बिश्वास, अबिश्वास र अन्धबिश्वास

नेपालमा आजको समयमा पनि धेरै ठाउँहरुमा महिलाहरु 'यो बोक्सी हो' भन्ने लान्छना बाट मुक्ति पाउन नसकेको कुरा हामी विभिन्न संचार माध्यमहरुमा बेला बेलामा पढ्ने गर्छौ. कति महिलाहरु त्यस्तो लान्छनाबाट लामो समय सम्म मानसिक रुपमा पिडित हुने गर्छन भने कतिलाई त हामी जुत्ताको माला लगाई गाँउ डुलाएको खबर फोटो सहित सामाजिक संजालहरुमा देखने गर्छौ. केहि बर्ष अघि मात्र बिबिसीको टेलिभिजन कार्यक्रम साझा सवालमा तराइ तिर बस्ने केहि महिलाहरु 'यो बोक्सी हो' भन्ने लान्छना बाट कति हद सम्म पिडित भएका छन् भन्ने कुरा हेर्न र बुझ्न पाएका थियौ. हामी जंग बहादुरको जमानामा छैनौ जुनबेलामा बोक्सीको आरोपमा समाजले मात्रै होइन कानुनले पनि बिश्वास गर्थ्यो. अरोपितले त्यसै अनुसारको सजाय भोग्नु पर्थ्यो.

अझै पनि बत्ति निभेको बेला केटीहरु / महिलाहरु जम्मा भएर रातिको खाना पछि गर्ने कुरा प्राय भुतप्रेत वा बोक्सीको कथाहरुनै हुन्छ. केहि बर्ष अघि जब सधै राती बत्ति जाने गर्थ्यो केटीहरु समुहमा बसेर भुत, बोक्सी र चुडैलको कथाहरु सुन्ने र सुनाउने गर्थे. आज सोनुले आफ्नो स्कूल जीवनमा घटेको घटना सुनाउदै भनिन. उनको घर नजिकै एउटी बुढी आम्मै बस्थिन जो उनीहरुको घरमा मासु पाक्दा, सधै कुनै न कुनै बहानामा छिर्ने गर्थ्यीं. एकदिन सोनुको ठुलो बुवाले जब उनी मासु खाएर बाहिर निस्के त्यसपछि चुलो नजिककै भएको रातो चिम्टाले नजिककै सुतिरहेको बिरालोको ढाडमा डामिदियो.  त्यसपछि त्यो बुढी आमा धेरै महिना सम्म निक्कै थला परिन र कहिँ हिड्न डुल्न पनि सकिनन्. हाम्रो घरमा पनि आउन छोडिन, सोनुले त्यो घटना सम्झदै सुनाए. उनी बिराटनगर बाट काठमाडौँ आएर, यही पढी रहेका छन् र उनी मास्टर्समा पढ्दै गरेको बिद्यार्थी हुन्.

मलाई केहि सोध्न र भन्न मन लागेको मन थियो तर सोनुले जसरी कुरा गरिन यसबाट विचार गर्न सकिन्थ्यो कि उनलाई त्यो घटनामा कति बिश्वास छ भनेर. तर मलाई भने बिरालोको ढाडमा डामे पछि बुढी आमै बिरामी भएको कुरामा अलिकत्ति पनि बिश्वास लागेन. चाहे त्यो मैले आफ्नै आँखाले देखेको, मेरै घरमा भएको भन्ने मान्छे सोनु जत्तिकै नजिक बसेर किन कुरा नगरोस. मैले नदेखे सम्म म बिश्वास गर्दै गर्दिन भनेर हठ गरेको होइन. म सानो हुदा यसरी भुत संग तर्सिने बोक्सीको कुरामा बिश्वास गर्ने अनि चुडैल को कथामा रमाउने केटीहरु संग धेरै संगत गरेको छु. कसैलाई भुत संग तर्सिनको लागि अध्यारो नै काफी हुन्छ भने कोहि चाही अध्यारोमा भुत संग जम्काभेट नभए सम्म भुत छ भन्ने कुरामा बिश्वास गर्दैनन्. तपाई मलाई दोस्रो बर्गमा राख्न सक्नु हुन्छ. बिरालोको ढाडमा डामे पछि बुढी आमै बिरामी भएको कुरा त केराको बोटमा आँप फलेको अनि हाम्ले टिपेर खाएको भन्ने कपोलकल्पित कहानी जत्तिकै सत्य छ. तरै पनि मलाइ आफ्नो विचार सोनु को विचार संग बझाउन ठिक लागेन त्यसैले उनको कुरा चित्त नबुझे पनि म चुप  लागेर बसे. तर्क गरेर आफ्नो कुरा माथि पार्नेमा पनि म बिश्वास नगर्नेमा परे. यो कुनै कुरामा बिश्वास वा अबिश्वासको कुरा हो. भुत काल्पनिक सत्य हो. भूतको कथामा रमाउनु कल्पनाको दुनियामा हराउनु हो. कसैलाई त्यस्तो सपनाको संसारमा रमाउन मन पर्छ होला तर म चाही सत्यको धरातल नै रुचाउछु.

कुराको क्रममा सोनुले के पनि सुनाइन भने उनको मामाहरु यहाँ [काठमाडौँ ] बिदेशी संघ सस्थामा बैज्ञानिक तहको अनुसन्धानात्मक काम गर्छन अनि आमा भने बिरामीको लागि धामी झाँक्रीको मा जान्छन. के गर्नु डाक्टरको औषधि ले छुदै छोएन. फेरी थप्दै भनिन यदी मामाहरुले आमा झाँक्रीकोमा उपचारको लागि गएको कुरा थाहा पाए भने गाली गर्नु हुन्छ.  सोनुको आमा र मामा को सोचको बिन्नाताले उनको हजुबुवाहरुले छोरा र छोरी लाइ पढाउने बेला गरेको विभेद मात्रै उजागर गर्दैन कि कसरी कलेज जानु र नजानुले मानिसको सोचमाअन्तर ल्याउछ भन्ने कुरा पनि प्रस्ट पार्छ. याद राख्नुस सोनु त आफै मास्टर्सको बिद्यार्थी हो तर पनि किन उसको सोच आमा पट्टि गयो त ?

अफ्रिकी समाजमा भुडू को प्रयोग व्यापक हुन्छ. यो केहि हद सम्म इंडियामा प्रयोग गरिने कालो जादु जस्तै हो. यसको प्रयोग मानिसहरुलाई मनोबैज्ञानिक रुपमा सताउनको लागि गरिन्छ. फरक के हो भने भुडूमा कुनै मानिसलाई खराब गर्ने पर्यो भने त्यो काम त्यही मानिसको सानो पुतला बनाएर अनि त्यो सानो पुतलालाइ रोप्दा, घोच्दा, थाचार्दा, जलौदा ति सबको असर पुतालालाइ नभई त्यो कसको पुतला हो त्यस ब्यक्तिलाइ असर गर्छ भन्ने कुरामा अफ्रिकीहरु बिश्वास गर्छन. तर इंडियामा कसैलाई बलि चढाउन पर्यो भने उनीहरु सिधै नै जुन मानिसको, वा बच्चाको कुरा गरेको हो त्यसैलाई नै सिधै बलि चढाई दिन्छन. तर यो त एउटा मात्र त्यस्तो घटना हो. भारत मा प्रयोग गर्ने कालो जादुको बारेमा कुरा गर्न एउटा किताबले मात्र पुग्दैन होला.

अमेरिकामा केहि कलेज पढेका युवाहरु सडकमा जादु देखाउने काम गर्छन. उनीहरु आफ्नो जादुमा बिज्ञानको मिश्रण गर्ने काममा माहिर छन्. दर्शकहरु तिनीहरुको जादु हेरेपछि छक्कै पर्छन. त्यस्ता केहि युवाहरु आफ्नो जादुमा भुडूमा प्रयोग गरिने बिधिलाइ अपनाउछन्. त्यसरी कालो जादुमा अपनाउने बिधिमा बिज्ञान र जादुको मिश्रण गरेर दर्शकहरुलाई चकित बनाएका थिए. तर यदी तपाइले विज्ञानको केहि आधारभूत कुराहरु बुझ्नु भयो भने यो बुझ्न सकिन्छ कि बिज्ञानमा थोर्रै मात्र ज्ञान मिसाउनु भयो भने धेरैको लागि त्यो जादुमा परिणत हुन्छ तर के अफ्रिकीहरुले मानसिक र शारिरिक हानिको लागि प्रयोग गर्ने गरेको भुडू बिधिको प्रचलनमा पनि थोरै मनोविज्ञान को गलत प्रयोजन भएको छैन र ? मानसिक रुपमा दरिलो मानिसहरुलाइ त त्यसले फरक नपार्ला तर कमजोर   मानसिकता भएको मानिसहरुलाई भने यसले नकारात्मक हिसाबले प्रभाब पार्ने कुरा मा दुइ राय छैन.

तपाईले अमेरिकीहरुले बनाएको टेलिभिजन कार्यक्रम घोस्ट हन्टर [ भुतको खोजीमा ] हेर्नु भएको हुनुपर्छ. बाह्र बर्ष भन्दा बढी चलेको यो कार्यक्रम कुनै समयमा अति लोकप्रिय कार्यक्रम थियो. यो कार्यक्रमको संचालकहरु हावामा भूतको कुरामा बिश्वास गर्ने होइन कि, बरु हो कि होइन भनेर प्रमाणित भए पछि मात्र यही हो भनेर किटानको साथ भन्ने गर्थे. यो संस्थाले गर्ने प्रयोग गर्ने औजारहरु र प्रमाणीकरण मा त्यहाको सैनिक संस्थाको समेत ठुलो बिश्वास थियो. त्यसैले एकचोटी उनीहरुले आफ्नो तर्साउने ब्यारेकको बारेमा बुझ्नको लागि भूतको खोजीमा लागेका टेलिभिजनको त्यही टीमलाई निम्त्याएका थिए. त्यो तर्साउने ब्यारेक बनेको ठाँउमा दोस्रो विश्व युद्ध ताका केहि मानिसहरु मारिएको थियो. उनीहरुले आफ्नो जांच राति एघार बजे पछि शुरु गरे र अध्यारो मा त्यहा के के हुदो रहेछ भनेर हेरे. त्यसबेला उनीहरुले आफ्नो अनुसन्धानात्मक कार्य रात को दुइ बजे सम्म गरेका थिए. त्यस टिममा भाग लिने एकजना अध्यारोमा भएको हर्कत बाट तर्सिएको आवाज आएपनि त्यहाँ केहि पनि देख्ने नसकिने गरि अध्यारो थियो. त्यो लामो अन्धकार करिडोर भएको ठुलो घर, जुन जमिन मुनि थियो भित्र निक्कै नै डर लाग्दो किसिमको बातावरण थियो. त्यो हेर्दा त्यहाँ भएको एउटा ठुलो शक्ति जसलाई देख्न त सकिदैन थियो तर महसुस भने सजिलै गर्न सकिन्थ्यो. त्यसैले एकजना अनुसन्धान गरि रहेको मानिसले अध्यारोमा एउटा प्रश्न गर्यो, यदी तिमि हामी यहाँ आएको रुचौदैनौ र तिमीहरु यहाबाट जाउ भन्छौ भने यो टेबलमा भएको टर्च लाइटलाइ तीन चोटी बाल्नु र निभाउनु. हामी तिम्रो कुरा बुझ्छौ. त्यहाँ एकछिन सम्म सन्नाटा छायो अनि त्यसपछि नजिककै राखेको टर्च लाइट अध्यारोमा तीन छोटी सम्म बल्ने र निभ्ने गर्यो. त्यसपछि उनीहरुले आफ्नो काम रोके र त्यो ब्यारेक बाट बाहिरिए. केहिदिन पछि उनीहरुले त्यहाँ भुत भएको रिपोर्ट सैनिक अधिकारीहरुलाई जानकारी गराए.

भूतको कथा र कहानीहरु हेर्न, सुन्न र पढ्न मलाई पनि मन पर्छ तर डर अनि यो माथिको बिश्वास भने यसको कारण होइन. बरु त्यो सबै कुरा भित्र लुकेको मानिसहरुको जटिल मनोविज्ञान बुझु हो. कसरी आफ्नो काम र स्वार्थको लागि मानिसहरुले भूतको कथाहरुलाइ जीवित राख्छन भन्ने बुझु बढी जरुरी हो र त्यो एकदमै रोचक हुने गर्छ. मैले इंडियामा हुने धेरै नै अपराधको घटनाहरुमा भूतलाई दोष दिएको तर अन्तमा त्यो सबको पछाडी कसरी मानब स्वार्थ लुकेको हुन्छ भन्ने देखेको छु. ठिक छ, कहिले काही हामी साच्चैनै भुतकै कथाहरु सुन्ने वा पढ्ने गर्छौ जसले हामीलाई एउटा अर्कै रमाइलो दुनियामा लैजान्छ. तर त्यस्तो भने एकदमै नगन्य हुन्छ. मलाइ आज सम्म पनि स्कूलमा हुँदा भूतलाई समात्दा भन्ने कथा पढेको याद आउछ. त्यो कथा पढेको दिन देखिनै अन्धविश्वासको पछाडी अज्ञानता भन्दा बढी स्वार्थ लुकेको हुन्छ भन्ने बुझे. हाम्रो समाजमा भूत र बोक्सीको कहानी जीवित रही रहनुको पछाडी हावाको कुरामा हो मा हो मिलाउने जमातको दोष मात्र होइन कि कुनै पनि कुराको राम्रो बिस्लेषण गर्न सक्ने दिमाग भएको मानिस जस्तै, शर्लक होल्म्स जस्ता जासुसको कथा अनि त्यस्तै किसिमको पात्रहरु कम लोकप्रिय हुनु पनि हो.

पुनस्च :  यो लेख जनआस्था साप्ताहिक पत्रिकामा २०७६ श्रावण २९ गते प्रकाशित भएको थियो. अनि त्यो को रेग्मी हो जसको जात मेरो नाममा पुच्छर लागेर आयो, उसलाई खोजु कि नखोजु भनेर दोधारमा छु; किनकी, मलाई आफ्नो नाममा आफ्नै जात ठिक लाग्छ. 

Hashtag Me Too

Couple of years ago hashtag me too campaign was started where women from all walks of life and corners of the world came forward to speak about the sexual harassment they have faced in the career they choose. When top Hollywood and Bollywood celebrities joined the campaign, it made the work of other sector women a lot easier than ever before. Some raised question why women are talking about the harassment that happened more than ten or twenty years before ? What they want to prove now ? are they trying to spoil the image of some big celebrity ? The one who raised these questions to me was a man and when he termed celebrity he meant only men, who harassed women especially when they were young and starting their career.

Is not this interesting, there are men who think celebrity mean only men ? In the Harvey Weinstein case Angelina Jolie, Ashley Judd and Gwyneth Paltrow joined hundreds of other movie star or wanna be stars who had been the victim of his harassment. It is said that over the period of thirty years he had sexually assaulted more than thousand women. For the first time a showbiz industry witnessed the fall of a man due to his exploiting nature. He could exploit many women in the industry because he was in a position to exploit them, studio Head.

There is a saying that goes in some area and it seems mostly in the showbiz industry, ‘everyone does this. Or you have to lose something to gain something. Some of the women who survived it tells you, it’s just few corrupt men who are exploiting you not all of them but the few of them spoils the image of rest of the men. Let's go back to that question, why it takes twenty years to come out and speak what happened then ?

Opening up to talk about the sexual assault is not an easy even for the most outspoken person. The incident freeze mentally to those who have gone through this episodes. It takes years to come forward and then sum up the courage to speak without fearing what others will say about the incident. Like in my case when one brother raped me another brother did not believe me. And this information was limited only three of us until you are reading it now. He did not believe me even if I was in shock state and could not feel easy to talk about it that is why I had written a letter telling him about the ugly incident. In my recent talk about it he said, you are not sure because of medicine. I told him in anger that just because I can't remember the whole episode doesn't mean that it was not a rape. It was rape even if you don't believe me. Honestly speaking, when I was a teenager I didn't know I was drugged. I could not figure out how could drinking frooti and curd make me so drowsy. But confusion lasted until I became keen learners on   watching crime shows and criminal analyst understanding of sexual sadist.

When I was raped my brother was about 13 years older than me. After that incident for about 13 years I did not stay in touch with any of my brothers, five of them in total. Once I established my connection with my other brothers they were strictly told not to give my phone number to the one who raped me. Ironically, one of my brother whom I told about the rape does not even believe me. Being raped by one and other not believing me what I had gone through broke me from deep within. That broken part of me was frozen over the period of time.

As much as I want to forget it, I remember that night, even today. After my full day work, I was preparing our dinner that evening. One of my brother was living with me. At this point it is better if I tell you that I was not even SLC passed then but I was working and making my living at the age of seventeen. I had rented only one room but because I had already paid four months rent,  I was using two rooms instead of one. Strangely, the landlords did not complain much about it for couple of months. I was using one as my bedroom and another room was kitchen, where one of my brother used to sleep. As I was on the half way of cooking dinner he walked in with a frooti in his hand and a small clay pot of curd. I still remember that one teaspoon of curd was removed from it, it looked like somebody else tasted it. Because I like yogurt so much, I ate some of it while I was cooking and drank few frooti. I felt sleepy before having my dinner. So, I went to my room locked it from inside leaving my key on the door. I do not remember eating meal that night.

When I half woke up after couple of hours, I remember somebody [definitely my brother] trying to open my door from outside. After  hours of trying to open it, I still remember the cling sound of key hitting on the cement floor of my room. At that time I was so drowsy that I still was not in a condition to rise from my bed and go to lock my door to keep him outside.

At this point it's a must for me to share with you one fact, I never had any trust in his character even if he was my brother, yes not even when I was in my teen years. There was always a lust in his eyes. It was for all girls not just me. But because, it is my youngest brother who brought him to stay with me, without showing any decency to offer to help pick my food or rent bill during his stay with me. None of them offered to pay it.

I remember he giving me massage on my inner thigh mostly. perhaps my breast also but that part I cant remember. Today, I could not remember much talk he was trying to make sense of his action at that time. But one or two lines refuse to leave me even today. “If you submit yourself for my needs, I can bear all your cost all my life”. Another was he doubted I had physical relation with another man before him. He named a man who used to stay in a room when I shared our kitchen with a single christian woman living in Balaju and working in its Industrial area. What he thinks, I have to be his sex slave to be protected and provided ? or I should not object to have physical contact with him because there was already a man, of courses in his mind - I had slept with ? Sick people give sick reasoning.

Next day when I woke up the drowsiness was all gone. But I knew something bad had happened to me. I did not went to work that day but went to a shop that had landline phone to call my youngest brother and requested him to come to my place as soon as he could make. He did not came immediately when he was needed. When I waited for him, I locked me in my room and then wrote a letter to my youngest brother. I did not think it was necessary for me to cook a meal again to feed rats like him nor I had to let him stay with me any more.

I am not weak but I don’t confront people as much as I should. When Sukdev, my youngest brother came I handed him the letter I wrote. He was uneasy to deal with this case as he is a church member so he don’t confront his brother for something like sexual assault. He left almost immediately without saying anything, not even some words of consolation. That day, I was totally lost. I have lost words to explain such behavior on me and I have lost in my own deep thought but could not talk about it. I went to my work only for half day but after work I did not return to my rented apartment for almost a week.

It was that time when I had almost no where to go and stay, this problem stays with me even today. So, I went to stay in a didi’s apartment where I have stayed together for about six months before I have recently moved to current rented house. I had to stop sharing kitchen with her only because of inappropriate comment of my two brothers, who used to come and stay with me. She was a christian woman living alone but quite frequently her mother and daughter used to join her. When I went to stay with her, her mother was with them. I could sense it they did not like me staying there for more than two days. But they did not open their mouth to say it nor they said me to leave them immediately. On my part, I could not open up with them why I was so dazed, lost and needed to stay with them for some time.  That drug and rape combined with my other brother not believing me have sent me into emotional locked up zone. A little less than a week later I returned back to my new rented rooms. The sexual predator was gone and I have not seen him again after that day.

In general men exploit girls/women, when he is the one; who is protector and provider. But in my case my brothers have never ever been my protector or provider. Its me who was working and picking up my food and rent bills and it's me who is picking up my tution fees. And yet he felt comfortable to exploit me while eating the food I bought and enjoying the shelter I provided. Men like him is mentally sick and that sort of  behavior disgust me.

As I mentioned earlier, it took me more than twelve years to reconnect with my youngest brother [Sukdev] for his disbelieve in me as well as to gain confidence that I can keep the sexual predator away from my contact. By that time he was married and have became a father of two boys. After that I slowly started to talk with other brothers as well. Out of six siblings, I am the youngest one and only girl in the family.

Now, when I open up about it; it has two intentions in it. One is just because when one of your brother rapes and another brother do not believe in you, it does not mean you are not sexually assaulted. I have grown up now to know enough that his mistrust in me is not going to change the truth anyway. Just because I was drugged and can't give you full account of the incident doesn't mean I did not know who was touching me or talking to me that night. The house was in very quiet and secure place with no criminal activity in the past. No one could enter in my locked room, unless that one is insider. Another is, why the assaulter should let go free without facing any consequences for his serious flaw in moral character ? I doubt he feels guilty nor I could make him feel guilty of his sickening behavior then. Does this mean he is free to go out and then exploit another one ? What if all of them remained silent thinking nothing can be done in case like this and no one is going to help so keep quiet ! And if you are one of the victim of incest rape many family members do not help much hoping and fearing this is not we. pretending all our pride and prestige entirely hangs on this one issue.

I avoid confronting people and I take pride in saying I am not feisty and catty but this also does this mean I should let go a man who raped me and then never felt guilty, and never punished for his sickness. For that very reason I feel so dreadful with the idea that no one is there to make him feel guilty and punish him for what he did to me. What is needed to do to make him feel guilty and bad for what he did to me when I was teenager ?  You now what even my pastor brother do not have any answer to this question not he confronts his brother. Oh yes its the religious and now pastor brother of mine who did not believe in me in my teen years.

#metoo

Should I leave him ?

I make it a point to call Kamala* Didi or visit her on regular basis so she expects me to call her. It’s been about two months I have not been to her place nor I have called. So, when I called her she was hoping to see me as soon as possible. I was not in a rush to see her but she said soon she is planning to visit her hometown for about a month or so, that is the reason I managed to visit her.

After normal conversation with tea she started opening up about what is troubling her so much for about two months by now. She also waited until her husband left the place to talk about the things that is bugging her to the max. She has been living with abusive husband for years and now with recent outburst of abusive and violent behavior of him she has come to the point it makes no sense to live with him like this anymore. His insecurities and suspicious nature of she having an affair with another man [ she says too old to have a relationship ], creating a scene that forced her to leave her job, and confronting the man in doubt on the street. The man in doubt is an old man, who she is in touch due to her believe in Sai religion and they interact in the temple when there is some event. Kamala Didi has that manner which makes people around her at ease and she is really warm and friendly. This very nature is what makes him so very suspicious of her. As if that is not enough recently he confiscated her mobile phone, cutting all the contact with others. The worst part of all this is he has not just been verbally abusing her that too, in front of her three grown up children but also violent in his behavior. Now, he is hitting not just her but also the one who is standing to protect her.

Sharmila** the daughter of Kamala Lama lives with them with her family has to be the victim of his violent behavior. It seems that Sharmila is the only one who is standing with her mother as he brainwashed so much the mind of two others who listen him more than their own mother, especially the son, middle child, who had been apple of her eyes which occasionally created a fierce sibling rivalry among siblings.

Listening them patiently made me feel, it seems Kamala didi - and Sharmila, the daughter of her - thought carefully about all the options in hand and then came to one decision. Time to take step and action. Thinking me as an insider she opened up  the reason behind the violent behavior of him. Now when at the age when both of them are grandparents, his demand for physical needs is not being met is one of the reason he is behaving so violently. “If you have not been sleeping with others then you could be able to meet my needs” or “its your dharma to meet my needs” the ancient tantrum men throws at women. This reminded me Kamala didi telling me how she is suffering from over bleeding during her period that was making her weak for months. She talked about this over bleeding in winter times.

One of the reason Sharmila is standing like rock pillar with her mother is because she has seen how physically demanding her stepfather had been when it comes to his sexual needs. He did not care that they shared the same room with three children. During her preteen and teen years Sharmila had no option but to be the witness in the dark of her parents physical relationship. Sharmila added in the conversation, he demanded his physical needs be made even when she had period and she over bleed, and she suffered from acute pain during her period.

At the very young age of 11-12 Sharmila slowly began to understand the pain of her mother and reason behind it. Not being able to share it with anyone she was deeply disturbed. When she was about fourteen she was engaged with a young man who decided to go to abroad to make couple of bucks like thousands of other youngsters of this country. The young chap had been the one who had  been the reason behind her calm mind and peace in her life at that time but when he went to Malaysia Sharmila’s mental disturbance picked. 2007 or 2008 she was admitted to mental hospital for more than a month, Kamala didi had not told anyone the reason behind her mental disturbance. Sharmila had told me about it only after six months or so when medicine cured her mental disturbance. This is one case I am the eye witness of how mental illness can be cured with proper medicine in due course of time.

I have seen both of them at that terrible time, how they coped that hard time with so little money in hand. Kamala didi used to earn her living washing clothes in many houses she could cover in a week and her husband is a painter. I have known them as a next door neighbour about a year before of that hard time and then after ten years of Sharmila’s marriage to the young chap who is now father of a young girl that makes Kamala didi a grandmother now.

Kamala Didi think about all what is happening now and what had happened in the past so she made her mind to leave him. But before she walk on him, like all the woman  she wanted to ask some who know her well, what she should do now ?

This simple question reminded me of many marriage counselors I have seen in movies.

But more than that this question reminded me of the counselors in a book I have read That book is published by Rakschhya Nepal on its tenth anniversary. In the book one story of a woman caught my eyes. It was a story of a woman who entered into flesh trade at the request of her husband to make money and give him to spend. Over the time she wanted to leave him but the counselor of Rakchhya Nepal advised her not to leave her man. One question crossed my mind why does she need a man if she had to sell her body to make living for two ? If he cant bring financial security in life then why he is needed ?

When I shook my head I heard Kamala didi saying, I can't live with him like this anymore. This two month have been like hell. I have lost my job on top of that there is no peace of mind; nor respect in the eyes of my own children. So she asked me again, what do you think, should I leave him ?

This is a tricky question. Normally, you should not put yourself in between a married couple or their fight which some mistakenly compares it with hey fire.  Some regards it private affairs you should not be caught in middle of it. But that is running away from the responsibility as well as trust put on you to answer the hard question. So, I asked her what you want to do ? She said, I better leave him than live like this. Then I responded then do so, but when you leave him do not leave him like a free bird. Make sure he pays for the college fees of your children and living cost of yours before you leave him.  There are people who will help you to get justice in this case and there are law which will support you. Do not allow him to raise his voice and hand. Show him you can survive on your own without being treated like an animal who depends on him for food or shelter. If he does not behave properly and treat you with respect then situation is not going to be better for him in the long run.

Kamala didi had been very hard working person so she is not afraid to work hard to be free from abusive man. How she has her three grown children also to support each other.

*Names are changed due to privacy reason.

**Sharmila Lama today is a college student, which she resumed after marriage repeating 9th grade twice and passing SEE when her daughter was on her l.

Mistake I made in my life

It was the time I started riding my scooter and I did not knew much of the street rules. It was the time, I didn’t even know I had flat tire and somebody else has to tell me about it. You can call me ’empty head.’ But, that was what I was in the beginning years of my scooter ride.

I am talking about an incident of the year 2004. I think, I was on the Lainchour area, when a micro-bus driver made a gesture with his five finger open and close twice and fast.

Okay, I have to admit it now, I misunderstood that gesture. Before I could even give him a damn look, he was off on the road. But, I didn’t want to let him go without teaching him a good lesson. So, I followed him as the it was going in the direction of my office.

At around Jamal area, near the Nabil Bank, the same micro-bus was stopped to let passenger get on it. When, I was close the the vehicle, the micro-bus driver made the same gesture, again. He opened and closed his five finger twice and fast !

When, I was close to the window of that the driver, I spit my mouth-full of saliva on his face and then ran as fast as I could. I was very happy for the revenge I got from the misbehaving micro bus driver.

But, the happiness didn’t last more than 5 minutes. When I was making turns to get in to my office, another guy, about to leave the parking area, made the same gesture. Now, something strike in my mind that the gesture means something other than teasing a lady on wheel. It was only when I looked in front of my scooter, I found the answer.

My headlight was on !

Now I realize, that was what the driver had been trying to tell me more than once. I felt terrible after knowing about my mistake. I deserve a punishment from that micro-bus driver!

I don’t know how to find that driver. I wouldn’t even know him if he appears in front me as, I never saw his face clearly. But, whoever he is, I would like to offer my sorry to him for the stupidest mistake I have ever made in my life.

I am really sorry !

Ed's Note : This article has already been published on February 10, 2011 in Xnepali.com 

The Illusionist

When Sai Baba was frisking gold rings and chains from the air and was giving it to his devotees, a Japanese interrupted him to ask a question. When he got the permission to ask, the Japanese asked Sai Baba, “Can you convert the mountain behind you into gold, just like the way you can do this gold rings and chains ?”

After a brief pause, he said to that Japanese guy, “Come tomorrow.”  And, that “tomorrow” never came.

I was in my second year of college when my English lecturer told me about the incident to our class.

A couple of years ago, India TV ran a program disclosing some of his tricks Sai Baba does in front of his devotees, with the help of spy cameras. The program host had also had invited scientists to explain the reason behind those tricks. But, these revelations hardly mattered to his believers as they believe the television was running scam campaign to taint the image of Sai Baba.

At around 1997, my ex-boss had the hardest and most personal experience of Sai Baba’s art of magic or illusion. It was her uncle, who was suffering from cancer, causing him a lot of pain. Her uncle and aunt went to Bangalore for check-ups. The visit required them to go through Chemotherapy to stop the growing tissue in his stomach. The couple, being believers of  Sai Baba, went to visit him during their Bangalore visit. Sai Baba saw the sick believer and did a magic.

In their next visit to the hospital, the oncologist was puzzled after seeing their fresh sheet of x-ray report prior to the chemotherapy. There was nothing in that  x-ray report, not a trace of cancerous tissue. The delighted couple canceled their chemotherapy treatment and returned back back to Nepal.

But they didn’t realize the sad truth: cancer was never treated. Within a month of his return back to Nepal, he had to go back to the hospital in Bangalore due to unbearable pains in his stomach. New tests showed that, within that one month period, the cancer had spread all over his stomach. The chemotherapy would have stopped it, if Sai Baba hadn’t done his ‘magic’.

My ex-boss’s uncle died within two months of his visit to Sai Baba. A death, which could have been postponed for some time if not for forever; came too early to him just because he believed more to an illusionist than doctors and their combined conscience.

They say, at the time of desperation, we believe what we want to believe not what is said to be believed.

Moral of the story – an illusionist can not cure diseases. He may conceal it for a short time but, it resurfaces itself.

Ed's Note : This article has already been published in Xnepali.com on February 4, 2011

Love Marriage or Arranged Marriage

Picture downloaded from Internet

I was about 14 years old when my vocational teacher (not from my school) told me this incident: one of her good friends from her office chose to marry a girl just because he did not wanted to disappointed his mother. The love birds broke-up days before his marriage, to marry an unknown woman his mother chose. My teacher had all praise for him for that decision, yet my young mind could not understand his side of story more importantly the hidden reason behind that decision.

During my college days, I had a friend who preferred arranged marriage over Love marriage. She had her parents to look upon, admire and have that strong belief in this institution. But when Diana and Prince Charles divorced, her strong belief towards arranged marriage was terribly shaken.

I have friends who are doing well in arranged marriages and I also have friends who are not doing that well even after a love affair before marriage. When situation turns like that, we tend to analyze the pros and cons of both types of marriages.

Let’s give another twist to this question: in Western world, love marriage is only an option and in my side of the world, arranged marriage is a culture with traditional values. If you go for an arranged marriage, it means you are very family oriented person and will tie the knot at your family’s wish, like the guy who married the girl his mother chose for him.

As for me, the choice of arranged marriage has another angle. This traditional institution is based on the transfer of ancestral property to the offspring. If ancestral property is not transferred from fathers to sons and if the main person in the household is given a choice to give away his /her properties as per his/her wish, this facade of the family oriented decision will have clearer picture: the aspect, some people prefer to ignore.

If people are given choices in choosing their life partners, they would certainly use their intelligence in choosing the right partners and that won’t diminish any family values. There should be no financial matter involved during the decision taking. If the ‘will system’ in passing the ancestral property is implemented in Nepal; there won’t be such thing like Western culture and Eastern culture when marriage is concerned. The culture and traditional values will be a lot more different than what we witness now.

Woman, money and land are not the only reasons leading to war all time; it is also a reason that helps one to decide on the wrong and right.

I am pretty sure; if marriage is not done for money or land, people will definitely go for love marriage instead of an arranged one.

In a different note, love marriage is popular in developed countries and arranged marriage is more popular in developing countries. Does that choice has anything to do with being rich or poor based on the marriage tradition ?

Eds' Note : This article has already been Posted on December 24, 2010 on Xnepali.com.