Prove them Wrong

 There are lucky bunch of people, who can say that, my dream came true and thanks to my family  and the loved ones, who were with me through all this.

To me that is the blessing to have. Those who believe you and support you to achieve your goal.

Its a pure blessing in true sense.

But not all the people are lucky and believed by the family and friends when they wanted to pursue their dreams.

Today, everyone knows Dolly parton is very famous country singer of America. During her school days, when she stood in her classroom and said she wanted to e a star one day, everybody in her class laughed and that laughter made her more determined to be a star, one day; more than ever. She just wanted to be star and prove the laughing crowd wrong.

I have a friend, who is a housewife and not college educated. The doubt of her other college going counterparts that she won't be able to send her two children to school and college is what fires her up. That is the reason she works so hard to earn money, so that she can  send her children to college. Today her son works in advertising agency as a graphic designer and her daughter has completed her ten plus two recently.  My friend is still not done yet, she is planning to send both of them to America or any country that will take them in, within five -six years. The odd against her, is the family of four had been living in one room apartment, for more than a decade.

She has so much fire burning in her belly to prove her close friends circle; who doubted her she can't make it. She wants to show them, she can do it. She just wants to prove those doubters and naysayers wrong, completely wrong. She is talking all kinds of back bending and eyes soaring works that brings money to her. She has been working so hard to see her dream come true.

Last year I was watching iconic bollywood legend Amitabh Bachchan, also fondly known as big B who was  invited in a talk show. The host asked him, “was there time, when media really was unfair to you ?”. “ Oh yes” he replied

“When ?”

When my movie Zanjeer was not doing that good in terms of box office and one journalist got this lines on the cover of a magazine “ his sun is setting” and “he is finished.” I kept that magazine on my table, hoping one day, I use this to disapprove the journalist. When he became a producer, he came to my house to do a project with me and he saw that magazine lying on my table. Not surprisingly he picked it up and said, “ you still have this ?” I told him, “this is my inspiration to disapprove you one day.”

Big B did some movie with the same journalist, when he was rising from the dust again in his life after a stint of his failure. The journalist name is Pritish Nandy.

There is one thing in common, in all of the above mentioned incidents. Sometimes, we do get fired up in life not because we're believed by the people in our life, but we do want to do things to prove the doubters and so called experts in their opinion wrong. In fact, by doing so they are doing us a favour, because without that doubt; we may not have found out, our true potential hidden in us. To tap that our inner strength, unless and until someone really force us to use that potential with their negative comments.

So you know what to do next time when you are doubted next time by so called expert in their opinion, just prove them wrong and make it your life time mission.

I am woman

By pure twist of fate, I find myself in the room full of seasoned writers, journalists, reporters and other intellectuals this Saturday's interaction program on Women Laureate and Criticism by them, that was organised jointly by Akshar Creations, a publication house and Readers Club, Nepal at the Nepal Tourism Board. Did I say writers ? Okay, let me correct it, there was a room full of women writers, and I am not; even a writer but a blogger.

I find myself in this new group, through a facebook group. First I found myself on the book launching event of “In search of self-Entity” back in February 2012 and again interaction program on ‘Women Laureate and Autobiography by them’ here in Nepal held by the same group on the last Saturday of July.

“In search of self-Entity” is a book published by akshar creations and it took Archana Thapa, the publisher, three years to compile the materials in a book from by all women writers.

What really gripped me in particular was, to have myself finding in these events that; not a single woman was nagging or complaining to any men for the reason, “we” lagging behind in our achievement in all aspects of life; yet was trying to find out the reasons; why we are not comfortable enough to come out from our comfort zone and write ?

One of the reason rose higher than others, being it our culture, where men are brought up in male dominated society or we are failing to understand that men are acting that way because they are trained that way. But to me its all the insecure mentality or inherent flaws that lies in men, they are using culture as a cover up and pure lame excuse only.

Do I [we] really have to blame men, if; I can’t achieve, what I want to achieve in my life ? or do I really need men to compete with me to know what is my true potential ? Are men the only  parameter for me to know my full potential ?

I don't think so.

Although, it was not intended on recent interaction event, one male participant raised the voice that, “women can write in the topic only when, she is nagging towards the male presence in her life, whether it be her husband, brother, father, son, uncle or you just name it.”

Of all the truth of our life is that for centuries, she has been used, abused, humiliated, insulted, ignored and what not; just to make her feel how insignificant she is an  unimportant her role is, in his life. Does she even has her own identity ? besides she being daughter, sister, wife,  daughter-in-law, and mother ? Does her thinking and opinion matters in her home a ? Can she even take the decision that matters in her life ?

When, women writers were trying to find answer of these questions, men jumped into the conclusion saying, that we are blaming them for the reason. This really surprised me, but I guess, I use the wrong words here; this should be read as ‘surmised me totally’.

How come male population in the room got offended; with the interaction, when female population were not even verbalizing it, forget about hinting at it, we are just  there to find answer to some perplexing questions, like the problem that lies in our society in our  culture. Could this be our culture ?

One reader asked in very offended tone,  “I have read this In Search of Self-entity, most of the time I felt fingers pointed at men, how come there is only one topic to cry for in women's writing and that one topic is invariably men ?”  Another man who was seated by my side was very vocal, it's only that he was using his kidney when thinking was needed to be done by brain. His behaviour made me frown, at the same time, it also amused me.

My personal opinion, for I not being interested to read books written in Nepali is; that it only speaks about tear, problem, struggle, frustration and poverty. What I am going to learn from reading this type of crap ? But Archana Thapa justified it in more convincing way, she is a freelance writer and publisher herself;  said it as a matter of factly : “ we collected this from different part of the country and from those staying in abroad also.  Women from all walks of life, ranging from fourteen years  to about sixty years. If you are reading only the tears that caused by men, then, maybe; this the time men look into the reality of the truth rather than feeling attacked.” She again conducted saying, “this is high time we look that matter differently than before”, it's kind of an eye opener for me, to dismiss  my own personal belief, “I hate tear jerking stories”.

But, more than that those offended tone, threatened reactions and intimidations; kind of gave me sense of pure joy and satisfaction. See we women had been ignoring all those reaction for centuries. I don't know why ?

You must have heard that saying, when we see snake your blood freeze but how many of you have heard that its snake also who is afraid of us. But, we are just too scared to notice it, that it is afraid  from me too. So, not surprisingly both come to an attach mood of defensive. However, I want you to remember this fact next time when you face snake, when  you are so afraid of snake, its eyesight it so very poor, it works on sound base not on its viewing capacity.

But, I see male counterparts are reacting in more defensive tone, pointing their fingers at us saying, “why are we blaming them for our miserable condition ?” Feeling threatened by our such interactions and feeling so insecure. But what have we said ? Have we even blamed them [in the interaction event] ?

I think this writeup will be so incomplete, if I don't mention here, this small psychological analysis of a bully. Every principal, counselor and coordinator around the world knows that, it's the bully; who is in trouble, not the victim. But, we do have tendencies to sympathise the victim, who gets bullied. The deeper study of the behaviour science have revealed the reality, that bully needs to be understood and then counselled to stop his bullying behaviour. It's the bully, that needs to be treated for the manifestation of the trouble, he /she is going  through in life; not the victim.

And every bully out there, knows this very well; that he/she could never enjoy bullying me. Not now, not then and not when I was in school. It's not just that I have a guts to see straight into the eyes of bully and they not being able to intimidate me. They are not the one to be afraid of, but needs to be understood fully.

I am a slow getter and a tube light, in so many ways. Suddenly, I felt that I get it now and therefore, I feel so good now, I don't even have to raise my voice to intimidate them. They always nag, saying, I am arrogant just because I am beautiful, although its not my primary or secondary thought. I am making them feel so insecure with my confidence to raise my voice. They felt unnecessarily threatened, because of my knowledge power.

And all the time, I have been reading it so wrong, they are trying to pull my leg; but hey ! its not true. Its only the tactics, to make me feel bad for all his weakness and false pride, which he loves to hide behind that tough looking guy, just like that bully; who is acting differently to hide his true problem.

Therefore, I would like to say to all of you boys and men, to take a deep pause to take a  look into yourself, then maybe you will understand it; is not I [woman] who is pointing finger at you; maybe you are reacting that way, for the flaw that lies within [you]. Because the greater the sense of guilt, the bigger is the reason to blame it on others.

I feel so good to say that, I am woman; bold and beautiful, sexy and confident. Oh ! yes most importantly; I am brainy too. Next time, when you want me to feel so insignificant and invisible in front of you, come up with better tactic. Because its my knowledge power which helps me to understand that, bullying is a psychological disorder which can be treated.

How come she got paid that high ?

Recently, Mariah Carey made the headlines with being the highest paid ever judge of the American Idol. US magazine was told by the insider, “ Mariah is getting paid $18 million with a year option to do a Idol, making her the highest paid judge on any music competition show”.

Fox news quoted her as saying, “ I am so excited to be joining American Idol. This kind of all just happened really quickly.”

American Idol creator and executive producer of the show, Simon Fuller remarked “we are proud to have one of the worlds greatest-ever female singer join in our show”.

Beginning of the month July Steven Tyler and Jennifer Lopez said that they were leaving American Idol, after two years as Judges. This show has given Jenifer Lopez a boost in her album sales and her popularity in the market also. She is very well known for getting the higher pay for whatever she does. But then how come it's Mariah Carey, who got paid higher than her ?

The news surfaces later on that, it was her husband, Nick Cannan who was tossing outrageous salary figures to the show executives, purely because he never wanted her to take that job. Carey’s husband, Nick happens to be the host of the America’s Got Talent. so he never wanted her to take that offer. Besides its his wish that Carey play a stay-at-home mother to their twins, at least until they turn five. When Carey said ‘yes’ to be the judge, it seems that she  also said ‘no’ to his wish to take the back seat in her life.

Accordingly the american tabloid National Enquirer, Nick was dangling incentives - diamonds jewellery, a luxurious spa vacation, even  promising to pay her a one time gift of $ 15 million for saying ‘No’.  

Is this just that Nick happens to be the rival show of the Idol or its that its not tolerable to him that his wife make a lot more money than him and that is not secret any more ?

But, to bring her star power to the show and to be the direct competitors of the rival show like The X Factor and America’s Got Talent, show's executive just picked up the outrageous salary also that was tossed on them.

and now the rumor is there that, their marriage is on the rocks.

Why men can't take this fact easily that their wife make more money than him, and they are more famous  and capable than them ? what it has to do with the relationship of heart ?

But it seems that it has everything to do in all relationship.

Corporate house cash it, when an individual rise

People around the world in the corporate sector knows, whenever a person rise from any field it's the corporate house who cash first it. In fact, its the win win situation for both. If one of these don’t join hands to benefit from each other both sides is at the loss of making money. Its not more important, who rise from which sector, there are all kind of people and all kind of corporate sectors, who can benefit from those sudden rise of a individual. Some of the example are given below, how a corporate houses benefited from those rise. When we say big names in brand value all kind of names comes flying in our mind like Tiger Woods, Kate Moss, Mr. Bachhan, Sachin Tandulker, Shahrukh Khan, Hari Bansha Madan Krishna’s name come so easily in our mind.


Writer :

J.K Rowling is a writer and is in creative line. Her book Harry Potter made her famous like anything around the world. This series of book may have made her a billionaire and richer than the queen of England but more importantly, it made more money to Warner Brothers through its movie franchise. This is one book, which outsold all earlier record holder books sold in worldwide. This book made a young actor like Daniel Radcliffe and Emma Watson the richest actor, around the world. Daniel Radcliffe was on the forbes list of rich actor too. In total this movie franchise made more than 7 billion in about 10 years.

Sports :

Tiger woods is one world famous name in the sport world, and is a child prodigy in golf. No one has ever won that many PGA in one’s life as much as he has won. Before his fall, he is the only person in the world, who used to make a billion dollar annually, only through indorsement, but his name and bankability help made Nike sell more sports gear than any other of its brand ambassador. No wonder Nike remained his loyal client, even though, all other corporate houses pulled their name, when he was deep into murky water of his career. Corporate houses only wants to make money from the big name but don’t want to lose a penny on some star when they are on the fall.

When Mahendra Singh Dhoni was rising, he helped save huge money to corporate houses who were paying hefty sum to Sachin or other big star of that time. It was not that the big stars were falling, it’s just that the new was rising, so it helped corporate house to chose from the rising one rather than sticking with the old and pricey stars. Its more beneficial for corporate houses to pick up the rising one when the star or actor is just rising.

Movie stars

New rising star help save huge sum to corporate houses, compared to sticking with old and established ones. Just when Sonam was rising, she was scooped by the cosmetic giant L’oreal to promote their products. She being the young and classic face of beauty and rising bollywood star,  has a huge fan following around the world not only in India. Although Aishwarya was the international face of India, Sonam did manage to garner huge new generation due to her good sense of taste in fashion. What L'oreal taught us is that it was loyal enough to keep the old brand ambassador of some of its products while getting new face for the other products at the same time.

Comedians

To aware the social message in mass public, in any society, comedians has always been very instrumental, as the public are very receptive of what comedians say and how they say it. With their good comic timing, they make is more audience friendly and then they become the good brand ambassador of any brand they get associate. In our country's case the Comedian duo Madan K. Shrestha and Hari B. Acharya had been in demand for long time than any other sectors brand ambassador could have done in terms of accumulated years.

It seems that there are are long term and short term benefit, but both has its own pros and cons. but the bigger point is when a person rise from any sector its the corporate house that cash it.

When sex is not the language of love

Physical relationship is inevitable in any adult relationship, if they are attracted to the opposite sex. If one is having an affair, sex is a pure expression of love. In fact, sex, is an honest expression of one's feeling; that adult express their feelings with their partner. When they fall in love, to show how much they love each other.  But to some it's just an act, adult do; to time pass, with their partner and to them it has nothing and nothing to do anything this is called love.

But to a young policeman, Shekhar, when he engaged with a woman physically for the first time, it was love and he wanted to marry Charulata, who was married and have two children. Besides, she was 10 years older than he too. But this being his first affair with intimate involvement, it was not just sex but the pure expression of his feelings for Charu. She had accepted it with, by submitting him, whenever he needed her [or she needed him] for the physical relationship. After some time like that, he started asking her to marry him. By saying so, he wanted her to leave her husband first, so that she can marry him.

But, to Charulata, she being a married woman, for her, sex is just an act, to fill avoidance of its existence in her married life. When Shekhar tried to reason with her saying “I love you, not just your body, so I want to marry you”, all his feelings meant nothing to her. She was just hungry for physical needs.  She used to deny bluntly for his marriage proposals.

When he realized all his request to marry with him, is falling on deaf ear, he felt denied and rejected. He felt being used for her need. Shekhar was a young police constable in armed police force. One day, he left his office with his gun, high powered gun; without any information to his office and went to Charu’s home to convince her, last time to marry with him. It was the 6:00 am in the morning and bit early for anyone to enter the house. This time he had no option but to ask it, in front of her husband and mother-in-law.  When Charu again denied to marry with him, saying she is already married, he took all of them to the nearby small forest and shoot them all. Charu, her husband and mother-in-law, killing all three on the spot. It was not his intention to kill the other two but Divendu and the mother-in-law also trying to convince him, “how can you ask to marry, a married woman with you ?”

To him good sex with her meant, full acceptance by this grown woman, who was 10 years older than him. But to Charu, It was just the sex and it was not the language of love.

Normally, our society has taught us to blame men for using woman just for a pleasure ride or for taking easily available. But this incident tells us, sex does  speak the language of love to them  and denial of it could be very fatal, just like above incident. Oh, yes I agree fully with you; not all the case end up like this. Men being the emotionally constipated creature, just block themselves up. Yeah, sometimes they use such words to the women, you just want to use your music phone on your ear  so high that you wontt hear, all those filthy words that is being targeted at all women. When they curse like that, they cover all the women on earth; not just the one who cheated them and devasted them.

And do you know what happens, when men use women for pleasure ride and sex is just power sex but not the language of love ? She ends up becoming the single mother.

Note : This incident is based on real life crime report, which happened in Indian city Kolkatta about a little more than a year  ago.

Where is the money ?

In recent months I am so addicted to watch crime show on Indian channel, all based on real life story. There is so much crime that goes on in everyday in India. But it is more interesting and amazing to see and watch the real reason behind those crimes.

Money is one of the major reasons, most crime do take place in this world and people are ready to kill anyone who gives them money. The killer don’t even know the name, who is he [ they are ] going to kill. All they are concerned about is, how much money they are getting for the killing. Yet, they are ready to kill anyone. Of course the rate varies from person to person and as per their financial condition or how desperately one wants other to be gone.

It was not easy to judge a mother, who hired to kill her own son, because he was too addicted to alcohol; she could not help, watching him dying slowly. So she gave just about Rs. 10,000 to kill him. It sure shocked, even her husband and father of his son to know who killed his own son. She ended up in jail.

It was also hard to judge a wife of a drunkard, who was spending time and money at the brothels, almost all the money, which he acquired from the sale of their ancestral. The wife wanted to save money for the education of her two children and her daughter's marriage. But her husband and the father of her two children, was not paying any attention, to this fact and was busy blowing money on his lust and drinking more. Then one day, when she had enough of his this kind of behaviour;  she spent about Rs. 20,000 to get two men to kill her own husband. She too ended up in Jail.

And then there was a man who himself was a police constable. Oh, yes I need to tell you this now, that at that time he was suspended from his work; when he hired one of his trusted man to kill his own wife. He was very abusive and used to torture her too much, and there was a  police complaint also, against him from her wife some years back. His trusted man did manage to hire some other people to hide the involvement in this case, so that the person involved in this case, name will never come out, if something does not work out.

So that mock up accident took place to kill his wife and when he saw his dying wife all covered in bandage lying in the hospital bed, it just broke his heart. Then he realised, what kind of mistake he has made. Then all he wanted to do is to save his wife. He was ready to pay any amount of money to save her, even more than what he paid for to kill her; which he did manage to get from his sources. But one day his own colleagues came in  hospital to get him and put him behind the bar. His 10 year old son knows, that it was his father who tried to kill his mother.

There was this family, again in India who left his wife and two sons for another woman. He did not have a child from his new partner. The big son grew up hating his father for leaving them for another woman but he still loved the property his father owned. Not surprisingly, one day, he used hired people to kill his father and his life partner using snake to kill them; so that it look like an accident, and his involvement will never come out in light. He too ended up in Jail.

But most of all what shocked me was to watch this guy, who was having serious financial drought in his business. He wanted to do something for his family before he die. He bought seven companies insurance policy papers, just before he plotted his own murder. He wanted to die in car accident, so that his family can claim the policy; but his repeated attempt failed. Having no other option, he dragged his best friend to do the deadly act, to kill him. He had persuaded his best friends to kill him, who very unwilling did the task. His combined insurance policy worth was 10.5 million. But this sly guy made a blunder in his fraud plan. He did not declare any other insurance company’s buyings about the other company policy paper.  Police could not sort this case, so it went to the Crime Division, after four month of this so called murder. When his family member went to insurance company to claim their policy, all seven went to court, saying this is a fraud case. So his family could not get a penny out of it. People do plot their own murder for money is hard to swallow, but its true case that happened in India.

So where is the money ? Money is in crime business. A recent survey done by UN, shows that the crime is among the top 20 economies in the worlds and it makes trillions of dollars annually. To be precise 2.1 trillion dollar, which Yuri Fedotov a head of the office on the drug and crime said  is equivalent  to nearly seven percent of the global economy.

According the UN report of those crime money, 2.4 million people may be victims of human trafficking worldwide at any given time. Human trafficking is a shameful crime of modern day slavery. Corruption is another concern of this report, as per this report, it estimates   40 billion dollar annually lost through corruption in the developing countries.

However the UN Report shows the other sources ,that make more money than killing your own family members. As per this report smuggling of counterfeit goods, firearms, drugs, human trafficking and even wildlife to amass their illicit profit.

The other Woman

Recently, I have been watching this one particular Indian TV serial, family drama. Its definitely not my type but still I have been watching this for couple of weeks now. How a happily married husband gets involved with another woman and how they get divorced and how the man moves on to live with the other woman.

At one side, there was a twelve years of marriage and three children and at the other side six months of affairs with other woman and then the divorce leads. But as a divorce conditions this indian housewife plays her best card to leave her husband with her three children’s custody with the other woman. It was her last attempt to get the bastard back in her life. Opps ! sorry for calling him ‘Bastard’, to get her husband back, in her life. In the meanwhile, she choose to stay next door as neighbour, just incase her children might need her.

In general, in our culture, it's been injected in our head, that the other woman is always bad or lets say projected her as a bad woman. When the man involved in all this is not. Why ? Even if, the husband is the one who choose the other woman; its the wife, who blames the other woman. Why ? Is not this is too much of discrimination ?

But for me more than that, where is the dignity of a woman ? to accept that its her husband, who got involved in, with the other woman. Why that woman was blamed for being bad ? and considered being the one who pulled her meek, innocent and obedient husband towards her.

The other day, I was watching another reality based crime show on TV. But it had very sad ending unlike above story, living with denial.

Husband got involved with other woman, who was her staff at the factory. He was rich and she was poor, widow and mother of two young boys.

One day, the wife came to know about this relationship and then she confronted her husband, giving him the ultimatum to leave her or else. But as in this kind of relationship happens, “ok, I will end this relationship from now onwards” “No, there is no such relationship, between us” or “you are just paranoid about this fictitious relationship with her”. But the doubt after that, never seems to end in wife’s mind.

And in fact, at times some men do juggle two woman at the same time but wife’s intuition really serves her the best. Specially, when he is having an affair with the other woman. In this case also the rich man’s wife went to the other woman's house to sort the case from her side, if her husband is not ending this. When she confronts her, the other woman bluntly refused to give up the relationship with her husband, saying her husband now loves her; not you, and we are soon going to marry.

At this point the wife betrayed and rejected shouts at the other woman that, “you are prostitute” and ‘the kind of relation you are having with my husband makes you plain ‘slut’. Personally to me, this kind of verbal war is more likely to cool the wife’s hurt ego rather than to damage the other woman’s image.

Why wives think that the intimate relation, they have with their husband is as pure as worship but the same relation or lets say the ‘act’ with other women, make sex sound so bad and filthy work ? Who is lying to whom ? Who is indignant in all this ? This kind of reaction from wives is; nothing more than the denial of truth.

After that first confrontation, one day, the rich man’s wife calls the other woman at her home to sort out the issue for once and final. Seeing how poorly she was living and presuming how needy she could be [of the money of her husband]; she throws the wads of notes at her saying, “this is what you need and it’s much more than you can make in all your life, I hope this much should be enough to leave my husband.”

At this point, I must add here one fact. Of course, the other woman occasionally used to ask money with his new man, which he always gave willingly as and when she needed and asked for it. This widow had two sons to raise all by herself and her meager salary was not enough to meet ends meet. But when she was offered money to leave her husband, she plainly refused to take the money, specially when it came with a condition to leave her new man, of course the irony of the truth is, that it was the other lady’s husband, she was refusing to leave. This relationship was going on for so many years.

To the wife this was just too much to hear from the other woman, and also see the confidence in her voice that, “he [your husband] loves me more than you, and soon we are going to marry. He is not someone, that I can trade for money as you think.” Confidence in her voice and poise just, broke the wife from within. It shattered her believe in her husband and in all that rejection, betrayal and reality bite of life she lost all her conscience. In that rejected, hurt and disgust condition of her mind, she thrashed the other woman; who was bit frail compared to her. The wife was strong enough to overpower her and smother her to suffocate and then before her anger really cools off, she finds out the other woman is dead. Her only daughter was at her home at that time but about to leave for school, so she could hide it from her and also from her husband of her heinous and murderous act.

When police was trying to find clues and interrogating everyone, including the man involved here, all the clue leads them to wife. No doubt, when police has already collected all the information against her then only; seeing nowhere to hide, she admits killing the other woman.

As I see all this drama going on my TV set. I was watching the man who just could not believe what her wife had done. It was the man who was involved in the extramarital affairs but it was his wife, who ends up in jail and the other woman was killed. There are times you just camt judge some men like this one in this case for having and maintaining two relationship at the same time. and some woman like his wife who makes this so easy to judge her and then her act afterwards. If only the wife could have accepted the situation just like that, she could not have ended up in jail. If only the man could give name to the relation he was having with other woman would have saved the dead woman. He simply could not leave his wife, just because, she was the mother of his child.

Why women [wives] just can’t accept that her husband, who loved her and only her for decades; now loves one more woman, why deny the truth and face the reality with dignity and move on in live. Blaming other woman is not going to solve the problem and the situation is not going to get any better.

Is blaming other woman and trying to get her out of sight really make your husband only yours ? is denial of truth is the only solution to all this problem or accepting it with dignity and moving in life as it comes ?

Sometimes, blaming all to other woman has other side of the story to tell. Its mainly because, the wife has no life of herself other than, that she is too much dependant to her husband for all her needs, I mean financially than emotionally. Using children as a trap to keep the husband, is oh, just too much to lie to herself that to any one.

Judging the man’s move is also not going to solve the issue here. I guess wives needs to accept the fact and move on in life. Know your self-respect and then dignify yourself and accept the truth as it cames.

There is another solution also to this : be willing to share him rather than involving in kind of criminal act and then ending up in jail, damaging so many lives while doing so.