Why Nepali TV airs political news base programme only ?

Recently, I have been making it kind of my duty to keep eye on what kind of program that gets aired in our channels. I should have known this well than others, why Nepali channels are not airing any programs that shape our society.

Most of the talk show on all channels mainly focus on politics, politicians and political condition of our country. As if, other than that, there is nothing happening in this country. And it actually should not surprise me then, frustrating condition of the politics and political situation in this country; is what spoiling the overall mood of the general mass of this country. More than that, most of the time people sound so defeated and see no better future here in this country. The question is; why people are so frustrated at this extent ? Why state is not taking any steps, to help the people of this country ? Who should and who can change this situation ? Who is responsible, when we have only news based programmes and no other drama, musical programs or talent shows that helps to rise and flourish the creative industry. Even more, why there is no such program that helps to shape the society to reform our it for better future ? which ultimately uplift the socio economic condition of the society also. Is preaching by religious leaders, in every morning on most of the channels is only solution for this ?

The major TV channels like NTV, which is state owned KTV  and Image channels and News 24 and other news channels which is privately owned; also airs only news that run more than 12 times a day. Keep in mind, none of the countries channels run for 24 hours. Other programs which is drama based, do not have enough viewers or they watch all the foreign channels for Gods sake ! Is my country is the only one who is facing this problem ? Do not Indian channel has to face cut throat competitions with the loads of channels that is in sky for better program, which pulls more viewers to its particular program ?

You might want to give me the name of some of the programs which has been on air since long. But Tito Satya, Jire Khursani and Gharbeti Baa has been entertaining the mass with cheap satire on the social or political situation of the society but do not reform the society. Instead these very kind of program may have taught the public to talk back to their parents with less respect as the child in Toto Satya used to talk back with so blunt way showing no respect at all to his parents until couple of years ago. Mundre[ Jeetu] is also not very famous for showing respect to his parents or his relatives. Its different they think, its comedy or fun to do so. Popular TV program like this have so much power to change the mass thinking alike. lets even not talk about the other chepa satire drama on NTV or even other channels.

TV plays a huge role to shape the mind of people, to change their social behaviour yet its really been long that good program do not get aired on our Television channels, why ?  I once worked in a media house to market and sale the national television’s programs to corporate houses and advertising agencies, so I know some inside story here.

Its not that our country lack so the talent or has the shortage of skilled actors, or director producers or the writers. Its, multinational company like Unilever and Dabar who want to pay their rate for the program not the rate that cost to make the programs and other national corporate houses to be blamed for this ? What do they care about the better society of our country ? And why they even care, when we are not caring for it ?

Its so happened, at a time for a long time, when Maobadi was determined to push the country back to the stone age and destroying everything across the country to pull the attention from national and international societies in the name of peoples war. They were also extorting corporate houses, to feed their so called soldiers. People were so focused only on news and corporate houses started pouring their money mainly on news as corporate houses only cares to sell their goods to the viewers, they do not care much about the society  or better society; for better tomorrow.

 Regardless of country ‘s political or economic condition all they want to do is to sell their products, now, but never prepare our public to buy new products which is made in Nepal, expensive and  is of export quality. All audience are potential buyers of their products now but there is no  better society tomorrow in corporate houses angel. Just sell what sells here and go to other placed to sell what they will buy. therefore its a country or its government who really  has to take the stern steps to make our society.

Creative industry needs to prosper in any country; as it creates money and becomes the  reason to flow money in the market. For example : I have been watching Australian Master Chef for some time now.  It seems that this show alone helped Australians to spend more money on food and prosper food industries. But at the same time its also helping to prosper the cookbooks, cookbook writers, demand of good chefs in the restaurants, sell of Kitchen wares, creating good food critics for more magazines or papers, and this show also giving the good chefs to many lifestyle channels. It seems that the show alone, has been helping the country to role millions of dollar in the market, in so many ways.

If any business helps to flow the money in the market, the economic keeps rolling in the particular country and situation gets better. Its a win win situation for the creative industry as well as for a country.

I have seen our creative industry, movies, television programs, writers with vision has been under shadowed due to the over priority given to politics and politicians. Politics takes money from businessmen, government and also from public. Politics do not help roll money in the market, other than the blocking it to roll, unlike other business. In show business it somewhat creates a notion that, money is a concept not a real thing and so that it fuels the idea that money can be created. But for that people really have to be very creative. and have to have a vision to shape our society to get it better.

Manufacturing industry of our country has to invest money in good program instead of bargaining for dirt cheap rate all the time and killing this money making industry. Corporate houses, Advertising agencies and brand managers  has to stop comparing our local programs to international class programs. In other country corporate houses picks up the huge production bills, that will help them to pay well to the star cast, so that they can make a good program. Such quality programs can not be made with mere investment of under 50,000/- budget per week to compare with Indian or international quality programs. I am sure, you must have heard the term, if you throw peanuts, you can only attract monkeys. That's why even my country sits in-between the two emerging economic giants on earth which of course is, China and India; who have been spending hell on travelling budget, yet we have not been able to gain it, not even 5% of their good spending habit.

If we do not focus on making good program on our channels, it will be even more sad condition for our country, for its economic and socio-economic condition in the years to come. There should be less news, that focus only on politics and politicians, for our society to prosper. Corporate houses has to be more serious and realistic to invest for long term programs, instead of short term investment to better our society. Forget multinational companies here in this matter; as they least care for the betterment of our society because if they see no one is buying their product, they will move on to other place, where they will find their clients. But you and I have to  live in this society, for good or bad.

12,000/- per minute a programs is the main reason of deteriorating condition of our creative industries on Television. I have not heard one corporate house here who says make it and I will buy it. Corporate houses, Advertising agencies and brand managers are; all the slave of TRP ratings. They are not the visionary who foresees the better tomorrow. Should this surprise me now, why we are not making any good programs yet ? But then why the channel bosses are not having any vision for our society; except that warms their pockets ?

• Indian movie industry is estimated to have been a billion dollar industry.
• A good quality program by Ekta Kapoor cost 15 corod a year to make in India and here we spend only under 50,000 per week.
• 100 crore movie club is now new buzz in the indian movie industry which create money in matter months and manufacturing industries have to work all year long to make that much money.
• It is said that Tare Jamin par [ stars on earth ] made more than 200 crore in the box office.
• Such movie tell us the fact that money can be created and with a brilliant idea it can be created
  
  

Criminals are created

It may be that I am too concern about the things that is happening around me. It does not have to be always in my vicinity, just in bigger society and trying to understand everything that goes in this world. For that very reason I have been watching Crime Patrol for more than a year and now I am addicted of this program. this is one good program which teach us without being too preachy. When I am trying to understand, what is sin ? and who decides or tell us what makes an act a sinful act ? I thought killing people is one of the biggest sin, but when I came to learn the real reason behind the actual murder; its not so easy to judge this act, which terminates the live of a human being; is also not one of the biggest sin. Of course it always has two sides of a story to tell but not always.

In this reality TV program, some hindu priest claims that being lower caste is non religious [adharma], going to temple by ‘untouchables’ is equal to sin. Really ? What kind of religious belief is that but here I am not going to talk about the what is sin or something that, makes some at a religious or not.  what force a person to commit crime ? are they born bad, raise in bad environment ? were illiterate ? who commit crime ? what is the reason behind the crime that keep happening in our society that is also around the worlds.

You are too young to fall in love : Priya Rajput was normal teenagers like any other girl and was still studying in school. Just one slight difference, she was in love; head over heels with a boy who lived in same village. The old generations of that village were against this kind of ‘behaviour’ in their village and that small natural act of hers, was regarded as bad act and childish behaviour. She was beaten, slapped and then, when still she refused to obey her parents; she was sent to stay in one of her uncles home, hoping, out of sight and out of mind case will apply in her life.  The teenage girl who fell in love with a boy in her village was barred to stay connected  with him and kept in one of her uncles home, killed her aunt when no one was in the house and then went to meet her boyfriend. later police arrested her and sent her to juvenile home, as she was just sixteen when she committed the murder.

If only, the family members would have understood the falling in love is natural than losing a family member well ahead of her time. This could have been avoided. If a society treats a normal behaviour as an abnormal act then this things are bound to happen in due course of time.

You are my wife But : It was Amina’s idea and her close friend, who killed the wife of her husband for denying her status, position and child, she thought, she too should have as a wife. She was not aware of the man’s first marriage, when she was married to a man to whom she called Khan Sab. He kept both of wives in dark about his second marriage and from first wife he had  two children too. The wives first met each other when he was hospitalised one day and Amina’s friend saw him there. The man thought, he was keeping both of his wives happy but the reality was so chilling and when he came to know about it he just could not believe. This man treated his wives as if they have no say in their life and he also could not leave one of them but the 2nd wife who wanted all the things that a married woman desires was denied of.

If only he could have treated them with so much respect, he would not have lived to see one of his wife dead and another going to jail.

You are poor and young : Puja a seventeen year old slum dweller, in a mumbai who used to work in a ladies trailer was only breadwinner in her family, when her father left for delhi with his son. At that tender age, she had to take care of her sick and ailing mother and she also had a sister who was studying in ninth grade dreaming to become a doctor. with her meagre it was not easy for her to support  three member of the family so she needed to make Rasan Card, that card would have allowed her to get the groceries at subsidised rate in her area’s grocery store. She needed to make one, but there was problem to get that card fixed, with her old rasan card, which included her fathers name too. In her quest to fix the rasan card, she landed in the office of a local political party leaders office, who could have helped her to make that card.

But the situation turn out bit ugly way. He started abusing her for his lust and she just meekly submitted herself in a hope that, one day this middle aged man will help her to get the new rasan card. Six months pass by but this Mangesh Kadam, a rising political leader was not making her any rasan card and she needed one desperately. Every time he called, she went to see him, and she just did whatever, he wanted her to do. But, one day when Mangesh Kadam wanted Puja to being her fourteen year old sister for his lust. It just pulled the wire off from her brain, and proved to be the last nail on the coffin. She just could not focus on her work.

Needless to tell, she shared the whole incident to her brother like employers. This segment of class think that, even if they go to police to complain about such case;  police won't help them. So they themself made a plan and one day when Mangesh Kadam wanted to  see the girl, Puja took her to see him, but along with her, she went to see him, with her brothers like two employer too.

The two men went to see the political leader with the alcohol, just before Puja entered in his office on that Sunday. When he shamelessly took Gita in his room and told Puja to stay out of his office; she opened the outside door and then let the two men enter the office again and then they killed Mangesh by slitting his throat.

A powerful leader was killed by the poorest and the exploited group of the society. He was killed for his lust and abuse of power. He had the chance to avoid his death.

All the above cases tells us, very clearly that criminals are created by our society and in many cased from the family members and their stern believe in certain issued they do not or can not bend over. They are not born bad, or raised bad but They are treated so poorly, which in due course of time exploded to the kind of situation, nobody would like to to take  its responsibility. If only we try to understand it, long  before it happens then our society will better place to live.

He needs your help

Plain Jane,  is a reality TV program on TLC. Being a hardcore realistic person, I seem to be  sticking with reality base programs only on TV, of course, with few exception. This programs grooms girls above twenty to under thirty, who have been in relationship for some time but they could never muster it to those with whom they were in relation. they could never take it to another level even though some of them were best friends since college.

Its not that these girls are not smart, educated and beautiful but they just lack that confidence to admit it to the man of their life. May be, its presumed that this is the work of a man. Louise Roe, the program host ask only 48 hours with these girls and after a first meed, she just picks up her phone to dial the guy to fix a blind date in just 48 hours.

She then starts working with girls starting with their worst fear and conquering it  by any means possible. Some did skydiving, some did pulled the bill of a 1000 dollar from the 100 snail filled in a vase and some picking up the bill from the shark aquarium and some boxing their fear out. But more than that the girls has to gain the confidence to face the guy, who was in her life for long time, she liked him loves him yet have nt confidence to admit it in front of him. Fearing the rejection and some never wanted to lost the best friends if she shares her inner feeling with him. you know how girls are when it comes to cockroaches and the slippery snails

The background of the story is of course, based in America and thats why its makes it so interesting to watch it as its regarded the very advanced country to put their feelings it words.

Once they face the fear, then they have to go through the dress up sense and then some makes up tips to get the attention of the guy.

It was shocking to find out at the end of the show that almost every guys felt the same way as the girls but was afraid of rejection, so they never propose the girl of her life.

A study reveals that ninety percent men are afraid of rejection, so they never propose. ninety percent huh ! It does not surprise me then, there is this notion that tells, women are smarter; when it comes to emotional intelligence and they have this knack of reading feelings about all the emotions. She may be slow to get so many other things, that is under the sun; but she is the mother of all emotions, because she is the one who invented most of it.

A recent survey done and complete follow up in every six month of their marriage from the beginning for about fours years by the psychiatrist of University of California reveals that, if she has a doubt about her marriage, which may not work, then she should listen to her instinct; because the divorce is sure on the way; compared to men who has the same doubt. It also mean that she can hold it, I mean a home or a family, if she wants to and things will fall apart, if she is distracted to keep it together.

So next time when you know you like the guy and your instinct tells you that he too likes you then you know what to do.  Because behind that cool and macho man there lies the very insecure man who lack the self confidence especially when smart, beautiful and intelligent girl like you is around him to make him feel more nervous. So, take the matter in your hand. The chances of being rejection is just ten percent, and thats what makes it so interesting.

Here at this moment, I remember this line from a movie, my big fat greek wedding, “men are head and women are neck, without neck head can not nod”.

Who won ?

 As a growing up teenager, I always wanted to be a psychologist and was thinking of taking this subject in my college also. But this plan came to an abrupt halt, when I found out that the only college here in Nepal offers this course, and which needed me to wear dhoti as a college dress. That information instantly forced me to change my subject in college.

My fascination with this subject had grown, because I grew up in a big mass, as I grew up in Bal Mandir. The huge mass around me never left me later in my life also. My first job, well almost, was in a five star hotel. When I joined The Everest Hotel  in 1996, there were more than 700 people. In Casino, which had leased one of the biggest conference hall of the hotel then, had hired almost the same number of staff as of hotel.

Having grown up in a huge crowd and getting chance to work in even bigger number of people, has an impact in my mind. I read people. No, not the words coming out from their mouth, I mean I read body language more than language used by them.

It sure covers every details of gesture and posture including the color of dress, makeup and scent used by the person. Because the spoken words alone, make no complete sense; unless its matched with body language.

It may be too much for some people, but maybe my subconscious mind is trained that way as I grew up in big mass. Therefore, I scan it all in three seconds to get my information. Many times said words, do not have to do anything with what the body language is saying. Some are expert in hiding it, but not all are trained to do so wisely.

My time in Bal Mandir have thrown me in the mass of raw and crude language, both in  terms of language and body language, but my time in hotel needed me to deal with more sophisticated and educated people, from good family background. They knew how to hide or tackle the emotions when needed.

So, when I posted the picture of Kali and Mahadev on my facebook with a joke, “hey kali, you are you wearing your underwear”, invited loads of comments around the world from Nepali community. Some of my loyal and intellect reader did not like this post. However, this is the only post, which has been liked and shared by most people. This is also the only post which defied the normal rule of getting hit within 24 hours, which surprised me.

Of course, some of them hailed me, for my audacity to joke on [our] God/Goddess. But some also came forward to support me, saying that we should be more tolerant on this kind of joke, as long as we are not mocking our god/goddess or religion.  

Honestly speaking, I thought; this post could have seen me dragged to the police station.

When I responded some of the comments hinting, its a joke that make full sense reading by what is on the picture. This in fact, is the good example of how men treat women under any circumstances and even when ‘he’ is under her feet, this raged some of my male readers.

On this picture, Mahadev is lying on his back and Kali is stepping on him. But, that is not all I see here. Watch carefully, when somebody does this kind of audacious act, it should give a sense of pride. Her pulled tongue out from her mouth, falls on body language. This is the language of embarrassment not the sense of pride. Then, why her long tongue is out from her mouth ? Where is that sense of pride and confidence gone ?

Her next to impossible way pulled tongue out from her mouth, keeps nagging me everytime I see this picture. I can't help but wonder, is this the artist’s interpretation; about seeing the situation ? Why she has been depicted that way in the picture ? Why she is wearing such accessories and holding high blood stained weapon ? When she is so gutsy, to nab a person like Mahadev for his provocative behaviour, does she has to wear garland made by human skull ? Was she accessorised intentionally to diminish the true feel on her face for her achievement ? Her short skirt tells me that, she could not have chosen the kind of accessories, she is wearing.

Here, no one can disagree with me, when I say, her long tongue out, sure is not the language of anger or sense of pride.  

When she can bring down Mahadev on the floor and stand on top of him, then why the confidence and the sense of pride can not be seen the picture ? Why that embarrassed expression ? This is something very unusual language to use for someone, who is so bold like Kali, who in Hindu religion is worshiped as the ‘lady with power’.

Then again the perplexing question is, why she let her tongue out ?

Is this the artist, who could have twisted the language, or it is actually Mahadev; who had  guts to say that joke, that too, from under her feet, which forced her to give that reaction. In fact, the picture seem to be saying, “you pervert, I am wearing the one, that is of my skin color and you remain like that until you see the difference.”

What really hammers my brain in all this is, Hindu religion worships both equally and why I am seeing only a battle of sex, here in this picture ?

However, what can not be ignored is, what women need to know seeing this picture is, this really tells a lot about, not just the power of women, but it clearly speaks highly of men’s mentality. How he can make you feel, even if; he is under your feet, therefore that long tongue out from her mouth. So, its upto you to get the message. What is said and what is not said yet, you better know your true strength and feel it and act accordingly.

Do you really have to be psychologist to read the body language ?

Why our media persons lack ethics and vision ?

More I surf news to read or watch more I get frustrated. It may be because first, I  am not a news hungry person; second, I can survive without news. But more than that I have to protect myself from all the negative thinking, defeating mentality and hopelessness  which I get after watching news, that comes from all over. It seems that I am not much against the news. When I say news, I must and tend to avoid all political and negative news regardless of its nature. I do avoid both national and international news, but more than that I avoid reading or watching our local political news. Please, don't get me wrong, when I say I hate political news, this does not necessary mean I hate politicians, its only that I just could not show an inch of respect to our media persons, journalists or think tanks for what kind of news and views they are giving on any channels or papers.

I am also not saying that politicians are not bad by bone and corrupt and doing everything right but, all our political journalists have been unable to empower our public in true sense to take action against them ? If our politicians have failed to deliver result then the media persons also have not been able to do any better job than them, in terms of enforcing our state to take strong action against them. My personal opinion is, if done correctly the power of media is ten times stronger than the combined force of politicians. Politicians are there [ with some exception] to indulge in power play games and kill time rather than to serve nation and public. Okay get this, but, why journalists are only giving negative news only, about politics and politicians ? Are you telling me we don't have any exception in our country or you better not talk about someone unbelievably good in the pile of rottens ? Because, I strongly  believe that a moon is more than sufficient to see in the night rather than millions of stars. You sure is not telling me, you are just not aware of this fact ?

Is journalism is all about busting scam and making money selling negative news, frustrations, depression and hopelessness ?  In recent days, if there has been anything that that has been kept nagging me most for months, then this is the question. Just to find answer, I switch to other international channels, mostly CNN and BBC. It took me time to adjust with my believe not to watch news channels, but if I avoid political news I just got hooked to watching CNN and kind of liked it also. They don't sound sarcastic like our journalist, when they ask questions and hears about possibilities. I am huge fan of, most of the journalist, well not the political journalists, but, still I see no reason, to judge them and show any less respect. CNN and BBC seem to be giving me news other than politics or corrupt politicians. They cover everything that happens in the world and their angle is so big and  convincing than our journalists, who are not inching any further, than politics or the things that happened here but coverage is just negative only. Not surprisingly, news plays a huge role in terms of changing perception in the public mind for good and for bad. Public, not just locally but globally. They are the ones, who gave me clarity and understanding that news means much more than political news and they have wide range of news to keep me busy even if I say, “I don't need to see news to survive.” They still have plenty of news to give me and expand my horizon and vision as well; whereas, our country has been staggering for so long and then all the media person are indulging in blame game saying its all because of bad politic and corrupt politicians.  “Nothing is going to chance in this country if our political situation will not change.”

This is what annoys me most when I hear this above  line from all walk of people in my life. It is purely because the journalist, media person  and think tanks has been saying so, for so long. They only seem to be focusing on short term vision, rather than long term vision and that to commercial aspect of running publication house I mean national dailes. Of course, it has to be there, but without giving anything back to society and country ? this is really scarry. Therefore, I am so vocal on this subject on my social network, knowing I have plenty of journalists, media person  in my circle from national dailies to small papers to TV channels and FM channels and think tanks who can influence society from various aspects on their own.

If I go by the facebook status of the general mass, majority of them never get tired of cursing in foul language and blaming politicians, system also for the worst condition of this country, on top of that adding, ‘the situation is never ever going to change’. Not surprisingly, people are very hopeless, frustrated, defeated and see no future in this country. I can't blame public for holding that kind of attitudes, towards our system and politicians. They are just tuning into the songs sang by journalists, media persons and think tanks for ages, and this is what exactly frustrates me. This section of the so called intellectuals are to be blamed for injecting negativity, defeated mentality, hopelessness and no sign of improvement here in all this in the future too saying, ‘nothing good will ever happen in this country’. Why these section of the society is wasting time only on politics and not inching towards the other areas of society that help grow it and as a whole nation too ?

Agreed, politics sure has so much negativity within its system, okay fine bureaucrats also are to be blamed for the staggering growth as a whole, of our society, but  my question to all this intellectuals is; is politics is everything to help grow a society or a county ? well I do not want to argue on this, with those who strongly believe on this notion.

I just would like to copy a paragraph from The God Particle by Bibhushan Shakya which appeared on THT on July 15, 2012. “...when Time magazine produced a list of most influential people of the 20th century, Mahatma Gandhi, who led India to independence and inspired non-violence throughout the world and Franklin Roosevelt, one of the greatest US presidents who led the country during the great depression, were only the runner ups on the list and the individual honored was the person of the century was a man of theoretical physics - Albert Einstein.”

If I go by the above thought, it clearly agrees with my strong believe,that politics alone is not the supreme reason to help grow a society or a nation and whole world. Then, why my country’s journalists, media perosns and think tanks are moving other directions to help this country's people ? When they are going to realise this ?

When are you going to stop injecting negativity, frustration and depression and hopeless in the mind of public ?

Its  not the politics that is at faults; the journalist, media persons and think tanks must pause and look into themselves for that flaw which lies within.

 
In the meanwhile, I would like to extend my great thankfulness to Bijay Kumar for admitting on national television channel, “that talking politics and with politicians is purely waste of time and saying I should have given that time to other areas I could have seen really good change.” Its been couple of month, since then he had been only inviting social workers on his show. Oh, yes last week there was Gagan Thapa on his show, But, its okay, he is the only young and good politicians of my country.

Prove them Wrong

 There are lucky bunch of people, who can say that, my dream came true and thanks to my family  and the loved ones, who were with me through all this.

To me that is the blessing to have. Those who believe you and support you to achieve your goal.

Its a pure blessing in true sense.

But not all the people are lucky and believed by the family and friends when they wanted to pursue their dreams.

Today, everyone knows Dolly parton is very famous country singer of America. During her school days, when she stood in her classroom and said she wanted to e a star one day, everybody in her class laughed and that laughter made her more determined to be a star, one day; more than ever. She just wanted to be star and prove the laughing crowd wrong.

I have a friend, who is a housewife and not college educated. The doubt of her other college going counterparts that she won't be able to send her two children to school and college is what fires her up. That is the reason she works so hard to earn money, so that she can  send her children to college. Today her son works in advertising agency as a graphic designer and her daughter has completed her ten plus two recently.  My friend is still not done yet, she is planning to send both of them to America or any country that will take them in, within five -six years. The odd against her, is the family of four had been living in one room apartment, for more than a decade.

She has so much fire burning in her belly to prove her close friends circle; who doubted her she can't make it. She wants to show them, she can do it. She just wants to prove those doubters and naysayers wrong, completely wrong. She is talking all kinds of back bending and eyes soaring works that brings money to her. She has been working so hard to see her dream come true.

Last year I was watching iconic bollywood legend Amitabh Bachchan, also fondly known as big B who was  invited in a talk show. The host asked him, “was there time, when media really was unfair to you ?”. “ Oh yes” he replied

“When ?”

When my movie Zanjeer was not doing that good in terms of box office and one journalist got this lines on the cover of a magazine “ his sun is setting” and “he is finished.” I kept that magazine on my table, hoping one day, I use this to disapprove the journalist. When he became a producer, he came to my house to do a project with me and he saw that magazine lying on my table. Not surprisingly he picked it up and said, “ you still have this ?” I told him, “this is my inspiration to disapprove you one day.”

Big B did some movie with the same journalist, when he was rising from the dust again in his life after a stint of his failure. The journalist name is Pritish Nandy.

There is one thing in common, in all of the above mentioned incidents. Sometimes, we do get fired up in life not because we're believed by the people in our life, but we do want to do things to prove the doubters and so called experts in their opinion wrong. In fact, by doing so they are doing us a favour, because without that doubt; we may not have found out, our true potential hidden in us. To tap that our inner strength, unless and until someone really force us to use that potential with their negative comments.

So you know what to do next time when you are doubted next time by so called expert in their opinion, just prove them wrong and make it your life time mission.

I am woman

By pure twist of fate, I find myself in the room full of seasoned writers, journalists, reporters and other intellectuals this Saturday's interaction program on Women Laureate and Criticism by them, that was organised jointly by Akshar Creations, a publication house and Readers Club, Nepal at the Nepal Tourism Board. Did I say writers ? Okay, let me correct it, there was a room full of women writers, and I am not; even a writer but a blogger.

I find myself in this new group, through a facebook group. First I found myself on the book launching event of “In search of self-Entity” back in February 2012 and again interaction program on ‘Women Laureate and Autobiography by them’ here in Nepal held by the same group on the last Saturday of July.

“In search of self-Entity” is a book published by akshar creations and it took Archana Thapa, the publisher, three years to compile the materials in a book from by all women writers.

What really gripped me in particular was, to have myself finding in these events that; not a single woman was nagging or complaining to any men for the reason, “we” lagging behind in our achievement in all aspects of life; yet was trying to find out the reasons; why we are not comfortable enough to come out from our comfort zone and write ?

One of the reason rose higher than others, being it our culture, where men are brought up in male dominated society or we are failing to understand that men are acting that way because they are trained that way. But to me its all the insecure mentality or inherent flaws that lies in men, they are using culture as a cover up and pure lame excuse only.

Do I [we] really have to blame men, if; I can’t achieve, what I want to achieve in my life ? or do I really need men to compete with me to know what is my true potential ? Are men the only  parameter for me to know my full potential ?

I don't think so.

Although, it was not intended on recent interaction event, one male participant raised the voice that, “women can write in the topic only when, she is nagging towards the male presence in her life, whether it be her husband, brother, father, son, uncle or you just name it.”

Of all the truth of our life is that for centuries, she has been used, abused, humiliated, insulted, ignored and what not; just to make her feel how insignificant she is an  unimportant her role is, in his life. Does she even has her own identity ? besides she being daughter, sister, wife,  daughter-in-law, and mother ? Does her thinking and opinion matters in her home a ? Can she even take the decision that matters in her life ?

When, women writers were trying to find answer of these questions, men jumped into the conclusion saying, that we are blaming them for the reason. This really surprised me, but I guess, I use the wrong words here; this should be read as ‘surmised me totally’.

How come male population in the room got offended; with the interaction, when female population were not even verbalizing it, forget about hinting at it, we are just  there to find answer to some perplexing questions, like the problem that lies in our society in our  culture. Could this be our culture ?

One reader asked in very offended tone,  “I have read this In Search of Self-entity, most of the time I felt fingers pointed at men, how come there is only one topic to cry for in women's writing and that one topic is invariably men ?”  Another man who was seated by my side was very vocal, it's only that he was using his kidney when thinking was needed to be done by brain. His behaviour made me frown, at the same time, it also amused me.

My personal opinion, for I not being interested to read books written in Nepali is; that it only speaks about tear, problem, struggle, frustration and poverty. What I am going to learn from reading this type of crap ? But Archana Thapa justified it in more convincing way, she is a freelance writer and publisher herself;  said it as a matter of factly : “ we collected this from different part of the country and from those staying in abroad also.  Women from all walks of life, ranging from fourteen years  to about sixty years. If you are reading only the tears that caused by men, then, maybe; this the time men look into the reality of the truth rather than feeling attacked.” She again conducted saying, “this is high time we look that matter differently than before”, it's kind of an eye opener for me, to dismiss  my own personal belief, “I hate tear jerking stories”.

But, more than that those offended tone, threatened reactions and intimidations; kind of gave me sense of pure joy and satisfaction. See we women had been ignoring all those reaction for centuries. I don't know why ?

You must have heard that saying, when we see snake your blood freeze but how many of you have heard that its snake also who is afraid of us. But, we are just too scared to notice it, that it is afraid  from me too. So, not surprisingly both come to an attach mood of defensive. However, I want you to remember this fact next time when you face snake, when  you are so afraid of snake, its eyesight it so very poor, it works on sound base not on its viewing capacity.

But, I see male counterparts are reacting in more defensive tone, pointing their fingers at us saying, “why are we blaming them for our miserable condition ?” Feeling threatened by our such interactions and feeling so insecure. But what have we said ? Have we even blamed them [in the interaction event] ?

I think this writeup will be so incomplete, if I don't mention here, this small psychological analysis of a bully. Every principal, counselor and coordinator around the world knows that, it's the bully; who is in trouble, not the victim. But, we do have tendencies to sympathise the victim, who gets bullied. The deeper study of the behaviour science have revealed the reality, that bully needs to be understood and then counselled to stop his bullying behaviour. It's the bully, that needs to be treated for the manifestation of the trouble, he /she is going  through in life; not the victim.

And every bully out there, knows this very well; that he/she could never enjoy bullying me. Not now, not then and not when I was in school. It's not just that I have a guts to see straight into the eyes of bully and they not being able to intimidate me. They are not the one to be afraid of, but needs to be understood fully.

I am a slow getter and a tube light, in so many ways. Suddenly, I felt that I get it now and therefore, I feel so good now, I don't even have to raise my voice to intimidate them. They always nag, saying, I am arrogant just because I am beautiful, although its not my primary or secondary thought. I am making them feel so insecure with my confidence to raise my voice. They felt unnecessarily threatened, because of my knowledge power.

And all the time, I have been reading it so wrong, they are trying to pull my leg; but hey ! its not true. Its only the tactics, to make me feel bad for all his weakness and false pride, which he loves to hide behind that tough looking guy, just like that bully; who is acting differently to hide his true problem.

Therefore, I would like to say to all of you boys and men, to take a deep pause to take a  look into yourself, then maybe you will understand it; is not I [woman] who is pointing finger at you; maybe you are reacting that way, for the flaw that lies within [you]. Because the greater the sense of guilt, the bigger is the reason to blame it on others.

I feel so good to say that, I am woman; bold and beautiful, sexy and confident. Oh ! yes most importantly; I am brainy too. Next time, when you want me to feel so insignificant and invisible in front of you, come up with better tactic. Because its my knowledge power which helps me to understand that, bullying is a psychological disorder which can be treated.