, that was addressed to Hello Sarkar. “Is this possible to inform the parliament building management team not to leave water overflowing from the tank like this for two hours at times and this time it’s for almost 24 hours since yesterday morning. Water shortage is one of the serious issue in Kathmandu at this time of the year. Besides, Government office like this may have budget for this however we all are overburdened by the national loan, so taking care of small matter like this will be helpful. Thank you for your Prompt action on this matter.”

    On May 29, 2019 follow up post came on facebook like this, “after five days of dry water tank due to the facebook reporting to #HelloSarkar today the water from parliament building is overflowing for more than two hours now. How long it takes a staff to run to a machine room and switch it off ? Are they trying to tell us we work in big place ?


    More follow up updates was posted on that day as posted below.
    It 4:16 PM now and the water is still overflowing. now it’s been about three hours of overflow of water. in less than an hour the office will close will they remember to switch off the machine.

    It 6:15 PM now and the water is still overflowing continuously. now it’s been about 5 hours of overflow of water. What is the excuse ? parliamentarians gathering today in the building ?

    At last the machine was switched off well past 7: 15 PM, perhaps that was the time when all the parliament members left the building. This means the water was left overflowing for more than six hours. The question is how come this can not be controlled ?

    It’s absolutely alright to provide nonstop water supply on tap when the delegates and distinguished members are in the building. But, this also does not mean that the machine is left running for hours after the tank got filled. That is height of negligence, laziness and irresponsible behavior shown from the side of staff responsible for this task. Lower level staff being lazy is not a new thing to anyone working in big organization or government offices, however, it is the responsibility  of middle management to take the matter in hand. So, that they should not be that lazy during work hours. Five to ten minutes overflowing daily may be excusable but leaving the water tank overflowing for two to more than 24 hours non stop should not be taken lightly. Action must be taken against those who left it unattended for that long hours straight at a time.

    Overflowing water tank
    Video record is posted here to support this news.  There are plenty of staff passing by the overflowing tank. Staff walking around the tank did not do anything to make it stop. They just did not seem concerned about it. They exhibited that attitude government staff of this country carries, it's not yours nor its not your fathers. So keep quiet.I missed one thing, when it was overflowing nonstop for hours and hours on May 22 and 23, 2019 I wanted to record it for whole time to show them proof of it but then I thought that I do not have that big budget like our government to waste, to keep running machine for more than twenty four hours.

    Note : This post is based on a conversation with a college student who lives in a building that face the parliament building.


    Sunday, May 26, 2019

    Word Game for your child



    Dipina Thapa, Age 6
    I have found a new word to write Dipina said when she visited me recently. Dipina is just seven year old and like all the bright child she has a sharp mind. Yes, like all the girls she is super chatty, who would like to spend time with me when her mother is busy on her mobile or in her work. Anu is a working mother and who can't give all her time when Dipina is around before or after school hours. That is the time Dipina would like to spend her time with me. I make it sure it's only after school. But, just because Anu do not have time for her does not mean I have all my time for Dipina. I  also have work to do but Dipina is not ashamed to admit, I am your tail and she keeps tagging me even at times I do not not want her around me. There are times when I tell her to leave my room then she won't listen. There are times she won't hesitate to retort, I won't go. What can you do if a child is so attached to you and thinks she is the whole part of our life !

    It was then I got one game for Dipina which I was taught by an american teacher when I was before my teen years. I was not that young as Dipina is now. So  this helped me  keep her active mind busy all the time, I mean when I do not want to chat with her or feel disturbed by her presence. In this game we can think of the word and write as many word as you can without adding a single letter that is not in the word we pick up to play with. We started with word elephant in the beginning and then after playing all the words we started playing with her name I mean her full name, Dipina Thapa Magar. For our convenience later on we changed one letter in her name making it Depina so that we can use letter e to form many words. Slowly, Dipina started liking it and got addicted playing with this game. Love it or hate it she stick with her name only, as it gave her more confidence. One of the reason is by now she could remember as much as forty words that came from her name.  As time pass by she could write so many words mostly because her small brain could remember many words we played last time and then fill the page next time we played. With time she progressed so much she can write up to 40 words from her name. She cant form many words if I gave hr new words and she throws the idea of playing with new words. Oh yes she is extimist to some level.

    When we started about a year ago to play this game it was about three word from her side and mostly I used to fill the page making her understand the meaning of all the words I wrote. Then we reach  over thirty filling the page and then it was time for her to come up the words and write. First five and ten and then twenty. Every time she wrote her demand is I match her number in the list and the rule is not even a single word should be same in our list. She is such a competitive person but she hated it if I exceeded [which is all the time] than her list even by two more words. It was that time she used to make me closes the copy. You know what there was time we used to fill one page now each of us can fill one entire page. We said we won't play her name anymore once we form 100 words from her name. A little more than a month ago we both crossed 100 words forming from hear name but the hang of it has just gotten her.

    Recently, I moved to new apartment so I am not in touch with Dipina on daily basis but the game has really got in her germs and I now need not worry much, how to keep her young mind busy when I am not around her. We live in an age when we are bombarded with others idea and opinions all the time. Our own creativity is dying. So, we must learn how to keep it alive and children will keep the practice alive by spreading it with other kids of her age. As a grown ups it's our responsibility to teach children around us to use their own brain. This is just a small way to do it.