Allergic to dirt, dust and dirty places

It seems that I am always at the brim of boiling point when it comes to reacting, when I see dirty place. Sometimes, I think it's not an acceptable behavior if you are a Nepali. It is surprising to see tolerance for dirt and dirty place. It's so accepted habit.  I mean to say, for an average Nepali its ok with unhygienic kitchen, smelly toilet, or stained utensils that is used  either in toilet or kitchen. It's so in its look that stings eyes and raise a question how come people close their eyes even if they are college educated. How come some people can take it so easily and not be bother by its ugliness. It's expected you do not raise a question on its cleanliness, dirt, dust and dirty nature of average Nepali. You are expected to  adjust with all the sickening environment and be accepted by your community.

Have you ever been to the many hostels that is being running in the city ? have you seen the hygienic standards there ? have you been to the toilet ? Have you paid a close attention to the buckets that has ugly stains ? Have you paid close attention to the cups they drink tea, seen the inner bottom of the cup, the handlebars of it ? Have you seen the kitchen and those stained utensils in it ? It's surprising how come college students living there for long could see it everyday and yet not do anything to change those dirty utensils, smelly and stained toilets.

Did you read me when I wrote average Nepali have so much of tolerance for dirty place like smelly and stained toilets and bathrooms, muddy roads and dusty airs that can harm our health. Then how come I also being an average Nepali have so little patience for all this ? just when this question ring in my head, the whole scene of clean process reeled in my eyes, which I grew up observing for years as a growing up child.

I grew up in Bal Mandir. When I was there every morning our room used to be well broomed, dusted by nannies. It was a daily ritual. But, big girls or boys used to do it as a team. They used to work in pair for and that pair was made for a whole month. Every week it is a must to dust out rooms, beds, bath, and wash cloths. There was no way to escape from all that clean mechanism.

I remember how Bhaicha Dai [Janitor] used to clean the surrounding of Bal Mandir twice a day. How he used to clean 18 toilets twice a day including bathrooms, where about 200 people used to live. There was a man named Kancha Dai to clean the big kitchen after every meal. He used to clean the big mess where young children used to eat meal.

Children under 12 year old are considered young in children homes. Children above 13 years   old are considered  big enough for many types of  daily works.

Big girls and boys used to have their meal in separate mess that was joined to the big mess. After every meal they have to clean it. For that also there was a team of a pair. Its upto the pair to decide who will carry water and then who will sweep the floor. First, they have to just sweep it dry and then pour buckets of water. After that sweep the floor again draining all the water. Minimum three buckets of water pouring on the floor was needed to clean mess after meal and it must look squeaky clean was the acceptable condition.

So many donors used to visit Bal Mandir and some times some of them must have  strong ideas on cleanliness, I guess. I do remember one team of volunteers who changed the our tolerance toward the smelly and stained toilets. That team taught us how to erase the stain marks on toilet floors and on pans. It was the time way before the harpic was available in the market. I do remember very well, even if; I could have been under ten years old. We used rough stones to get rid  from those ugly stubborn stains. I think it was that time when we were taught not to give in and try to get rid of those ugly tough stains and smells anyway, if we want clean toilets and environment.

Now, getting rid of those eye stinging stains in the toilet pans or commode is one spray of harpic away. Yet, why the young generation are so tolerant to ugly stains in toilet and bathrooms and kitchen sink ? Normal flush habit is also hard to be seen in our society. All it takes is a habit of flushing for smell free toilet, yet we have so much tolerance for smelly toilets. I have been to many toilets in banks and NGOs where I can see they have posted a notice to flush it. Ironically, most toilet do not have functioning flush in toilets. This is very common sites in our toilets even in A class bank and NGOs.  

Hygienic is another concern here, how many toilet offers soap to wash hands and towel to dry out ? Answer is very few.

Have you ever seen or heard of hostel student's meeting with it keeper. Ask a student who stays in hostels, did you raise a topic on clean toilet, kitchen or utensils ? Simple answer, NO ! They focus on meal mostly on variety of curry or day snacks. Never ever they complain about the dirty toilet, bathroom or the clean dining or kitchen area. Sure there are some hostels which takes care of these matter but it's in very limited number. If you see many of them in the kitchen you wonder why cleanliness and hygienic lifestyle is considered rich and affluent peoples habit ? Why it falls on last priority of average Nepali ? Are we not humans to think side by side for food on plate as well as clean environment after and before meal ? How can we not be so serious to think about it. Have this subject ever been given a priority in our school and college ? Looking at the cleanliness habit and hygienic standards of average college students, there is no doubt it was never ever given an equal priority as much as having food on plate. This mindset raise one question, how civilized we are ?

Picture speaks a thousands words

There is this very famous believe that picture speaks a thousand words. And today I would like to tell you a story using just pictures from different area of my society. There are men in my society who can argue their hearts out saying that the condition of the women in our society is not that bad compared to the other south Asian countries. 

There may be truth in that line but I ask in what way ? !  if we see the picture here of the judges that was chosen for 2072. See the picture carefully,  there are women who are placed in the picture as if for decorations. And just count them to be sure how many are there. If you look at the ages of these men, I am sure they have daughters or daughters in laws who could have been trained for this very positions by now but you cant see even these judge's daughters in this picture forget about others daughter falling in their recommended list. However, good news is almost about eight months of this picture was taken, we did get a chance to read in news that a woman, named Sushila Karki was nominated for the position of chief justice first time in the history of this country. We still take pride in it.

Politics is that one area where men dominate all position as if its the area made exclusively for men only and there is nothing a women can do better here. Our men appear in majority of public appearance as if they dont have women in life. It does not surprise me we dont have leaders in our country. But then, remember these are the pictures of our politicians and not pictures of our leaders. Ironically, if we pick a news paper our news men again another men dominated area, our newsmen tells us  what I call is out of ego and professional confusion between a leader and a politician  introduce them as leaders of our society. 

This is the picture of newly established team of a magazine, I picked from their facebook wall post. If you look at the picture you can find more new age generation of journalists than yesteryear men, yet you cant see a single women in this team. I will be very conscious not to pick this magazine purely because what can I find in it when it has such biased team of men. When I posted on their wall are you afraid of the intelligence of women to include her in your team, Bimal Gautam, from whose wall post I picked this picture replied, we dont know any one do you have any name to recommend ! 

This is exactly is the reason I would like you to tell the story via picture !

The perfect man

Recently, I came across a definition of a joitngre. The description of the man goes like this : someone who has immense love towards his wife, who values opinions of his wife, involves her in his decision making process, someone who shares household chores with his wife; does not mind taking care kitchen and stuffs, prioritizes her happiness and expectations above others; does not hesitate to express his love and affections; stand by her forever.

Maybe this is perfect definition of the man who loves his wife and stands for her. However, I think this definition of a man is incomplete in itself in so many ways than one. It's really hard to believe that guy of this kind ever existed in my society. Never heard of it as I have never read any story revolving around this man and a family prospering in his guidelines that slowly changed even a small section of our society.

If he ever existed then how come we have never heard of a story that also tell us about this kind of man.  In a society where I grew joitingre is the man who should have been in high demand. As my society have had enough of the man dominated society who regards women as second class citizen.

If he really existed, we should not have been fighting for gender equality. Our street have been devoid of drama by women’s right activists.

To my knowledge, the word joitingre in fact,  have been using to hurl insult to the type of men who listens his wife only and this is the reason men of this kind take it as a humiliating. I have never ever come across in my life not in a story or book  that this society tell us about a man who boldly supports his wife and then he also comes out in the world saying, yes I love my wife, do you have any objection with my feelings for her ?

On the contrary, all the men who are termed as joitingre hide his feelings and shrinks when someone calls him joitingre ! As a matter of fact, it's his close relatives who calls him this word than the outsiders. Honestly speaking, it's his parents who use this word more than anyone, to humiliate him in front of the other relatives, if he sides with his wife for decision making process. It's the family secret and insult.

Going through this definition made me feel that, this is the definition that is befitting to those men who are feminist. Contrary to joitingre, men who are feminists also love his wife and stand for her But they are not the kind who needs to hide his feelings from the world.

Feminist men have always been emerged as a strong and a very popular leader in every area not just in politics. American President Barack Obama is a feminist and considered one the great leader of his time. He is not just feminist but he is also proud to admit it to the whole world. Just like him Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is also a feminist and proud to announce it to the whole world for being a feminist. A man who is a true feminist is not shy about admitting he being a feminist. However, this is the not case of with a joitingre.  

The perfection of this definition almost made me cry in guilt for not picking up one man for me. I can't even say that the joitingre cant never be around. But, I don't want a shy guy, not the one who shirks when his close relatives use this word to insult him. I don't need a man who is ‘yes mom’, ‘yes honey’ and then you two are pulling me apart. I don't need a mama’s boy and when his mother tells him joitingre he will cry out and then do not know which side to take.

A real man knows how to balance both.  

I need a man, who is a feminist not a joitingre, who can come out from the dark and say proudly to the whole world, I am Joitingre. Show me, how many men we have in our society, who will stand up and say out proudly, “Yes I am joitingre !”

Needless to go further down to tell you that in my society my man exists only in definition. He sounds perfect in definition however in reality he is gutless. And gutless is useless is so many ways.

Truth hurts or sets you free ?

He fell in love with me after reading my post. I have no idea how long he had been reading me. He was one of that rare wise person who posted comment with much thought and perfect articulation. As time passed by, we got hooked on chat room. Unlike me,  he was a shy guy and a gutless lover.  Knowing his was looking  for special kind of friendship, I told him to read my blog that tells in detail,  how I grew up in Bal Mandir.

There was time I used to feel so uncomfortable to tell people, I grew up in Bal Mandir. Now, it's not that hard to tell them. In fact I like to see their reaction and read it in amusement. I really don't understand why some people think and behave  as if we are untouchables when they come to know that we grew up in children home. What it has to  do with who we are ? What it has to do with who they are ? why thier pride and prestige is so fragile that when we are in it, it makes the sound of shattering glass without falling any glass ? How come a man’s pride and prestige is so fragile ? if it's that fragile is it really a pride and prestiges ? Questions like this really makes me think  a lot.

Interestingly, this is not the first time I am rejected by a man knowing I grew up in Bal Mandir. Before also I have been. To be honest, if I tell you my ex-man’s name 99% of you don't even know him. No, not a chance to hear his name in future until you hear him from me saying I used to date this guy. If in case you know him, you must be his family member. He is not known widely in big circle, even to talk about pride and prestiges. As a matter of fact he is that guy who is so insecure and unconfident under that facade of a macho man. He feared that I will walk longer than him and will be liked by more people than he is known in the small circle. He is just not comfortable with that thought.  This one, you sure will grasp your breath how come the man of his stature and position could be interested in me. But, I told you he was drawn to my intelligence and it was hard for him that I could have such childhood.

Now a days, I am mentally prepared that the guy might change the course of his feelings for me, the moment he comes to know that I grew up in Bal Mandir. So, it's safe for me to tell him in the beginning rather than holding it for at the climax of relationship to break the news of my childhood tragedy. This gives me enough chance to watch his behaviour. How he will treat me with and withouot that knowledge.  In my case, both guys were decent enough not to break the relationship abruptly. But the decision was made once they came to know about me, that I  grew up in Bal Mandir.

In recent case the guy took about three years to pull him from me. It's natural may be, when we are grown and mature enough; we don't invest our emotions that fast as it's not easy to move on like  a teenager with a snap of a finger or a blink of an eye.

The interesting fact here is, I know he loves me and respects me truly. However a million dollar question is; can I wake up with the man, everyday; knowing he has problem accepting my past ? Is this normal when a person loves you so much but do not want to accept parts of your reality ? Is this love when someone makes you feel, uneasy and uncomfortable for the tragedy that happen in your live and you have to live with it ? why some one says I love you, and then goes in silent coma for so long. Why he is scared of that three words !

What kind of man goes in silent coma after uttering three magic words  ! if he really loves you, will he find a blanket to cover his feelings ? I guess, no. What if that blanket is named pride and prestige ? That sure is just a cover up to his feelings but not the truth. A lie you might want to believe thinking this is our society.

On top of that I am not the type who says let's get marry. Living together do not suit his high profile public life. What it has to do his high profile public life and my much hyped social life ?

I am also not the type who eye on a royal, aristocrat or a filthy rich for settlement in life. I have seen many women living with men who feel sorry for her, who feel pity for her, who show  sympathy for her yet he refuse her existence as another human being under a roof. I know I will never  feel comfortable in such situation. I never find a man to marry just to pick my bills or to be my security blanket or a free ticket to my daily meals. I am not that shallow to have him around for all those reasons.

Last year he deleted me from his facebook but we were still in touch as it was hard for both of us to break the contact abruptly, especially for me. Later on, he admitted his condition was also not so good after his decision to move in life devoid of me. After that I am haunted by a shadow image, a ghost of a loving man, who loved me so dearly in his absence. Having a shadow image of him at my service and not having the real man in my real life was one heck of a problem to face in life. At that time it was hard for me to compose myself. However, I consciously made a decision then whatever happens I do not want to end up in mental hospital. It's the hungry for attention mind that plays the reels, which I have no control of. Of course, it was painful reality to live-by to be loved by somebody who was not around in reality. But, I always made him read my feelings that made him cry many times.

He pulled himself all the time from me. Is that what you call being brave ? or being disciplined in life ? He remained silent most of the time.

Couple of days before Jerry requested me to kill that ghost saying, I am going to marry soon. My answer was Congratulations, I hope ghost will be vanished if the genie finds a lady by his side permanently. I am hoping I will not be haunted by the loving ghost once if he goes out to take the step. Everyone has his/her life to live the life as they define.

But, that ghost did not stop coming in my room to love, to hold me in his arms to kiss me and to make love with me. This time not just to love me but now he also talked. His few lines, I love you, I need you. Now this is more painful to hear that ghost talk like this when he said want to marry with someone else.  

Just then when I realised I was lying to myself thinking he loves me. I have to accept it that he doesn't love me that's why he wants to move on in life or cut the contact with me. This sure hurts. It's painful. Self denial is a lie, so it's more painful. If I accept it and decide to move on in life then truth sets me free. Holding on history is painful, moving on in future is freedom ! I learned it depends on me what I decide, remain hurt or choose freedom.

As for this guy I call Jerry, I still love him. Now, the difference is I have learned that I love me too. I remember long time back, I have decided to love me more than anyone can love me because I have no option. As there were no one to love me the way I could love me.

Did he wish to be born as a rich man's son before he died ?

Abraham Lincoln and J. F Kennedy is regarded one of the best leaders in the political history of America. Both  of them never met each other, nah did not even cross each other's road. One was born poor and another born with a silver spoon in his mouth. One was a son of a shoe maker and another was son of powerful businessman as well an influential man in politics. They were born about a 100 years apart, yeah 100 is that number that do have power to puzzle you, if you see the facts of reality in this two leaders life.  

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846. John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946. Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860. John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960. Both were particularly concerned with civil rights. Both their wives lost a child while living in the White House. Both Presidents were shot on a Friday. Both Presidents were shot in the head.

Now it takes the another height.

Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy. Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln. Both were assassinated by Southerners. Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson. Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808. Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908. John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839. Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939. Both assassins were known by their three names. Both names are composed of fifteen letters. Now hang on to your seat.

Lincoln was shot at the theater named "Ford." Kennedy was shot in a car called "Lincoln" made by "Ford." Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials. And here's the "kicker":

A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland. A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.

AND..................

Lincoln was shot in a theater and the assassin ran to a warehouse. Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and the assassin ran to a theater.

Blogger's note : I take no credit of compilation of this toughest task of going through the history  of America with such details. I have read this long time back when I was still in school. Recently,  when I saw this doing its round in Facebook I thought you sure would like to know how the history bounced back in 100 years in politics of America.  So, if original writer will request me to delete it from here I will have to respect that.

Conviction and Lost Logic

Do you know if someone lose one of the five senses, then; that lost sense will be added to one of the remaining four senses ? This means suppose if a person has lost his eyesight he will have double power either on smell, touch, feel or hear. That other sense could be anything. This will vary from person to person but there is no doubt that one of the remaining four senses will be highly enhanced. I had shared my knowledge of it to one of my friend after reading about it in a magazine. I am sure its Reader's Digest.  Her reaction was, you mean to say that the person will be brilliant now ? I said, no the lost sense do not make that person brilliant but one of the senses will be doubled.

She insisted that this means, it will make that person brilliant. I  tried again to tell her that the sense will be doubled and this is not same as being a brilliant overnight. She thought that it's the same thing; however and I did not say it to mean her that way nor  I see its the same thing.

There was a time, I was the most argumentative person on earth. So, I could not agree less with Dale Carnegie when he writes in his book, How to win friends and influence people, “I have come to the conclusion that there is only one way under high heaven to get the best of an argument and that is to avoid it. Avoid it as you would avoid rattlesnakes and earthquakes”.

When I was young, I had the habit of burying myself in books unlike most of the people who huddle in groups gossiping and socialising. I was never a social person nor I am today. In my youth, I tried to make my point clear, sure all in vain to other people. Because, I was not smart person, so I tried this approach for very long period of time. I mean not just a year or two; I tried this for decades. And then the time came, to keep my opinion with me and not try to make others see my point of view on many topics.

It's not that I have never ever heard of this particular book about, how to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie in the past but I have never read it before. How much I regret not reading it much earlier than today. But, we can't undo our lost times nor correct the mistakes we made in past.

When we were young my brother was very bright in study and active in extra curriculums. He used to take part in painting, singing, writing poems, essays and also took parts in debate. What more, he used to win all the first or second prizes after taking part in those competition. Debate was one of his strength, so winning too. I do remember taking part in a debate competition, when I was in 5th grade. It was purely his idea, I take part in this competition. My name was enrolled and when the day came and my name was called to put my point forward, I recited all the lines, that I had mugged which took me days. Let me tell you mugging was never my strength.  There could have been about hundred or so audiences. I delivered all my debating lines looking up all the time in ceiling of the room. Every time, I looked straight and tried to say lines;  I used to I forgot all the lines. Needless to tell you, that was first and last of my taking part in any debate competition.

I would like to say am more logical than the one who loves debating. My friends however, keep saying, you have this natural instinct to win, which I always deny; outright. I say to them, they too have all the chances to win but the only difference is I won't let anyone win by hook or crook. So, it is not surprising some of them, loved to hate me, as it appears everyone wants to win. Long story short, I badly needed to read this book decades ago.

After all these many years, when I read this book with a renewed knowledge not to win argument. However, I am still not keeping friends as I am opting a new tactic, saying to them let's agree, let's agree to disagree. After all these years my staying truth to the point has not changed, I would like to say once I am convinced I am convinced and I am not easy to change my opinion after than. I have learned that I will always  bump with those who has loud opinion, wide open mouth and empty knowledge of what they are talking about.

What is so interesting is my brother is so interested in debate and I am not half good as he is [ now this has transferred to his oldest son, who argues with me and avoiding it is not easy all the time]. In his youth he tried to convert me into Christian just like him. I suffocated hearing preaches in churches or reading some old bible from the very beginning. I decided not to be convert  without tangling with him in any kind of debate or argument. We never win when there is a topic on the table because he and I see from different angle. Nor I have any intention to win over him, however; he keeps blaming me you want to win it as you want.  Long time back, I have decided not to be open up for a debate especially if its a religion.  Be tolerant is what I have learned, I think I am intolerant towards those, who are not tolerant to my choice !

The Sculpture artist

Every time I see this sculpture, a volcano of thought erupts inside my head. And, why not ? It's a male private organ being fancied by a woman. Not just that, look at it, it's a huge and looks bigger than the woman who is dreaming about it. Soooo long and healthy piece ! So, that volcanic eruption of thought is not that unusual, well I guess ! They say our private parts has power to open all the senses at once and apart from all the senses, another must the brain - other than our five senses. Some say the rush of adrenaline. Whatever it is, this particular sculpture really has power to make me ponder long and hard.

Of all the thoughts, one thought goes like this. I think this artist must have come to visit Kathmandu and he was in the city he must have a simple wish to visit Pashupati. But, once he was in the place He must have been denied to enter gate of the Pashupati temple, for he not being a Hindu. His curious mind must have nagged him so much, why other religious believer are denied to enter in pashupati ? What for ? why they do not allow any camera[s] inside the temple premises ? What is there which needs to be hidden from many caste, creed and nationality ?

Now, we live in the age of internet. Some call it age of communications too, as we are bombarded with so much news and views that was never possible before. If you have a curious  mind, now all you have to do is to ask google. Like who, what, when, where and why. Once you ask those questions in Google’s page, you can find all the answers in a matter of seconds. agreed it takes time to read it all but the question is answered. In my mind I can see him digging in google and then finding what is inside the temple of Hindu believers. Before that there is no doubt that, this curious guy must have bought some books and miniature statues from outside the temple just to be sure what he learned from Google or the people around the temple.

Not surprisingly, then he must have thought what so fuss about that sturdy but minuscule yet artless private part of a man ? in his mind he must have got questions: what ; you worship that and keep it in temple ? then he must have remember the time when he was denied to enter in Pashupati just to have a look at that ugly penis of a man called Shiva, hindu regards him as god. Then he must have got another thought. Thought of a hurt man who felt humiliated for no reason whatsoever outside the temple gate. Then a flash of a dream was conceived in the head of this man, who just felt shattered within. Let me show you, my version of how it should look like, where it should be placed.

And then he went his country, started working on his idea as well as started talking to the city mayor for the place to keep his giant erotic sculptures. The people who he talked with saw point in this proposal and artistic skill. Now, see in the Jeju park of south Korea, we can see in open park what is kept inside the temples in Nepal. What should be ridden by many woman people worship that part of the body organ here in this country.

Now I get another thought, when this artist takes a stroll in the park and sees many women riding ‘it’ at a time without even being zealous of other one, he might get satisfaction in deep within. It's not necessary that he has to share his feelings  with anyone. Then at that time he feels no qualms in his heart to feel the bitterness of being denied to enter in Pashupati to see what he could place it in public places, where anyone can enter regardless of caste, creed and nationality. And yes they can carry camera with them.

Interestingly, every man on the planet earth has that small yet important body organ which need not be placed in temple to worship nor keep it secrets from other religious group.

Perhaps, it must be hidden inside the temple for its ugliness, artlessness and senseless idea that we need to worship such thing !