Sunday, December 13, 2015

Know yourself and then Believe in you

In crime shows one thing that really grips me is its story telling especially when it comes to  rape. A young girl is raped, a grandmother is raped, a woman is raped, a wife is raped,  a rejected boy friends rapes his own girlfriend in rage, an angry husband rapes his wife, a brother rapes his own sister, an uncle rapes his own nieces. a neighbor rapes a girl next door. A gang of strangers rapes an unknown girl walking on the street.


Men seeing women only for his lust, treating her like his toy to vent, rant, pour anger, feel good about himself and at times his ego gets boosted when he rapes or exploit a girl/woman. After watching hundreds of crime shows that is covered about rapes cases; this is really tricky to understand the core of his mind and the intention behind  rape. No one have come up with the answer that helps us to understand this issue, why ? What can we say to the young girls so that we can avoid it in future. There is no way a girl can protect herself from the ill intention men who might be the potential rapist. Is there any way we can recognize the man who can be the rapist ? No, one have come up with this answer too.


When we are bombarded with so many rape news which is increasing everyday. It's really hard to say what is there we need to know to tell them about guys who have destructive mind who want to hurt girls, humiliate her, abuse her, shun her, silence her, shrink her and his tool to do all this is rape. Yes, some of them kills her after brutal rape !


One thing is for sure, men who are raised by women who respected them would never ever do anything like that to any girls/women. Men who are abusive, had tormented childhood. But remember do not allow anyone to hurt you, your feelings  and treat you badly just because he had bad childhood.


There is probably nothing, we can ever teach you sufficiently to protect you from men   who will treat you like a trash. But, if you know about self respect then maybe we don't need to teach you anything about men. It's not about knowing him but it's about knowing you which is more important. This knowledge about you and your believe will be helpful to handle yourself not just before but after [ god forbid if that ever happen to you]  the most haunting rape also.


Sometimes, some men rape just for fun; because she looked like the kind, let's have fun. To some her way is somewhat inviting. The question is why do they rape ? Research shows that men rape for basically for three main reasons. First is I like her [want of sex is covered in the like], second is its entertainment and third is revenge. Now, when I have three beautiful nieces and two of them are in college and in their teenage. One will turn thirteen next year. Reading and watching rape cases it really worries me how to protect them when I am not around them.

Pick your boyfriend wisely : I am not going to tell you girls to be doubtful of  every guy who comes in your life. I can't tell you to see them with a hint of doubt or he could be the one who have already took rounds in jail. It's not what I can tell you about men but what you need to know about sex, rape and your own believe in sex. I know two of you do watch some Indian crime shows but remember watching it will not make you smart enough to face the crime that goes around you. It only scares you.


There is a reason why your parents may paranoid about your boyfriend[s]  and why they tell you, do not have boyfriend[s] unless and until you finish your college. I see no reason to tell you to stay away from men unless you make big mistake. Sure some people think  that if you don't have boyfriend then the chance are less you will end up in any kind of trouble. That makes no sense. Not all the girls who are raped are the one who had boyfriend. Many of them are raped in front of their husband and some in front of boyfriend.


Sex is not the super glue nor it's the synonyms of love. I would like to tell you if you get physical with your boyfriend and then at one point you realize that he is not the type of your ideal man then let me tell you this, now; walk out from that relationship. I have read so much and try to find some answer in all that; who thinks that you should stick with one man, specially with the one you get physical with once. But, getting physical with anyone does not mean you two are made for each other. There are plenty of people who need women to keep at home and then women to please his lust. Yes, sex is a form of an expression of love and feelings but it sure is not the super glue of love. Interestingly, in married life it's viewed that  lack of sex means that the partner is seeking love somewhere else. You girls will sure grow old enough to know that there are men who likes to have sex with one person  but loves somebody else. Lucky you, if you find the guy who loves you and would not want to get intimate with anyone but you ! keep crossing your finger girls.


Slut shaming culture : You girls must be knowing about the slut shaming culture our society clings in. we live in a society where having  a couple of boyfriends will earn you the certificate of characterless girl. Many would like to close the eyes with the fact that how  abusive the boyfriend was. It will be seen only from the anle how close you have been with him during that time. This will always get the unwanted look from the women next door or the men presumes, you are easy to take bed with, regardless of your consent. Be who you are but, keep your private life private. There are certain things that should never ever see the daylight. This does not mean you let your man abuse you, treat you like trash or the make you feel  inferior about yourself.


Keep in mind rape is also sex but rape is bad form of sex and just because it may be sex to the man rape can't be sex for the victim. Remember some guys rape just for fun and entertainment. He might want to say it was a good sex, even though his partner is not enjoying it. It's good if we know it long before some creep inject his version of idea in your head. Sex should not make you feel inferior, ashamed and indignant about yourself and if you feel so, know what you need to do about it. Remember, I will be with you girls.


Why then some hang herself after rape ? some cut herself from all the social gathering. Many raped victims think this is her dignity and once she is raped her entire life is ruined. But it's not the truth. Not all girls/women committed suicide after rape. Gang rape could not kill a girl There are good men in our society who married the girls who were gang raped once. So what you need to know more than rape and rapist or the society and its view on it and about yourself ? You can live your life even after the most daunting rape.

Self respect : It seems there are some girls who are easy to pick for rape, torture, exploitation. Through study shows that girls who lack self respect are easy to picked up by men for his false machismo image. Weak girls are their target. Those who are self aware about her plus and minus points are not weak and they never allow weak men to exploit you. Know yourself, have the conviction about sex and then you will see this world better. Do not allow rape to ruin your life or any men to exploit you.

Sunday, November 15, 2015

The Black and White Sweater

Prafulla Giri
 It's not a hidden fact that, I love knitting. Everyone who knows me  knows very well about this special skill and talent of mine. I am good at it and I sure do take pride in a skill that allows me to convert a wool thread into a dress that screams for attention. Eye catching design is what I take real pride about my this skill. What may be hidden is, why I am good at it. One plain truth about me being so good at it is practice, practice and practice and I can say this about knitting I yet have to meet a person who could have made more mistake in trying than I have made during my learning process. I pick patterns fast but I have made more mistake in trying new neckline all the time. Eeven I knew how to knit perfectly, perfect finishing was not that easy. It took me years to make a perfect sweater. Even though, by thirteen I was already wearing the sweater that made people say wow. Once I make a sweater I know I can wear it over the next ten years of time. Therefore, when I make a sweater I always keep in mind that it will last next ten years and if I make mistake it will be seen in this sweater for more than ten years. this makes me do it perfectly and give my level best. This perhaps is the only thing I am good at in true sense. Its really good that thousands  my readers likes my writing to and for me both of it is as good as meditation for me.


I have been knitting since I was very young, I mean ever since I was about five or may be six years old ! I did knit long before I was old enough to work on real needles. As a learners, I started working on broomsticks and wools that was joined probably more than 100 times. To make a small hairband; with which we started learning how to  knit.  Even this small one and half inch width and about fourteen inch long product used to have about 20 plus joined knots and for a muffler the multiple color wool added more ‘design’ than my plain knitting skill. Later on I was self promoted to barb wire and then umbrella wire before I really was able to own my one needle.

On my recent visit to my youngest brother's place his youngest daughter Rachana asked me where did you learned it ? I said, Bal Mandir. And I was younger than you when I started learning how to knit. I knit every year during winter; without fail. I knit even if I really don't need a new sweater. I knit, even if I do not have any new ideas in my head. Sometimes, I just knit for the sake of knitting. now the habit has grown so much that  I knit and then I like giving it as gift or as a charity. Everyone who knows me knows that I love knitting. My knitting do not have anything with my basic need of warm clothes on my body because knitting have become more than basic need. This simple skill, which I have learned when I was so young have turned into a passion over the long period of time. This has been my passion, my talent, my pride, my skill which helps me to remain stress free. just like writing it's like a therapeutic and It's almost like meditation that help me to distress my otherwise cluttered brain with thoughts.


Sukdev Giri
This time, when I am here at my brothers place for dashain break; Prafulla pulled one old picture of his father. Prafulla is the oldest boy amongst the three children of my youngest brother Sukdev. In this picture my brother looks young. It is before he was married and he looks like as if he was about 20 -21 in that picture of black and white era of photography.

What is more special about this picture is, Sukdev is wearing a sweater, which is his favorite one. I have made that one for him long time ago, more than 20 years ago. I must have been in my teen years when I made that sweater for him. Now, all he has about that sweater is, this picture reminding him how much he likes it. Looking at this picture I now know, that I did not even knew how to make a perfect neckline but prafulla wants that very same design sweater made for him; including the imperfect neckline that is seen in the picture. For him, he just wants to relive the life that was lived by his father; long before he was borne. It's like time machine which allows anyone to travel back in life and relive that moment. So, my brother bought some wool for me and then I started making that same designed sweater for his son.

Prafulla turned 21 this week and he has been the most argumentative nephew of mine and he shoots back five questions, if I tell him one thing. I find this habit of him very unnerving because it's not easy to deal with a young college boy who has half knowledge, full open mouth and loud opinion. His reasonings are derailed and I can call it logical errors. But he is dead sure about what he knows about most of the things. May be it's his age or may be it's his nature. Prafulla have one complain with me all the time, you are not like my mom or our aunts. Why he expects me to be the carbon copy of rest of the women he knows. That is unnerving !

When I started making sweater for him, I noticed one thing that Prafulla has turned quiet and now do not argue with me unnecessarily.  This really makes me think that boys/men secretly wishes the women in their life must take care of them and love them and if they don't feel it they get agitated and it shows up in vague way. That lack of argument from his side is his way of expressing. Expression of his expectations and crying for love and care. When I finished the sweater, he really liked it. And suddenly his arguing habit is gone.
Now, he wants me to teach it to Rachana, Rachana is my twelve year old youngest niece.  Will Rachana be as interested as I was to learn it ?  But, she was awestruck when she saw me knitting without looking at the needle and my eyes on the television screen or on computer screen [youtube]. She wanted to know where did I learn it and how old I was when I learned it.

For me knitting is best time pass, stress buster and I can call it my meditation. I love it because I can knit when I am watching TV. With knitting I can try new ideas on my sweaters and I can try new color blending in my sweater and I always loved to try the new thing or design even if very few may want to wear it. It's so refreshing to try new thing with the help of a wool thread. I really like the core concept of making a whole new dress with a thread and then converting that thread into a dress. That really makes me happy and feel proud of the skill I learned long time back.

The best part of knitting is I can watch a movie on TV and I can knit at the same time or I can chat and my hand still works.

Sunday, October 25, 2015

My family my relatives

Your useless brothers ! both of my Bhauju [brother-in-law] takes satisfaction to say this lines at least once whenever we meet. They use this line when they try to convince me the family situation, trying to take me to on their sides.  I don't blindly side with my brothers all the time; especially, if they are at the fault side. And may be, I being a woman myself; can understand her sides of story better. There are times, they are nice and sweet and unbearable at the very next moment. Like most of the people they have their good side, bad side and sure dark side also. One of my bhauju is rich, and the other is poor. Both of them have three children, respectively. The rich one has two good looking boys and a beautiful daughter and the poor one has two beautiful daughters and a cute boy. Given a chance, both of them can go non stop to blame all to my brother[s] for almost everything that went wrong in their lives. Yes, both of them are ‘professional nagger’ the rich one is actively vocal about it in her close circle and the poor one is passively vocal about his being useless.


During my recent visit to Chitwan, the other day, I stayed overnight with my poor brothers home and during leisure time I listened my Bhauju. She was blaming all to my brother for everything that went wrong in her life and not having anything at all in hand for them and also for her children as they are growing up and cost will rise high. Both of her girls are in college now. They are healthy, beautiful and doing good in college. Their young boy is in second grade in school. the youngest girl Sara is sixteen, passed school in distinction and won scholarship for her college study and she is very bright student also. The big girl who just turned 18 doing fine and both of them found a job also to keep themselves busy.

During my visit in Chitwan, I stay with my youngest brother’s home. Sure, this bhauju also has some issues with my brother and she repeatedly have told me : the famous saying of our society, can't exchange him, can't kill  him. She too has her own dissatisfaction with him like all the couples in the world. If one blames my brother for not having anything in hand then the this one won't give him credit for what all she has. All she has now is she earned it herself. Because she worked hard for everything and deserves it. Oh, one thing for sure, I must tell you she did not come from the rich family who can provide her this or that to begin with my brother. As a matter of fact, she really has worked hard to multiply her money and she is good at it like Warren Buffet or that what I call her. Therefore, all the credit should go only to her for everything she has today. Like my other brother, her two boys are in good health, handsome and doing good in college.

Both my bhauju exaggerate their problems and especially if it has anything to do with my brother, they sure love to blow up things out of proportion. I paid close attention to my poor bhauju talk and I came to this conclusion after listening her for many years. She has the habit of seeing all the problems with magnifying glass.  Fear is her biggest friends and enemy. Although; she appears to be very quiet by nature she is not that submissive when it comes to supporting her man and this gets my brother even if he may say it in different language. Men are hungry to get the approval from women all the time. How come a woman can blame it to him all if she do not have courage to start all by her own life, if something goes wrong. On the other hand my rich bhauju knowing my brother is careless and irresponsible, when it comes to finance and other things in life [ he is a religious leader and enjoys a top position in church] but my bhauju is not impressed by that fact, as it brings no money in home to run the family for day-to-day's job.

Looking at both women and seeing my brothers - I see that how can women blame to men  all the time in family, whenever things go wrong ? Although, I am not much close with my brothers and when I call home I speak with my bhauju more than I speak with my brothers. Suddenly, I wanted to forget that, I am not a feminist and let's forget for a moment that I am the sister. But somebody who want to understand what is the core point here.

Do we enjoy blaming others for the things that goes wrong in our life all the time ? as we do not want to take the responsibility of it.  In recent times, I am keeping close eyes in the women empowerment movement and I myself was on street demanding woments right when they were trying to make the constitution 2072.  Some of the demands were ‘women friendly constitution’ and most of women's demand was ignored by the political leaders. I started reading some feminist online sites that was funded by foreign country. There is something serious  in our thought of saying all the time that, ours is patriotic society and men are all the time in a position to suppress us.

I feel sorry for men who are under the tremendous pressure to make it in life at any cost, whether they are capable or not. We look up to them for their nod even if they had no clue what they need to do next. Some say out of respect they should be given then that right but how much respect ? When I am writing all this, I am reminded of a five year old boy of my friend with whom I share my flat for a more than a year.  He was afraid of dark but he never put it in words,even at that young age. He could pee on his pant but won't go to the toilet which bulb was not working, even if we told him we are right here. He used to scream in anger for slightest things but if pushed a little bit more he used to cry in the next moment. Yet he put that mask of a macho man, a boy who won't cry like a girl; even though he feels like crying.


I feel sorry for men, they have to pretend who they are not and sometimes, some men do enjoy that extra power given to them. Many of them don't even know how to use that power and sure not knowing all the time how to use it many of them misuse it. I have now have grown enough to see women who love to blame men for being abusive, violent and angry all the time are on the fault side themselves. Now, I know for sure women who blame it all to them are not responsible enough to take the blame of their own flaws. It's really easy to blame it to anyone, what difference it makes if that other person is her man ?  

May be for good or bad they are very religious and their religion bars them to walk out from the marriage they tied once. So, I know they will be with them together for bad and bad and poor and poor.

But my mind is in deep thought, do we need men to blame ?  I really don't find my brothers any superior or inferior than my bhauju but how do they handle the situation decides how good or bad their life will be. I think there is expiry date when we blame others for our life and this is the right time my both bhauju better stop blaming my brothers for everything that goes wrong in their life. we must learn to take responsibility. He is not that smart to take all the burden of life, he sure needs her to share the burden.  

Sunday, September 20, 2015

International certificate for Nepali software



Komal antivirus and Internet Security has secured the certificate from OPSWAT Member of [AMTSO's]. This certificate means these soft wares are able to be detected by leading technology solutions and become visible on the management stations like Microsoft, Cisco and many more. The OPSWAT Certification Program is the industry standard for interoperability certification of endpoint security software applications.This is first level that verifies whether software is international standard or not. With these certification it will be easy for company to gain world wide user trust.

Komal Poudyal, the software developer is seventeen year old, twelfth grade student of computer science who studies in Uniglobe college. He has been working on this programs since two years and he plans to launch it in market in December 2015. Komal Antivirus is only antivirus program made in Nepali for Nepali and by a Nepali software developer. This teenage boy is also the CEO of Komal Technologies, which has developed these two soft wares.



Sunday, September 13, 2015

Angel of single women

Bhawana with an old woman after handing over her
bed and blanket to keep her warm during rainy seasons.
If you have time, Bhawana, said casually, let's go to the field visit. I was not prepared for the field trip, still I said, okay. Bhawana Bhatta, General Secretary of Youth Action Nepal was happy somebody will cover the story of single women of Katunje of Bhaktapur. They have  been hit very badly in this earthquake. Bhawana wanted me to go there and see the real story of those old and single women and tell the world about their  real condition. She really takes personal interest to tell me the story of those needy and destitutes women who are facing such hardship in life. I think what Bhawana’s real intention is, to show me the reality of single women in our country and how exactly their condition and how dependant they are with the sympathy of the close kins they live by, than what I see from  my ‘foreign specs’. She is right in one aspect, I am not that close to the real society of our country but then my story is different than what she really guess.


I have been associated with Youth Action Nepal as a volunteer since last June when they started quake volunteers. I was away from the volunteer work for quite some time, as most of the work  now is construction and like many girls/woman think, I also think; I am not suitable for hard work like construction like men.  I visit this office to keep myself busy doing some good work and she was giving me this opportunity out of nowhere.  


Chini Bisankhu : is an eighty year old woman, who was abandoned by her ‘husband’ in the same year they were married. She was only eleven years old then. Surprisingly, she never tried to find out why she was abandoned. Her husband as villagers called him ‘Bheaure’ who himself was only 16 - 17 years old then. She then went to stay with her parents to live. Since her parents death about forty years ago, she has been living alone near by her brother's place. She was so much haunted by the crack in her house after the earthquake that she could not even think of gong in and sleeping in her one room apartment which was made her avail by her brothers family. The fear of living in that cracked house was so much that she was hospitalized and she lost her weight drastically in last one month only. She is the picture of poor and poverty stricken and how fear can gnaw you in so short time. All you have to do is to glace a look at her. Then you will realize she had lost all those weight recently.


Now Youth action Nepal and its team of volunteer have made her one room temporary shelter free of cost in her land. She looks happy and relax now, however she was saying that her eyesight is getting bad and it needs to be checked up with good doctor. At least she knows this house will not fall on her head and she do not have to worry lying in her bed wondering where to run if it shakes again. I asked her, why were you so scared like that ? She said there was rumors there will be more and bigger than what we have survived recently. So that made me worry more and I could not sleep when everyone  moved  in to sleep in home. What is interesting, was; she had slept in her open lawn with all the relatives and community members for about two months after the earthquake, she was not sick then. She became sick or fear gripped her by the next upcoming earthquake when everyone moved in home to sleep at night. Then suddenly she started losing her weight drastically. along with her sickness that could not be identified even by doctors. Oh yes, sleeping pill was one of the medicine her doctors have recommended.

Until now, I was the one; who dismissed the fear of upcoming second bigger earthquake but I should have seen somebody like her. Perhaps its her age and then try to understand what it feels like it and how it looks like the fear and how it works. Now, I am really angry with those who spread the rumors there will be even bigger and earthquake than what we had seen in April 25, 2015.


Then there was this old woman of 90 years old, single woman, who was also abandoned by her husband when she was married. She was fifteen when she was married. Her husband was ten years older than her. After couple of years of marriage, the man married another woman and then moved to India. Now, she is been living with her maternal relatives. Most of her close relatives have died now and it's her brothers children who are taking care of her. She was given a room to stay in their home but this earthquake shook the two story house and then it turned the house into debris, they used to stay with her kins. Now the condition is very bad for all of them . Since then, she has been living under the damaged houses lower floor because she can't climb any stair at this age and we cant ignore the emotional attachment, she feels with that place. Her caretaker the children of her brother told us that she is very happy to see her one room temporary shelter getting ready only for her. They them self have been living under the temporary tin shelter since the quake hit that area.


Why your NGO is picking up these single women ? I asked Bhawana. Youth Action Nepal is not meeting the needs of single women only, but; yes single women are one of our major target there is no doubt. She said and added, its because their stories are so  moving than others. We are also focusing on disabled and then TLC for schools.  I once saw the call from INSEC Nepal site, about a single woman's desperate condition after the earthquake. Then I went out to help and from then onward there is no need go out looking for the needy single women. Now, our team of volunteer engineers are on the field all the time. So, they also seek for opportunities help needy woman and some time some local people approach us to help  some needy ones. When we are approached we see the case  and based on the need and cost, we provide the help if we can. Once we started working on that line, we starting getting more such demands for similar work from our Facebook where many people are reading us and we do try to reach out everywhere as much as we can manage. Yes, they have to be the most needy.


To be honest, I have never done such work. Quake volunteers is my first hand experience with volunteer work. When I started doing as youth mobilization work it started healing me more than whoever got help from us. I was one volunteer out of 5000 which was mobilized by Youth Action Nepal. I then realized nothing gives me so much satisfaction than to do something for those when they need help. But more than anything this work gives me opportunity to work with Bhawana who does her work like this is her religion.


Saturday, September 5, 2015

Tear of a child widow in a land of sheep

I just completed reading Seto Dharti, and being a slow reader; it took me almost a week to finish this book.  I continued reading it, even at one point I felt like, stop reading it. I don't read literature books, so it should not surprise anyone, I have read this book about two years late since it was out in the market. I have stopped reading novels since I was about seventeen. This Seto Dharti by a much hyped novelist and award winning writer Amar Neupane is my third novel after that promise which I vowed when I was still in my teen years.  Before, I go further down, I better be honest with you, I rarely do book reviews as I am not a literature lover nor a reviewer.


In the beginning, I like how it flowed. I like it, because the writer is good in his writing and he has very perfect way of telling a story. Trust me, I have to tell you this honestly, he is a very good as a writer,  smooth, gripping  and flawless in his story telling. There is nothing I can find to pinpoint, in terms of language or style or prose or something which has anything flawed in literature aspect. Mostly, I like it because the local dialect, the character has had grew up speaking, sounds so amusing, almost music to my ear when I spoke it loudly when I was reading it. I had cried, after long time, ever since I was a schoolgirl. She had lived such a tragic and teary life.


At the same time, I can write here so confidently that this book will never help a single widow, to gather her up and live her life, even after her man dies at any age. This book absolutely fails in that matter, even though this will keep spinning money selling the tears of a widow - a child widow.


However, as a feminist and a human being, seeking answer and justice in life, I unconsciously hoped, one day this young widow will be picked up by a good hearted gentle-man, to make her his wife; that did not happen. I secretly hoped, one day her father will tell her to live her life a little more than just a domestic maid or merely growing up like vegetables and doing everything that is humanly possible. Sadly, that did not happen. I thought, may be her mother loves her and cares for her so much. So, one day she will take some steps that may be not liked by her community members, but right for her young girl future to do something more than keeping her in her home, as an extra pair of working hand. Instead, she kept a sharp eyes on her hormonal change in her body and told her ruthlessly to hide her budding youth. Her parents were senseless to tell her to limit her outgoings during her youth days, because she might attract men who are out there. they were so animal like to infuse in her young mind they might harm you. What a poison filling in her youthful mind for opposite sex !


As book kept flowing, I also secretly wished, there will be somebody in her society, who will do something in her community for the young widow[s], to tell her to live her life, and move on in life despite the death of her husband.


Instead, she was infused in her young mind to feel that, she is a bad luck and her sight in auspicious occasions brings bad luck anywhere she goes. No man [woman] stood in this society for her, so that she is allowed to go out from home and then she can study. Still, I am surprised no women resented it. Interestingly though, they did not stop loving them either and I really wonder why ? Or perhaps, because, he is the protector, provider and possessor. That put him in a position to make rules for her ? this is really pathetic. The harsh ruled that forced her to live life without another marriage after the death of her husband[so called]. However, this very society did not barred a 51 year old widower to marry a girl, who is only eleven years old [no this should not rage me]. This young age girls was the same age of the son this old man had married and was ten years younger than his widow daughter, who was staying with him, yet; that rule for her never changed.


At this point, I would like to draw my readers attention to the real life practices that was very common in Bahun family. This you can see in the book China Harayeko Manche by Hari Bansha Acharya. In the very beginning of the book he talks about the wide age gap between his two parents. She was 13 and he was 53, when they were married. You should read the book further to know, how the writer tells you about his mother's death. Its another sad teary story of her life. Although, she was still under 40 years old she died which made Hari Bansha Acharya and his sisters orphaned. She died of serious complications in her ovary. New research tells us now, how such child marriage and she becoming mother at very young age damage her health. If you pay close attention to this novel or the real life you can see mostly women were needed nothing more than to give birth and as free domestic maid. All  at the cost of her precious life. I told you this story, because this Seto Dharti is based on part truth and part reality of widow who belonged to a family of a Bahun based in Pokhara.


Back to the book we are talking about, no woman in this society came forward to ask,  why a dying old widower can marry a girl who could have been his daughter and why a young widow was never allowed to marry again ? This was very same question no man ever raised, as he was allowed to marry if his wife dies and that number was not limited to him. Strange, why there was no single woman to resent it ? Why then, there were no women to ask them, why it did not apply to the widower, whose karma was telling him not to marry again and again ? Then, it's at that point I get it; why the book is given a symbolic name of Seto Dharti [whiteland]. In a symbolic way it was the land of sheep - a meek animal which never resent, which remain in herd and no one goes out of the herd. If one leaves the track, everyone follow the one. Sheeps are way easy to tame compared to other animals.


In New Zealand, a country of natural wool makers all  a sheep farmer needs is about couple of dogs to guard 1,000 sheeps. This reminded me people in the book, where no one resented; when so cruel accident happened in her life. She was always silenced with idiotic answer of ‘god's justice’,  wish of god, your karma or your fate, which is specially tailor made for her, and her only. Those harsh and ruthless rules never applied for him. She was forced to focus her young mind in god to silence the voices that was coming in her head, which wanted to enjoy life like rest of others.  Here, I also failed at this point to get it, is this why writer gave the symbolic name to this book, Seto dharti, which is filled by all white sheeps and not the white clothes of widow ?


As the novel flowed, I stilled hoped that it might tell me another story that one day she will do something, that will give her life a real meaning of living rather than accepting it nothing more than a vegetative growth. Just growing by the day and aging, yet; without doing anything what humans do under normal circumstances.  Her move to the Devghat is sad decision and not the drastic one. She went there not to change anything, it was only the change of place but it did not change her life from vegetative growth to human life. It seems I was searching humans in the book and did not find one.


For a moment, lets forget I am feminist whose subconscious mind was seeking something what was not written in that book. But, I am human being first, only then I am a feminist; not the vise versa. So, what normal human do under such circumstances ?  What we know about them is they think. If there is problem, they seek solutions within the problem. That thinking and taking steps accordingly, will change the course of life. This our thinking brain, is the single most powerful thing on earth that makes us human being and our capability to think during odd hour and situation like this is what makes us superior than rest of the creatures on earth. But, I did not see anyone in that book telling me this was a story coming from a human society. Well fine, sometimes, if they don't do anything then they resent the condition they are thrown at, I did not see this young widow Tara* - the single source of the real life character whose one encounter with the writer made him write this book and the rest of all the characters - did anything, that can put them under humans bracket, well unless you are mistaken them with they look they wore but not the brain they carry.   


When I say resenting, I definitely do not mean the way that another free spirited young widow named Pabitra shown resenting it in a ‘rebellious’ way.  That was the writer’s imagination which took him only that far, and I see it's a mockery to the young widow. Needless to tell you, that constipated imagination of his almost made me puke ! The big question is, how come his imagination could not take him much farther than Pabitra living her life under anonymous names and doing mostly undignified works, who resented being widowed at that innocent age ? Interestingly though, writer is not judgmental of her choice of life. But, this is pure insult towards the life of a young widows. I can see, he made mistake in his imagination. It's like silent insult, and an insult is an insult; even if it comes in silent form.


It took me to the story of mahabharat. Like the men who were present in the royal court did not say a word against Duryodhan and other men when Draupadi was being striped by them. They can't escape saying they did not do anything to cause it. The point is, no one in that royal court stood up in her favour to stop it. I read Osho somewhere who has said  about it that every men in that room wanted to see her nude thats why they did not raise voice in her favor. But, then again; the question is does that reaction of Osho bring back the lost dignity of Draupadi ? Has that helped any other women in trouble to drape her lost dignity ? again the answer is, No.
Ever since I read this book [also mahabharat] my respect for the so called pandits of our society changed drastically. Because, those pandits who imposed harsh rule to that young girl was heartless and ruthlessly. Every men and women were cruel and insensitive to her feelings, needs, and emotion but, at the same time; this same ‘rule maker’ was very liberal to ‘his’ needs and feelings. This made me think more and more. I wonder why people failed to see it what I could not ignore at all after reading it ?
I told you in the very beginning, I don't read novels or book of literature, because I don't like the world of fiction. I read to understand life not to cry.   Crying may clean our emptiness, but just like the book it won't offer us any solutions for future. Not surprisingly soon, I reach the point that made me feel I should not read it further. I read it even at one point I felt like, stop reading it.


When I posted my thought on my facebook wall, my readers argued back, it's the reflection of mirror, its the story of our society. Ok lets agree with that part, but it's a half truth and more fiction right and we can't deny it. Thats where the writer failed to get it, in his way to imagination. I can see he stuck up in deadlock and got lost in real world chained by rules and law.


But, literature is never bound to the strict rule and law and writer agrees with this, which I read in almost at the end of this book. And that's the point that reminded me of the world of sheep who just obeyed and did everything that was said by some people who they respected blindly. Here at this point, I must mention one thing about this writer. He has been mentioned in the book China Harayeko Manche. It is he who had convinced Hari Bansha Acharya to marry and marry a widow, so that; he can set a role model to this society. My subconscious mind was seeking that man who wanted to break the shackle of society and in return he gave us the Pabitra who ended up life in brothel and then she learned life better and became wise sleeping with men, one day she was wiser than the swamis who were veterans of ved and what not who preached in ashrams.


What a coincidence, when I was reading the book, somebody just floated a link of Nepal ko Bahunbad. It was a study by a PHD holder Dr. Krishna Bhattachan. That work really helped me to see this story from a whole different angle. Why nothing changed in that story ? Why he was telling us this story ? why he picked this story. Her sorry and pathetic condition must have made him write this book but if her story can't help anyone then why even we know her story ? Fine, he cant help the one whose life is already like the setting sun but then what is the intention of the book if it can't help a single widow in future and what about another young widow ? All he needed her is to help him to give him name and fame ? Her story is nothing more than his bread and butter like our women right activists, who raise voice for widows, only their teary story can bring them lavish lifestyle ?


This is also the story of a society, that lacks there is no woman, grandmother, mother, daughter, sister or aunty who dared to break a single law that chained them. Every girl/woman was treated like a free domestic maid and no one resented it. No grandmother and mother and a wife tried to change it. No man loved a mother/wife/daughter so much he send her  school or college like men were sent.  Just if in case, if she becomes a young widow she won't have to live a life of domestic helper all her life, even if in her home, but she can be a teacher, social worker, or anything she wanted go be. Instead, women were needed to take care of men - as free domestic maid. It was the time, when all she had two choice, either home or brothel [ is that's far the writers imagination can take him ?] or the river bank waiting for death. It pressed me to think more. Are we living in very primitive age almost stone age ? I thought, it's the story of an era where humans were as good as animals, when they used to live in group, just like the herd of animals, instead of single home and did not let their brain to think to change strict rules imposed upon them. But it was not the story of that far age !


However, none of them were taught to take 'the step' in life that feels right as being a human. How blinded by fear of religion and philosophy. They only obeyed the strict rules imposed on them in the name of god, to maintain the good girl image and culture.  When the writer all he could think and imagine is a prostitute could only think of the work prostitution to that open minded young widow Pabitra,and then at the later part of her life ending in ashram as mata. Worse than that, I resent it that almost all the characters ended up in ashram and Devghat. As if life do not have other purpose in between old age and death. As if, all of us are waiting for death - as described by eastern philosophy. As if,  we can't use our sad and bad experience in life to help others with a hope that, what I have seen and been the new generatio should not face such harsh and brutal reality of life.


Like  at one point my heart broke, reading when during her first period - which is so natural phase every girls has to go through in her life - how badly and cruel way she was treated with her in-laws. Such brutality can squeeze tears from everyone who reads it. But,  why she did not  wanted to devote her life teaching young girls about it telling them this is very natural and every girl goes through this in our life. She also could have shared her experience with others openly in her close knit circle of girls/women, it has direct relation with life creation also. For such natural process of life, no girl should not be treated with such cruelty, therefore such beating for over bleeding needs to he slammed without an ounce of shyness. But that punishment also was used  in the book only to squeeze tears from readers. Period is still a taboo in our society specially in bahuns circle and her life spending on the river bank is no use to any young girl to learn from her sad experience.


A writer's brain travels in all direction and can reach there, where even sun can't reach but then why some tell you just the story of society saying it's the reflection of society I am showing you ?


Perhaps for this very reason,  I now have more disgust in my heart for the  fear of rebirth, waiting death in the river banks, not having guts to live life beyond the rules imposed on us  and worse not resenting it when they impose the meaningless rules on us in the name of god. The real God do not want to punish us for our innocent and harmless mistakes. Some so called pandits made these rules, making her life miserable and they do it keeping in mind, benefits of only the handful people; mostly preserving all the rights to bahuns circle only. They made  the law and enjoyed seeing it, those who abided it; when they keep all the loopholes safe for themselves.


They went for harsher rules for those who resented such ruling like the hell, burning in fire in hell or the worse will happen in next life, which no one have seen and been and no record of such life after death.  The living people were forced to live the life worse than the death due to such fear of unseen.


This is a story of bahun family, scripted by a bahun writer, published by bahun[s] and selected for prestigious award from the institution that is ruled by bahun. They always want to put themselves calling we are the upper cast and we make the rules for all. Dig deeper in Nepal ko Bahunbad by Dr. bhattachan and you will find some answer why they do so. Briefly, let me tell you it's nothing more than the sheer pleasure of fooling those people who never ask, why.


Are all bahun always that bad ? May be a group of them, if they are given a chance to make rules. But, just then my mind is travelling to the memory lane of a Hindi movie, I have watched long time back. Prem Rog is a story of young widow perhaps, almost the same time when Tara was living her life here in Nepal.This is one of the best movie by Raj Kapoor, he is an Indian bahun. For me a literature is the one who tells you the story from a society, but; he also adds a pinch of new age thinking and imagination of his own that can change the age old shackles of our society. A true literature helps breaks the shackle not strengthen those human made iron shackle to chain some sections of humans under sheer fear. Ok, now I get it; what my subconscious mind what seeking in that book. Our young writer Mr Neupane can only wish, I had not watched that movie, I was not fan of Mr Kapoor's work, I have not read the western philosophy and at last but not the least he could wish I am not a feminist who has a brain of a human not a sheep.


I remember reading an Indian intellect Vishal Mangalwadi, who is also a christian religious leader wrote in his book Truth and Transformation, eastern philosophy - meditation - is practiced to empty our brain not to open our minds. Not, surprisingly and that is the reason none of the character did anything that is humanly possible to help each other. For that reason this philosophy disgusted me for telling me a story of a widow without intention to help another widow. In his perfect writing, I did not find anything that will make me read him more of his work, before and after. This will be first and last from this writer. But the writer has a good heart, perhaps; I should check his book, if he changes his publisher.


Note :
Tara* is given name to protect privasy.
Nepal ko Bahunbad

Sunday, August 30, 2015

Why the condition of women never change in this country ?

Some time back I found myself watching more than three dozen videos in one sitting that made my eyes bloat like anything and yet my work was not half done. Because, there were more than six dozens videos to be watched for me to get the clear view of it. Me, not being a political person, was compelled to watch all those small videos to understand what is associated with politically. Because, it was also related with women's right issue, I have no choice but to watch all those videos individually and then grasp the core collective meaning of it; even if, politics fails to grip my attention squarely. In that videos women right activists voiced their concerns about the rights of women's and wondered we have done so much in the past years and yet why this 2072 constitution is clipping the rights of women than that was more liberal in 2047 ?


Why, is the big question which a couple of women’s right activists raised, when they were given a chance to raise voice for women's rights. We all know media plays a huge role in every society to bring the much sought change. There is no doubt, this is one of the right vehicle to bring change in society. We also know that men in our society, mainly who are in mainstream media; are scared of brilliant and intelligent woman. It seems they are not comfortable when she  opens her open mouth or pen. I am sure you must have read and kept quiet when you have read about pain of periods or post pregnancy problems written by a man who is not an expert but just a journalist [man] like any other woman journalists in my country. Why the media bosses did not feel comfortable to give that job to our female journalist to pen down on subjects that is purely  ours[?], well the simple answer is he must have felt shy about it.


Well our mainstream media are biased about the issues that are related  to women. Be it her basic rights, gender issues and equal rights, VAW cases; they are simply scared to open talk about it. They view our women right activists as merely people who work only to earn dollar, as if, this is not our society’s problem but the issues of INGO or NGOs.  Realizing this, to become the collective voice of women's Sancharika Samuha was established around 1998. Well when I watch their TV show Samakone which is funded project which is viewed by men in this society, as the borrowed concept. And our society do not need such drastic changes as our society as women rights activists fights or demand for. Being a feminist, I really have decided not to pass any comments on Samakone program which is at times way of the track to find the rights of women. I really did kept myself away from passing comments on it even though they were off the track in their search to find answer, thinking being a feminist I should not raise question to others who are also raising voice for women’s right. Sometimes, some differences and some mistake needs to be ignored with wide open eyes and ears also.  


Recently, I read an article in Nagariknews by Mr. Subash Ghimire, editor Republica, how an ex-president of Harvard had to resign from his position in 2005 after his controversial speech saying one reason there are relatively few women in top positions in science may be "issues of intrinsic aptitude." The remarks were made at a small seminar on January 14. When The Boston Globe reported on the remarks -- and the anger of some women who heard them -- the comments became the focus of an international debate.

After reading this piece of article, my mind is reeling back to the time when Nirmala Sharma, President of Sancharika Samuha appointed Gunaraj Luitel as editor just after he wrote that contradicting article on Setopati. Where he twisting the whole episode of acid attack - which is a serious form of crime against VAW - into a caste base issue - which is a lot less punishable crime compared to acid attack. There was no voice raised by a single women right activist against that twisting of a case. On top of that there was this appointment to tease the women right activist or the journalist of this country. That appointment made me go what ! ? !  No women right activists/journalist within the Sancharika Samuha raised their voice on this appointment nor there was a single article on this matter in any mainstream media. How come we don't have a single journalists working within or outside of sancharika samuha to raise voice against that appointment, at least I did not read it anywhere.  I really wonder why ?


Had it been in any other country, chances are very high that she would have to resign from  her position for such appointment. Where she sided with the man who twisted the whole discourse in media. It diverted people demanding punishment for culprit to suddenly sympathy as he was rejected due to his lower caste. Why no  journalists [ does she really has to be a woman journalist ?] raised their voice, when Sangita Pulami Magar’s  the acid attack victim and the Jiban BK case was overturned so swiftly by the power of pen of a journalist who has so strong pen and opinion like Mr. Luitel.


Can he do that ? When I read that article, I was stunned. But, may be that was not enough. What is more interesting to pay attention here is, Mr luitel left the team of Sancharika Samuha in less than 30 days to join Nagarik as its editor. No other person can find better way to slap on the face of feminist journalists as well as activists on her face than Mr Luitel did so swiftly with his this two act, back to back. But then, I really wonder why, no one said a word about this also ?  And how come Mrs Sharma can ignore the whole episode and yet appoint him as the editor of a Sancharika online which main objective is to raise voice for women's rights ? Was that because the journalists [all female] in Sancharika did not wanted to lose friendship with Mr. Luitel. Or this also could be they wanted to keep the road opening for future posting when they live this alternative media to mainstream media ? Can these journalist be trusted to raise voice for women’s right, who need them to their voice ? I seriously doubt so.


What I really have not been able to ignore still is, when there are some rape news or news that is about equal right issue [currently citizenship issue] on Nagarik new site the management of the NagarikNews won't edit or delete the most filthy and degrading comments that are targeted to the rape victims, mostly on women of VAW cases. On top of that I also don't get a chance to read news or coverage raising voice on such news coverage in any other news portals that is run by feminist journalists. Why they are feeling uncomfortable to raise voice for such news also ? What stops them to tell the news site bosses not to do so ? am I the only watchdog in this country to keep eye on them ? It really leaves me wondering all the time. Still the most important point is why all the clusters of women right activist are not calling everyone to join the protest. Well where are journalist who pens on women's right issue ? And I don't have a slightest trust on Sancharika Samuha will make this news on priority, unless they will get  extra fund to run the news from Norwegian Embassy.