Rings of Power

What is power and what makes a thing or a thought a powerful one in our society. Who is behind a thought, is there an institution or a person behind it ?  Lets try to understand the rings of power.

Sex : Sex is good for good and bad for bad people. To some sex is love to some sex is lust. To some sex is biological need, to some it's the only way that helps the universe get going. However, there are people among us who view sex as a power play tool.  There are people who believe more you have sex with more people longer you live in life. Is that true ? the existence of superior sex and inferior sex is based on this thought who is powerful on bed ? Who can dominate one another on bed ? Why two different sex can't co-exist under the same roof when they have to share just one bed ? The whole concept of sex should be on union not on fighting for power play.

Money : There is this famous saying, money is not god but is not less than God also. When it comes to money there are whole world divided in two groups, one worships money as if it's god; as it solves half the problem on earth and other group view it as root of all evil. How come one takes it as supreme power and another sees it as root of evil ?  instead of knowing the root of its cause, we have people who will run after money or and some plainly blames it for all the bad things that happens in our society.

Religion: The thought of God is very personal and it is all about faith. People are always seeking to be in the like minded circle. A reason to talk and share view and believes when it comes to God. people are divided in many groups of religions. And there are feelings of supremacy among the many types of religions. It's really interesting to watch two group when one religious group beliefs my religion is better than yours. Religion is a kind of groupism. More people have been killed in the name of religion than in wars.

Politics : Politics is absolutely for people who like the game of power, because for them it's a center of power. Some like to be in the opposition of power and like to challenge the people in power. Everyone choose the kind of party that represent their own thought pattern. Some stick with politics purely because they are afraid of being  left out.

Education : Education is answer to all kind of darkness. It is education which can give us freedom for all types of shackles. We have all kind of education center there are all kind of faculty nowadays that are being taught in schools and colleges. Some, some gives importance to science and technology and some give importance to art and literature, gives importance to spiritual study. Paranormal science is some interested and I went to study commerce even if I had keen  interest in psychology.

Entertainment/ businessmen / science and technology : celebration is one of the most important part  of our life. Under this we can put all forms of art, sports, music, dance, literature and other way to express us. Celebrities are viewed and respected like god in some society because they do not talk about the other power games but just teach us to express us freely. They teach us to let some of our emotions flow. Game help unite all community regardless of caste, creed and nationality, celebration is above all kind of groupism which breaks all barriers that is build around us by other power players. When one sings a song our emotion melts down, when we dance fear flies out from window, when we read some books it unclogs some of our brain nerves and connect us to that part of life where we have never been. All these makes us feel more normal and that is what the entertainment industry do. Business covers also science and technology not just the other business in our society.

Movie, television, singing, dancing, literature, sports, painting, sculpture and other arts. Some worship the art and some artist shines like a bright star.

Media [public communication] : There are intellect people in media who can help the mass to understand what is going around us, in the society we live. They tell us about the new books, new technology, new invention, new leader, new hero or the rising star in sports. They are the one who help us to understand the cult in religion. They help us to understand the corrupt politicians and how this powerful politician’s handsome son is in broil of sex scandal. Although, there are good journalist there are also some journalists who never get tired of talking negative things around us and they think busting scam is their main job. Luckily, in every society there are some journalists and intellectuals who show us the right path to future.

What is interesting is a politician needs a religious guru for guideline, a religions guru needs a politician to amend some bill for the better society. A journalist needs a politician’s help to  crack some news and a politicians always needs journalists to rise and shine in news. A businessman needs a powerful politicians to get some deal approved, and a spiritual guru to realize some problem in his life. A religious guru needs donation from a businessmen. Every education institution needs mass to come and study what they teach in their universities. Every star needs general public to come and enjoy his/her art or talent. Every man and woman need each others back to support each other and move on in life and create a new life. So, who is in the center of power of ring of power ?

Unleashing the Creativity Within

Last week I deleted some designs which I have downloaded from internet for the blankets I am making for my charity project. Most of the designs were sunset. I thought big and bright colored sun in the center of a blanket would be better and nicer. Because, this is my first year of making blankets; so I wanted to have some clear cut idea about how the complete blanket should be. When I sit down to make something, whatever it is, there has to be clear cut picture of it, in my mind first, before I start it. Just like sweaters. I start making sweater, only if; its color, blend and design  is complete in my mind.

As for the help in case of blanket, the only guideline I have in my mind was, multi color, square shapes made by wool which I grew up using as a child in Bal Mandir. So, when I first made one, it was a lovely mix of colorful blunder, which I will never repeat again. Although, I am blind when it comes for art and painting but Manish Lal Shrestha is my personal favorite artist here. I love his paintings because he too, use all those bright and vibrant colors in his paintings. It’s so calming and soothing when you look at his painting, despite his choice of bright and vibrant colors.  

Slowly, donation started coming in and I had money to buy wool of all colors. Now, I have balls of lovely, bright and vibrant color in front of me. When I saw it, I forgot everything I have seen for ideas. I started working on what was in my mind. Those color in front of me was my inspiration. As for the clue, I have what I had seen as a child. More I made it more the complete picture started forming in form of blanket.

 Things that makes my knitting easy :

Healing therapy : I keep saying this, knitting is mediation and is a cheapest therapy every woman can afford. If you know how to knit, you never have to go in a meditation program. Somebody said that charity work is selfish deed, because we do this for our own deep satisfaction more than the one, who is going to receive our good deeds. So, when we  are knitting for charity by giving our valuable time for others, this work of ours must heal us from deep within. But how can this be possible ! ? ! Let it go, let it go everything, when I say everything, the things we make and the things that is deep inside us. Let it go. All the creativity that is trapped inside us must come out, all the colors that looks beautiful together in your mind must see the sun on earth. Don't be afraid to let it out in your work and designs. Show the world what you are capable of. Be bold when you start your new project and see how it feels when your friends see it for the first time. Let everything out, share it with your friends and let it go from you. See, what all you can make and give. Enjoy the process of expressing yourself through color, blend and designs. Like I say I make my statement with color or my knit work says a lot about me. You know I look great when I wear the sweater I design for me. I never feel that good in the dress I buy from market. That gives me deep satisfaction. Just work on it.

Keep it simple : When I knit I have to keep it very simple. It has to be so simple that I can put my eyes all the time on TV and watch my favorite program while I knit. Watching romantic or comedy movies makes it so easy to finish my knitting projects.

Work on your favorite color : when it comes to wool, I love all colors with some exception. Working on colors which I like makes my knitting whole lot better instead of working on color which I don't like.  Working on colors which we don’t like drag the time of our project.

Creative mind creative work : remind yourself we are not working in Chinese factory. If we have a design in our mind, before we start our project then it excites us to see when are we going to complete the work in our hand. You are the boss of your new design and you are the boss of your color selection. No one can see it until it's complete so give yourself a chance. Let it out see how creative you are and can be. Yeah even when you know you are not the one, who will be using it once the work is finish.  

Give yourself a rest : in my case that rest is when I wait for more donation to come in. It's about two days at max, every time I need money to buy more wool. That rest time helps me to think beforehand how my next creation will look like. Then it's easy to move fast when my wool comes. Tired brain and hand can't create the lovely product that your friends appreciates truely !

Here are my six new designs of blanket which gave me enough confidence to delete the designs which I have downloaded from internet. This is how I say, I love all colors. Color selection saves time to speak much; yet I am telling you, this is my hobby, my project, my passion, my pride, my stress buster and my mediation. This is how I make statement when I let my creativity flow. For use of bright and vibrant colors in my work, I say my inspiration is artist Manish Lal Shrestha. For me this is more than a blanket; this is how I play with colors in my painting. 





And yes, Sabita, thank you for clicking pictures with your Samsung mobile.

Allergic to dirt, dust and dirty places

It seems that I am always at the brim of boiling point when it comes to reacting, when I see dirty place. Sometimes, I think it's not an acceptable behavior if you are a Nepali. It is surprising to see tolerance for dirt and dirty place. It's so accepted habit.  I mean to say, for an average Nepali its ok with unhygienic kitchen, smelly toilet, or stained utensils that is used  either in toilet or kitchen. It's so in its look that stings eyes and raise a question how come people close their eyes even if they are college educated. How come some people can take it so easily and not be bother by its ugliness. It's expected you do not raise a question on its cleanliness, dirt, dust and dirty nature of average Nepali. You are expected to  adjust with all the sickening environment and be accepted by your community.

Have you ever been to the many hostels that is being running in the city ? have you seen the hygienic standards there ? have you been to the toilet ? Have you paid a close attention to the buckets that has ugly stains ? Have you paid close attention to the cups they drink tea, seen the inner bottom of the cup, the handlebars of it ? Have you seen the kitchen and those stained utensils in it ? It's surprising how come college students living there for long could see it everyday and yet not do anything to change those dirty utensils, smelly and stained toilets.

Did you read me when I wrote average Nepali have so much of tolerance for dirty place like smelly and stained toilets and bathrooms, muddy roads and dusty airs that can harm our health. Then how come I also being an average Nepali have so little patience for all this ? just when this question ring in my head, the whole scene of clean process reeled in my eyes, which I grew up observing for years as a growing up child.

I grew up in Bal Mandir. When I was there every morning our room used to be well broomed, dusted by nannies. It was a daily ritual. But, big girls or boys used to do it as a team. They used to work in pair for and that pair was made for a whole month. Every week it is a must to dust out rooms, beds, bath, and wash cloths. There was no way to escape from all that clean mechanism.

I remember how Bhaicha Dai [Janitor] used to clean the surrounding of Bal Mandir twice a day. How he used to clean 18 toilets twice a day including bathrooms, where about 200 people used to live. There was a man named Kancha Dai to clean the big kitchen after every meal. He used to clean the big mess where young children used to eat meal.

Children under 12 year old are considered young in children homes. Children above 13 years   old are considered  big enough for many types of  daily works.

Big girls and boys used to have their meal in separate mess that was joined to the big mess. After every meal they have to clean it. For that also there was a team of a pair. Its upto the pair to decide who will carry water and then who will sweep the floor. First, they have to just sweep it dry and then pour buckets of water. After that sweep the floor again draining all the water. Minimum three buckets of water pouring on the floor was needed to clean mess after meal and it must look squeaky clean was the acceptable condition.

So many donors used to visit Bal Mandir and some times some of them must have  strong ideas on cleanliness, I guess. I do remember one team of volunteers who changed the our tolerance toward the smelly and stained toilets. That team taught us how to erase the stain marks on toilet floors and on pans. It was the time way before the harpic was available in the market. I do remember very well, even if; I could have been under ten years old. We used rough stones to get rid  from those ugly stubborn stains. I think it was that time when we were taught not to give in and try to get rid of those ugly tough stains and smells anyway, if we want clean toilets and environment.

Now, getting rid of those eye stinging stains in the toilet pans or commode is one spray of harpic away. Yet, why the young generation are so tolerant to ugly stains in toilet and bathrooms and kitchen sink ? Normal flush habit is also hard to be seen in our society. All it takes is a habit of flushing for smell free toilet, yet we have so much tolerance for smelly toilets. I have been to many toilets in banks and NGOs where I can see they have posted a notice to flush it. Ironically, most toilet do not have functioning flush in toilets. This is very common sites in our toilets even in A class bank and NGOs.  

Hygienic is another concern here, how many toilet offers soap to wash hands and towel to dry out ? Answer is very few.

Have you ever seen or heard of hostel student's meeting with it keeper. Ask a student who stays in hostels, did you raise a topic on clean toilet, kitchen or utensils ? Simple answer, NO ! They focus on meal mostly on variety of curry or day snacks. Never ever they complain about the dirty toilet, bathroom or the clean dining or kitchen area. Sure there are some hostels which takes care of these matter but it's in very limited number. If you see many of them in the kitchen you wonder why cleanliness and hygienic lifestyle is considered rich and affluent peoples habit ? Why it falls on last priority of average Nepali ? Are we not humans to think side by side for food on plate as well as clean environment after and before meal ? How can we not be so serious to think about it. Have this subject ever been given a priority in our school and college ? Looking at the cleanliness habit and hygienic standards of average college students, there is no doubt it was never ever given an equal priority as much as having food on plate. This mindset raise one question, how civilized we are ?

Picture speaks a thousands words

There is this very famous believe that picture speaks a thousand words. And today I would like to tell you a story using just pictures from different area of my society. There are men in my society who can argue their hearts out saying that the condition of the women in our society is not that bad compared to the other south Asian countries. 

There may be truth in that line but I ask in what way ? !  if we see the picture here of the judges that was chosen for 2072. See the picture carefully,  there are women who are placed in the picture as if for decorations. And just count them to be sure how many are there. If you look at the ages of these men, I am sure they have daughters or daughters in laws who could have been trained for this very positions by now but you cant see even these judge's daughters in this picture forget about others daughter falling in their recommended list. However, good news is almost about eight months of this picture was taken, we did get a chance to read in news that a woman, named Sushila Karki was nominated for the position of chief justice first time in the history of this country. We still take pride in it.

Politics is that one area where men dominate all position as if its the area made exclusively for men only and there is nothing a women can do better here. Our men appear in majority of public appearance as if they dont have women in life. It does not surprise me we dont have leaders in our country. But then, remember these are the pictures of our politicians and not pictures of our leaders. Ironically, if we pick a news paper our news men again another men dominated area, our newsmen tells us  what I call is out of ego and professional confusion between a leader and a politician  introduce them as leaders of our society. 

This is the picture of newly established team of a magazine, I picked from their facebook wall post. If you look at the picture you can find more new age generation of journalists than yesteryear men, yet you cant see a single women in this team. I will be very conscious not to pick this magazine purely because what can I find in it when it has such biased team of men. When I posted on their wall are you afraid of the intelligence of women to include her in your team, Bimal Gautam, from whose wall post I picked this picture replied, we dont know any one do you have any name to recommend ! 

This is exactly is the reason I would like you to tell the story via picture !

The perfect man

Recently, I came across a definition of a joitngre. The description of the man goes like this : someone who has immense love towards his wife, who values opinions of his wife, involves her in his decision making process, someone who shares household chores with his wife; does not mind taking care kitchen and stuffs, prioritizes her happiness and expectations above others; does not hesitate to express his love and affections; stand by her forever.

Maybe this is perfect definition of the man who loves his wife and stands for her. However, I think this definition of a man is incomplete in itself in so many ways than one. It's really hard to believe that guy of this kind ever existed in my society. Never heard of it as I have never read any story revolving around this man and a family prospering in his guidelines that slowly changed even a small section of our society.

If he ever existed then how come we have never heard of a story that also tell us about this kind of man.  In a society where I grew joitingre is the man who should have been in high demand. As my society have had enough of the man dominated society who regards women as second class citizen.

If he really existed, we should not have been fighting for gender equality. Our street have been devoid of drama by women’s right activists.

To my knowledge, the word joitingre in fact,  have been using to hurl insult to the type of men who listens his wife only and this is the reason men of this kind take it as a humiliating. I have never ever come across in my life not in a story or book  that this society tell us about a man who boldly supports his wife and then he also comes out in the world saying, yes I love my wife, do you have any objection with my feelings for her ?

On the contrary, all the men who are termed as joitingre hide his feelings and shrinks when someone calls him joitingre ! As a matter of fact, it's his close relatives who calls him this word than the outsiders. Honestly speaking, it's his parents who use this word more than anyone, to humiliate him in front of the other relatives, if he sides with his wife for decision making process. It's the family secret and insult.

Going through this definition made me feel that, this is the definition that is befitting to those men who are feminist. Contrary to joitingre, men who are feminists also love his wife and stand for her But they are not the kind who needs to hide his feelings from the world.

Feminist men have always been emerged as a strong and a very popular leader in every area not just in politics. American President Barack Obama is a feminist and considered one the great leader of his time. He is not just feminist but he is also proud to admit it to the whole world. Just like him Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is also a feminist and proud to announce it to the whole world for being a feminist. A man who is a true feminist is not shy about admitting he being a feminist. However, this is the not case of with a joitingre.  

The perfection of this definition almost made me cry in guilt for not picking up one man for me. I can't even say that the joitingre cant never be around. But, I don't want a shy guy, not the one who shirks when his close relatives use this word to insult him. I don't need a man who is ‘yes mom’, ‘yes honey’ and then you two are pulling me apart. I don't need a mama’s boy and when his mother tells him joitingre he will cry out and then do not know which side to take.

A real man knows how to balance both.  

I need a man, who is a feminist not a joitingre, who can come out from the dark and say proudly to the whole world, I am Joitingre. Show me, how many men we have in our society, who will stand up and say out proudly, “Yes I am joitingre !”

Needless to go further down to tell you that in my society my man exists only in definition. He sounds perfect in definition however in reality he is gutless. And gutless is useless is so many ways.

Truth hurts or sets you free ?

He fell in love with me after reading my post. I have no idea how long he had been reading me. He was one of that rare wise person who posted comment with much thought and perfect articulation. As time passed by, we got hooked on chat room. Unlike me,  he was a shy guy and a gutless lover.  Knowing his was looking  for special kind of friendship, I told him to read my blog that tells in detail,  how I grew up in Bal Mandir.

There was time I used to feel so uncomfortable to tell people, I grew up in Bal Mandir. Now, it's not that hard to tell them. In fact I like to see their reaction and read it in amusement. I really don't understand why some people think and behave  as if we are untouchables when they come to know that we grew up in children home. What it has to  do with who we are ? What it has to do with who they are ? why thier pride and prestige is so fragile that when we are in it, it makes the sound of shattering glass without falling any glass ? How come a man’s pride and prestige is so fragile ? if it's that fragile is it really a pride and prestiges ? Questions like this really makes me think  a lot.

Interestingly, this is not the first time I am rejected by a man knowing I grew up in Bal Mandir. Before also I have been. To be honest, if I tell you my ex-man’s name 99% of you don't even know him. No, not a chance to hear his name in future until you hear him from me saying I used to date this guy. If in case you know him, you must be his family member. He is not known widely in big circle, even to talk about pride and prestiges. As a matter of fact he is that guy who is so insecure and unconfident under that facade of a macho man. He feared that I will walk longer than him and will be liked by more people than he is known in the small circle. He is just not comfortable with that thought.  This one, you sure will grasp your breath how come the man of his stature and position could be interested in me. But, I told you he was drawn to my intelligence and it was hard for him that I could have such childhood.

Now a days, I am mentally prepared that the guy might change the course of his feelings for me, the moment he comes to know that I grew up in Bal Mandir. So, it's safe for me to tell him in the beginning rather than holding it for at the climax of relationship to break the news of my childhood tragedy. This gives me enough chance to watch his behaviour. How he will treat me with and withouot that knowledge.  In my case, both guys were decent enough not to break the relationship abruptly. But the decision was made once they came to know about me, that I  grew up in Bal Mandir.

In recent case the guy took about three years to pull him from me. It's natural may be, when we are grown and mature enough; we don't invest our emotions that fast as it's not easy to move on like  a teenager with a snap of a finger or a blink of an eye.

The interesting fact here is, I know he loves me and respects me truly. However a million dollar question is; can I wake up with the man, everyday; knowing he has problem accepting my past ? Is this normal when a person loves you so much but do not want to accept parts of your reality ? Is this love when someone makes you feel, uneasy and uncomfortable for the tragedy that happen in your live and you have to live with it ? why some one says I love you, and then goes in silent coma for so long. Why he is scared of that three words !

What kind of man goes in silent coma after uttering three magic words  ! if he really loves you, will he find a blanket to cover his feelings ? I guess, no. What if that blanket is named pride and prestige ? That sure is just a cover up to his feelings but not the truth. A lie you might want to believe thinking this is our society.

On top of that I am not the type who says let's get marry. Living together do not suit his high profile public life. What it has to do his high profile public life and my much hyped social life ?

I am also not the type who eye on a royal, aristocrat or a filthy rich for settlement in life. I have seen many women living with men who feel sorry for her, who feel pity for her, who show  sympathy for her yet he refuse her existence as another human being under a roof. I know I will never  feel comfortable in such situation. I never find a man to marry just to pick my bills or to be my security blanket or a free ticket to my daily meals. I am not that shallow to have him around for all those reasons.

Last year he deleted me from his facebook but we were still in touch as it was hard for both of us to break the contact abruptly, especially for me. Later on, he admitted his condition was also not so good after his decision to move in life devoid of me. After that I am haunted by a shadow image, a ghost of a loving man, who loved me so dearly in his absence. Having a shadow image of him at my service and not having the real man in my real life was one heck of a problem to face in life. At that time it was hard for me to compose myself. However, I consciously made a decision then whatever happens I do not want to end up in mental hospital. It's the hungry for attention mind that plays the reels, which I have no control of. Of course, it was painful reality to live-by to be loved by somebody who was not around in reality. But, I always made him read my feelings that made him cry many times.

He pulled himself all the time from me. Is that what you call being brave ? or being disciplined in life ? He remained silent most of the time.

Couple of days before Jerry requested me to kill that ghost saying, I am going to marry soon. My answer was Congratulations, I hope ghost will be vanished if the genie finds a lady by his side permanently. I am hoping I will not be haunted by the loving ghost once if he goes out to take the step. Everyone has his/her life to live the life as they define.

But, that ghost did not stop coming in my room to love, to hold me in his arms to kiss me and to make love with me. This time not just to love me but now he also talked. His few lines, I love you, I need you. Now this is more painful to hear that ghost talk like this when he said want to marry with someone else.  

Just then when I realised I was lying to myself thinking he loves me. I have to accept it that he doesn't love me that's why he wants to move on in life or cut the contact with me. This sure hurts. It's painful. Self denial is a lie, so it's more painful. If I accept it and decide to move on in life then truth sets me free. Holding on history is painful, moving on in future is freedom ! I learned it depends on me what I decide, remain hurt or choose freedom.

As for this guy I call Jerry, I still love him. Now, the difference is I have learned that I love me too. I remember long time back, I have decided to love me more than anyone can love me because I have no option. As there were no one to love me the way I could love me.

Did he wish to be born as a rich man's son before he died ?

Abraham Lincoln and J. F Kennedy is regarded one of the best leaders in the political history of America. Both  of them never met each other, nah did not even cross each other's road. One was born poor and another born with a silver spoon in his mouth. One was a son of a shoe maker and another was son of powerful businessman as well an influential man in politics. They were born about a 100 years apart, yeah 100 is that number that do have power to puzzle you, if you see the facts of reality in this two leaders life.  

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846. John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946. Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860. John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960. Both were particularly concerned with civil rights. Both their wives lost a child while living in the White House. Both Presidents were shot on a Friday. Both Presidents were shot in the head.

Now it takes the another height.

Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy. Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln. Both were assassinated by Southerners. Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson. Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808. Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908. John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839. Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939. Both assassins were known by their three names. Both names are composed of fifteen letters. Now hang on to your seat.

Lincoln was shot at the theater named "Ford." Kennedy was shot in a car called "Lincoln" made by "Ford." Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials. And here's the "kicker":

A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland. A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.

AND..................

Lincoln was shot in a theater and the assassin ran to a warehouse. Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and the assassin ran to a theater.

Blogger's note : I take no credit of compilation of this toughest task of going through the history  of America with such details. I have read this long time back when I was still in school. Recently,  when I saw this doing its round in Facebook I thought you sure would like to know how the history bounced back in 100 years in politics of America.  So, if original writer will request me to delete it from here I will have to respect that.