Truth hurts or sets you free ?

He fell in love with me after reading my post. I have no idea how long he had been reading me. He was one of that rare wise person who posted comment with much thought and perfect articulation. As time passed by, we got hooked on chat room. Unlike me,  he was a shy guy and a gutless lover.  Knowing his was looking  for special kind of friendship, I told him to read my blog that tells in detail,  how I grew up in Bal Mandir.

There was time I used to feel so uncomfortable to tell people, I grew up in Bal Mandir. Now, it's not that hard to tell them. In fact I like to see their reaction and read it in amusement. I really don't understand why some people think and behave  as if we are untouchables when they come to know that we grew up in children home. What it has to  do with who we are ? What it has to do with who they are ? why thier pride and prestige is so fragile that when we are in it, it makes the sound of shattering glass without falling any glass ? How come a man’s pride and prestige is so fragile ? if it's that fragile is it really a pride and prestiges ? Questions like this really makes me think  a lot.

Interestingly, this is not the first time I am rejected by a man knowing I grew up in Bal Mandir. Before also I have been. To be honest, if I tell you my ex-man’s name 99% of you don't even know him. No, not a chance to hear his name in future until you hear him from me saying I used to date this guy. If in case you know him, you must be his family member. He is not known widely in big circle, even to talk about pride and prestiges. As a matter of fact he is that guy who is so insecure and unconfident under that facade of a macho man. He feared that I will walk longer than him and will be liked by more people than he is known in the small circle. He is just not comfortable with that thought.  This one, you sure will grasp your breath how come the man of his stature and position could be interested in me. But, I told you he was drawn to my intelligence and it was hard for him that I could have such childhood.

Now a days, I am mentally prepared that the guy might change the course of his feelings for me, the moment he comes to know that I grew up in Bal Mandir. So, it's safe for me to tell him in the beginning rather than holding it for at the climax of relationship to break the news of my childhood tragedy. This gives me enough chance to watch his behaviour. How he will treat me with and withouot that knowledge.  In my case, both guys were decent enough not to break the relationship abruptly. But the decision was made once they came to know about me, that I  grew up in Bal Mandir.

In recent case the guy took about three years to pull him from me. It's natural may be, when we are grown and mature enough; we don't invest our emotions that fast as it's not easy to move on like  a teenager with a snap of a finger or a blink of an eye.

The interesting fact here is, I know he loves me and respects me truly. However a million dollar question is; can I wake up with the man, everyday; knowing he has problem accepting my past ? Is this normal when a person loves you so much but do not want to accept parts of your reality ? Is this love when someone makes you feel, uneasy and uncomfortable for the tragedy that happen in your live and you have to live with it ? why some one says I love you, and then goes in silent coma for so long. Why he is scared of that three words !

What kind of man goes in silent coma after uttering three magic words  ! if he really loves you, will he find a blanket to cover his feelings ? I guess, no. What if that blanket is named pride and prestige ? That sure is just a cover up to his feelings but not the truth. A lie you might want to believe thinking this is our society.

On top of that I am not the type who says let's get marry. Living together do not suit his high profile public life. What it has to do his high profile public life and my much hyped social life ?

I am also not the type who eye on a royal, aristocrat or a filthy rich for settlement in life. I have seen many women living with men who feel sorry for her, who feel pity for her, who show  sympathy for her yet he refuse her existence as another human being under a roof. I know I will never  feel comfortable in such situation. I never find a man to marry just to pick my bills or to be my security blanket or a free ticket to my daily meals. I am not that shallow to have him around for all those reasons.

Last year he deleted me from his facebook but we were still in touch as it was hard for both of us to break the contact abruptly, especially for me. Later on, he admitted his condition was also not so good after his decision to move in life devoid of me. After that I am haunted by a shadow image, a ghost of a loving man, who loved me so dearly in his absence. Having a shadow image of him at my service and not having the real man in my real life was one heck of a problem to face in life. At that time it was hard for me to compose myself. However, I consciously made a decision then whatever happens I do not want to end up in mental hospital. It's the hungry for attention mind that plays the reels, which I have no control of. Of course, it was painful reality to live-by to be loved by somebody who was not around in reality. But, I always made him read my feelings that made him cry many times.

He pulled himself all the time from me. Is that what you call being brave ? or being disciplined in life ? He remained silent most of the time.

Couple of days before Jerry requested me to kill that ghost saying, I am going to marry soon. My answer was Congratulations, I hope ghost will be vanished if the genie finds a lady by his side permanently. I am hoping I will not be haunted by the loving ghost once if he goes out to take the step. Everyone has his/her life to live the life as they define.

But, that ghost did not stop coming in my room to love, to hold me in his arms to kiss me and to make love with me. This time not just to love me but now he also talked. His few lines, I love you, I need you. Now this is more painful to hear that ghost talk like this when he said want to marry with someone else.  

Just then when I realised I was lying to myself thinking he loves me. I have to accept it that he doesn't love me that's why he wants to move on in life or cut the contact with me. This sure hurts. It's painful. Self denial is a lie, so it's more painful. If I accept it and decide to move on in life then truth sets me free. Holding on history is painful, moving on in future is freedom ! I learned it depends on me what I decide, remain hurt or choose freedom.

As for this guy I call Jerry, I still love him. Now, the difference is I have learned that I love me too. I remember long time back, I have decided to love me more than anyone can love me because I have no option. As there were no one to love me the way I could love me.

Did he wish to be born as a rich man's son before he died ?

Abraham Lincoln and J. F Kennedy is regarded one of the best leaders in the political history of America. Both  of them never met each other, nah did not even cross each other's road. One was born poor and another born with a silver spoon in his mouth. One was a son of a shoe maker and another was son of powerful businessman as well an influential man in politics. They were born about a 100 years apart, yeah 100 is that number that do have power to puzzle you, if you see the facts of reality in this two leaders life.  

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846. John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946. Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860. John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960. Both were particularly concerned with civil rights. Both their wives lost a child while living in the White House. Both Presidents were shot on a Friday. Both Presidents were shot in the head.

Now it takes the another height.

Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy. Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln. Both were assassinated by Southerners. Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson. Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808. Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908. John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839. Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939. Both assassins were known by their three names. Both names are composed of fifteen letters. Now hang on to your seat.

Lincoln was shot at the theater named "Ford." Kennedy was shot in a car called "Lincoln" made by "Ford." Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials. And here's the "kicker":

A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland. A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.

AND..................

Lincoln was shot in a theater and the assassin ran to a warehouse. Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and the assassin ran to a theater.

Blogger's note : I take no credit of compilation of this toughest task of going through the history  of America with such details. I have read this long time back when I was still in school. Recently,  when I saw this doing its round in Facebook I thought you sure would like to know how the history bounced back in 100 years in politics of America.  So, if original writer will request me to delete it from here I will have to respect that.

Conviction and Lost Logic

Do you know if someone lose one of the five senses, then; that lost sense will be added to one of the remaining four senses ? This means suppose if a person has lost his eyesight he will have double power either on smell, touch, feel or hear. That other sense could be anything. This will vary from person to person but there is no doubt that one of the remaining four senses will be highly enhanced. I had shared my knowledge of it to one of my friend after reading about it in a magazine. I am sure its Reader's Digest.  Her reaction was, you mean to say that the person will be brilliant now ? I said, no the lost sense do not make that person brilliant but one of the senses will be doubled.

She insisted that this means, it will make that person brilliant. I  tried again to tell her that the sense will be doubled and this is not same as being a brilliant overnight. She thought that it's the same thing; however and I did not say it to mean her that way nor  I see its the same thing.

There was a time, I was the most argumentative person on earth. So, I could not agree less with Dale Carnegie when he writes in his book, How to win friends and influence people, “I have come to the conclusion that there is only one way under high heaven to get the best of an argument and that is to avoid it. Avoid it as you would avoid rattlesnakes and earthquakes”.

When I was young, I had the habit of burying myself in books unlike most of the people who huddle in groups gossiping and socialising. I was never a social person nor I am today. In my youth, I tried to make my point clear, sure all in vain to other people. Because, I was not smart person, so I tried this approach for very long period of time. I mean not just a year or two; I tried this for decades. And then the time came, to keep my opinion with me and not try to make others see my point of view on many topics.

It's not that I have never ever heard of this particular book about, how to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie in the past but I have never read it before. How much I regret not reading it much earlier than today. But, we can't undo our lost times nor correct the mistakes we made in past.

When we were young my brother was very bright in study and active in extra curriculums. He used to take part in painting, singing, writing poems, essays and also took parts in debate. What more, he used to win all the first or second prizes after taking part in those competition. Debate was one of his strength, so winning too. I do remember taking part in a debate competition, when I was in 5th grade. It was purely his idea, I take part in this competition. My name was enrolled and when the day came and my name was called to put my point forward, I recited all the lines, that I had mugged which took me days. Let me tell you mugging was never my strength.  There could have been about hundred or so audiences. I delivered all my debating lines looking up all the time in ceiling of the room. Every time, I looked straight and tried to say lines;  I used to I forgot all the lines. Needless to tell you, that was first and last of my taking part in any debate competition.

I would like to say am more logical than the one who loves debating. My friends however, keep saying, you have this natural instinct to win, which I always deny; outright. I say to them, they too have all the chances to win but the only difference is I won't let anyone win by hook or crook. So, it is not surprising some of them, loved to hate me, as it appears everyone wants to win. Long story short, I badly needed to read this book decades ago.

After all these many years, when I read this book with a renewed knowledge not to win argument. However, I am still not keeping friends as I am opting a new tactic, saying to them let's agree, let's agree to disagree. After all these years my staying truth to the point has not changed, I would like to say once I am convinced I am convinced and I am not easy to change my opinion after than. I have learned that I will always  bump with those who has loud opinion, wide open mouth and empty knowledge of what they are talking about.

What is so interesting is my brother is so interested in debate and I am not half good as he is [ now this has transferred to his oldest son, who argues with me and avoiding it is not easy all the time]. In his youth he tried to convert me into Christian just like him. I suffocated hearing preaches in churches or reading some old bible from the very beginning. I decided not to be convert  without tangling with him in any kind of debate or argument. We never win when there is a topic on the table because he and I see from different angle. Nor I have any intention to win over him, however; he keeps blaming me you want to win it as you want.  Long time back, I have decided not to be open up for a debate especially if its a religion.  Be tolerant is what I have learned, I think I am intolerant towards those, who are not tolerant to my choice !

The Sculpture artist

Every time I see this sculpture, a volcano of thought erupts inside my head. And, why not ? It's a male private organ being fancied by a woman. Not just that, look at it, it's a huge and looks bigger than the woman who is dreaming about it. Soooo long and healthy piece ! So, that volcanic eruption of thought is not that unusual, well I guess ! They say our private parts has power to open all the senses at once and apart from all the senses, another must the brain - other than our five senses. Some say the rush of adrenaline. Whatever it is, this particular sculpture really has power to make me ponder long and hard.

Of all the thoughts, one thought goes like this. I think this artist must have come to visit Kathmandu and he was in the city he must have a simple wish to visit Pashupati. But, once he was in the place He must have been denied to enter gate of the Pashupati temple, for he not being a Hindu. His curious mind must have nagged him so much, why other religious believer are denied to enter in pashupati ? What for ? why they do not allow any camera[s] inside the temple premises ? What is there which needs to be hidden from many caste, creed and nationality ?

Now, we live in the age of internet. Some call it age of communications too, as we are bombarded with so much news and views that was never possible before. If you have a curious  mind, now all you have to do is to ask google. Like who, what, when, where and why. Once you ask those questions in Google’s page, you can find all the answers in a matter of seconds. agreed it takes time to read it all but the question is answered. In my mind I can see him digging in google and then finding what is inside the temple of Hindu believers. Before that there is no doubt that, this curious guy must have bought some books and miniature statues from outside the temple just to be sure what he learned from Google or the people around the temple.

Not surprisingly, then he must have thought what so fuss about that sturdy but minuscule yet artless private part of a man ? in his mind he must have got questions: what ; you worship that and keep it in temple ? then he must have remember the time when he was denied to enter in Pashupati just to have a look at that ugly penis of a man called Shiva, hindu regards him as god. Then he must have got another thought. Thought of a hurt man who felt humiliated for no reason whatsoever outside the temple gate. Then a flash of a dream was conceived in the head of this man, who just felt shattered within. Let me show you, my version of how it should look like, where it should be placed.

And then he went his country, started working on his idea as well as started talking to the city mayor for the place to keep his giant erotic sculptures. The people who he talked with saw point in this proposal and artistic skill. Now, see in the Jeju park of south Korea, we can see in open park what is kept inside the temples in Nepal. What should be ridden by many woman people worship that part of the body organ here in this country.

Now I get another thought, when this artist takes a stroll in the park and sees many women riding ‘it’ at a time without even being zealous of other one, he might get satisfaction in deep within. It's not necessary that he has to share his feelings  with anyone. Then at that time he feels no qualms in his heart to feel the bitterness of being denied to enter in Pashupati to see what he could place it in public places, where anyone can enter regardless of caste, creed and nationality. And yes they can carry camera with them.

Interestingly, every man on the planet earth has that small yet important body organ which need not be placed in temple to worship nor keep it secrets from other religious group.

Perhaps, it must be hidden inside the temple for its ugliness, artlessness and senseless idea that we need to worship such thing !

Know yourself and then Believe in you

In crime shows one thing that really grips me is its story telling especially when it comes to  rape. A young girl is raped, a grandmother is raped, a woman is raped, a wife is raped,  a rejected boy friends rapes his own girlfriend in rage, an angry husband rapes his wife, a brother rapes his own sister, an uncle rapes his own nieces. a neighbor rapes a girl next door. A gang of strangers rapes an unknown girl walking on the street.

Men seeing women only for his lust, treating her like his toy to vent, rant, pour anger, feel good about himself and at times his ego gets boosted when he rapes or exploit a girl/woman. After watching hundreds of crime shows that is covered about rapes cases; this is really tricky to understand the core of his mind and the intention behind  rape. No one have come up with the answer that helps us to understand this issue, why ? What can we say to the young girls so that we can avoid it in future. There is no way a girl can protect herself from the ill intention men who might be the potential rapist. Is there any way we can recognize the man who can be the rapist ? No, one have come up with this answer too.

When we are bombarded with so many rape news which is increasing everyday. It's really hard to say what is there we need to know to tell them about guys who have destructive mind who want to hurt girls, humiliate her, abuse her, shun her, silence her, shrink her and his tool to do all this is rape. Yes, some of them kills her after brutal rape !

One thing is for sure, men who are raised by women who respected them would never ever do anything like that to any girls/women. Men who are abusive, had tormented childhood. But remember do not allow anyone to hurt you, your feelings  and treat you badly just because he had bad childhood.

There is probably nothing, we can ever teach you sufficiently to protect you from men   who will treat you like a trash. But, if you know about self respect then maybe we don't need to teach you anything about men. It's not about knowing him but it's about knowing you which is more important. This knowledge about you and your believe will be helpful to handle yourself not just before but after [ god forbid if that ever happen to you]  the most haunting rape also.

Sometimes, some men rape just for fun; because she looked like the kind, let's have fun. To some her way is somewhat inviting. The question is why do they rape ? Research shows that men rape for basically for three main reasons. First is I like her [want of sex is covered in the like], second is its entertainment and third is revenge. Now, when I have three beautiful nieces and two of them are in college and in their teenage. One will turn thirteen next year. Reading and watching rape cases it really worries me how to protect them when I am not around them.

Pick your boyfriend wisely : I am not going to tell you girls to be doubtful of  every guy who comes in your life. I can't tell you to see them with a hint of doubt or he could be the one who have already took rounds in jail. It's not what I can tell you about men but what you need to know about sex, rape and your own believe in sex. I know two of you do watch some Indian crime shows but remember watching it will not make you smart enough to face the crime that goes around you. It only scares you.

There is a reason why your parents may paranoid about your boyfriend[s]  and why they tell you, do not have boyfriend[s] unless and until you finish your college. I see no reason to tell you to stay away from men unless you make big mistake. Sure some people think  that if you don't have boyfriend then the chance are less you will end up in any kind of trouble. That makes no sense. Not all the girls who are raped are the one who had boyfriend. Many of them are raped in front of their husband and some in front of boyfriend.

Sex is not the super glue nor it's the synonyms of love. I would like to tell you if you get physical with your boyfriend and then at one point you realize that he is not the type of your ideal man then let me tell you this, now; walk out from that relationship. I have read so much and try to find some answer in all that; who thinks that you should stick with one man, specially with the one you get physical with once. But, getting physical with anyone does not mean you two are made for each other. There are plenty of people who need women to keep at home and then women to please his lust. Yes, sex is a form of an expression of love and feelings but it sure is not the super glue of love. Interestingly, in married life it's viewed that  lack of sex means that the partner is seeking love somewhere else. You girls will sure grow old enough to know that there are men who likes to have sex with one person  but loves somebody else. Lucky you, if you find the guy who loves you and would not want to get intimate with anyone but you ! keep crossing your finger girls.

Slut shaming culture : You girls must be knowing about the slut shaming culture our society clings in. we live in a society where having  a couple of boyfriends will earn you the certificate of characterless girl. Many would like to close the eyes with the fact that how  abusive the boyfriend was. It will be seen only from the anle how close you have been with him during that time. This will always get the unwanted look from the women next door or the men presumes, you are easy to take bed with, regardless of your consent. Be who you are but, keep your private life private. There are certain things that should never ever see the daylight. This does not mean you let your man abuse you, treat you like trash or the make you feel  inferior about yourself.

Keep in mind rape is also sex but rape is bad form of sex and just because it may be sex to the man rape can't be sex for the victim. Remember some guys rape just for fun and entertainment. He might want to say it was a good sex, even though his partner is not enjoying it. It's good if we know it long before some creep inject his version of idea in your head. Sex should not make you feel inferior, ashamed and indignant about yourself and if you feel so, know what you need to do about it. Remember, I will be with you girls.

Why then some hang herself after rape ? some cut herself from all the social gathering. Many raped victims think this is her dignity and once she is raped her entire life is ruined. But it's not the truth. Not all girls/women committed suicide after rape. Gang rape could not kill a girl There are good men in our society who married the girls who were gang raped once. So what you need to know more than rape and rapist or the society and its view on it and about yourself ? You can live your life even after the most daunting rape.

Self respect : It seems there are some girls who are easy to pick for rape, torture, exploitation. Through study shows that girls who lack self respect are easy to picked up by men for his false machismo image. Weak girls are their target. Those who are self aware about her plus and minus points are not weak and they never allow weak men to exploit you. Know yourself, have the conviction about sex and then you will see this world better. Do not allow rape to ruin your life or any men to exploit you.

The Black and White Sweater

Prafulla Giri

 It's not a hidden fact that, I love knitting. Everyone who knows me  knows very well about this special skill and talent of mine. I am good at it and I sure do take pride in a skill that allows me to convert a wool thread into a dress that screams for attention. Eye catching design is what I take real pride about my this skill. What may be hidden is, why I am good at it. One plain truth about me being so good at it is practice, practice and practice and I can say this about knitting I yet have to meet a person who could have made more mistake in trying than I have made during my learning process. I pick patterns fast but I have made more mistake in trying new neckline all the time. Eeven I knew how to knit perfectly, perfect finishing was not that easy. It took me years to make a perfect sweater. Even though, by thirteen I was already wearing the sweater that made people say wow. Once I make a sweater I know I can wear it over the next ten years of time. Therefore, when I make a sweater I always keep in mind that it will last next ten years and if I make mistake it will be seen in this sweater for more than ten years. this makes me do it perfectly and give my level best. This perhaps is the only thing I am good at in true sense. Its really good that thousands  my readers likes my writing to and for me both of it is as good as meditation for me.

I have been knitting since I was very young, I mean ever since I was about five or may be six years old ! I did knit long before I was old enough to work on real needles. As a learners, I started working on broomsticks and wools that was joined probably more than 100 times. To make a small hairband; with which we started learning how to  knit.  Even this small one and half inch width and about fourteen inch long product used to have about 20 plus joined knots and for a muffler the multiple color wool added more ‘design’ than my plain knitting skill. Later on I was self promoted to barb wire and then umbrella wire before I really was able to own my one needle.

On my recent visit to my youngest brother's place his youngest daughter Rachana asked me where did you learned it ? I said, Bal Mandir. And I was younger than you when I started learning how to knit. I knit every year during winter; without fail. I knit even if I really don't need a new sweater. I knit, even if I do not have any new ideas in my head. Sometimes, I just knit for the sake of knitting. now the habit has grown so much that  I knit and then I like giving it as gift or as a charity. Everyone who knows me knows that I love knitting. My knitting do not have anything with my basic need of warm clothes on my body because knitting have become more than basic need. This simple skill, which I have learned when I was so young have turned into a passion over the long period of time. This has been my passion, my talent, my pride, my skill which helps me to remain stress free. just like writing it's like a therapeutic and It's almost like meditation that help me to distress my otherwise cluttered brain with thoughts.

Sukdev Giri

This time, when I am here at my brothers place for dashain break; Prafulla pulled one old picture of his father. Prafulla is the oldest boy amongst the three children of my youngest brother Sukdev. In this picture my brother looks young. It is before he was married and he looks like as if he was about 20 -21 in that picture of black and white era of photography.

What is more special about this picture is, Sukdev is wearing a sweater, which is his favorite one. I have made that one for him long time ago, more than 20 years ago. I must have been in my teen years when I made that sweater for him. Now, all he has about that sweater is, this picture reminding him how much he likes it. Looking at this picture I now know, that I did not even knew how to make a perfect neckline but prafulla wants that very same design sweater made for him; including the imperfect neckline that is seen in the picture. For him, he just wants to relive the life that was lived by his father; long before he was borne. It's like time machine which allows anyone to travel back in life and relive that moment. So, my brother bought some wool for me and then I started making that same designed sweater for his son.

Prafulla turned 21 this week and he has been the most argumentative nephew of mine and he shoots back five questions, if I tell him one thing. I find this habit of him very unnerving because it's not easy to deal with a young college boy who has half knowledge, full open mouth and loud opinion. His reasonings are derailed and I can call it logical errors. But he is dead sure about what he knows about most of the things. May be it's his age or may be it's his nature. Prafulla have one complain with me all the time, you are not like my mom or our aunts. Why he expects me to be the carbon copy of rest of the women he knows. That is unnerving !

When I started making sweater for him, I noticed one thing that Prafulla has turned quiet and now do not argue with me unnecessarily.  This really makes me think that boys/men secretly wishes the women in their life must take care of them and love them and if they don't feel it they get agitated and it shows up in vague way. That lack of argument from his side is his way of expressing. Expression of his expectations and crying for love and care. When I finished the sweater, he really liked it. And suddenly his arguing habit is gone.

Now, he wants me to teach it to Rachana, Rachana is my twelve year old youngest niece.  Will Rachana be as interested as I was to learn it ?  But, she was awestruck when she saw me knitting without looking at the needle and my eyes on the television screen or on computer screen [youtube]. She wanted to know where did I learn it and how old I was when I learned it.

For me knitting is best time pass, stress buster and I can call it my meditation. I love it because I can knit when I am watching TV. With knitting I can try new ideas on my sweaters and I can try new color blending in my sweater and I always loved to try the new thing or design even if very few may want to wear it. It's so refreshing to try new thing with the help of a wool thread. I really like the core concept of making a whole new dress with a thread and then converting that thread into a dress. That really makes me happy and feel proud of the skill I learned long time back.

The best part of knitting is I can watch a movie on TV and I can knit at the same time or I can chat and my hand still works.

My family my relatives

Your useless brothers ! both of my Bhauju [brother-in-law] takes satisfaction to say this lines at least once whenever we meet. They use this line when they try to convince me the family situation, trying to take me to on their sides.  I don't blindly side with my brothers all the time; especially, if they are at the fault side. And may be, I being a woman myself; can understand her sides of story better. There are times, they are nice and sweet and unbearable at the very next moment. Like most of the people they have their good side, bad side and sure dark side also. One of my bhauju is rich, and the other is poor. Both of them have three children, respectively. The rich one has two good looking boys and a beautiful daughter and the poor one has two beautiful daughters and a cute boy. Given a chance, both of them can go non stop to blame all to my brother[s] for almost everything that went wrong in their lives. Yes, both of them are ‘professional nagger’ the rich one is actively vocal about it in her close circle and the poor one is passively vocal about his being useless.

During my recent visit to Chitwan, the other day, I stayed overnight with my poor brothers home and during leisure time I listened my Bhauju. She was blaming all to my brother for everything that went wrong in her life and not having anything at all in hand for them and also for her children as they are growing up and cost will rise high. Both of her girls are in college now. They are healthy, beautiful and doing good in college. Their young boy is in second grade in school. the youngest girl Sara is sixteen, passed school in distinction and won scholarship for her college study and she is very bright student also. The big girl who just turned 18 doing fine and both of them found a job also to keep themselves busy.

During my visit in Chitwan, I stay with my youngest brother’s home. Sure, this bhauju also has some issues with my brother and she repeatedly have told me : the famous saying of our society, can't exchange him, can't kill  him. She too has her own dissatisfaction with him like all the couples in the world. If one blames my brother for not having anything in hand then the this one won't give him credit for what all she has. All she has now is she earned it herself. Because she worked hard for everything and deserves it. Oh, one thing for sure, I must tell you she did not come from the rich family who can provide her this or that to begin with my brother. As a matter of fact, she really has worked hard to multiply her money and she is good at it like Warren Buffet or that what I call her. Therefore, all the credit should go only to her for everything she has today. Like my other brother, her two boys are in good health, handsome and doing good in college.

Both my bhauju exaggerate their problems and especially if it has anything to do with my brother, they sure love to blow up things out of proportion. I paid close attention to my poor bhauju talk and I came to this conclusion after listening her for many years. She has the habit of seeing all the problems with magnifying glass.  Fear is her biggest friends and enemy. Although; she appears to be very quiet by nature she is not that submissive when it comes to supporting her man and this gets my brother even if he may say it in different language. Men are hungry to get the approval from women all the time. How come a woman can blame it to him all if she do not have courage to start all by her own life, if something goes wrong. On the other hand my rich bhauju knowing my brother is careless and irresponsible, when it comes to finance and other things in life [ he is a religious leader and enjoys a top position in church] but my bhauju is not impressed by that fact, as it brings no money in home to run the family for day-to-day's job.

Looking at both women and seeing my brothers - I see that how can women blame to men  all the time in family, whenever things go wrong ? Although, I am not much close with my brothers and when I call home I speak with my bhauju more than I speak with my brothers. Suddenly, I wanted to forget that, I am not a feminist and let's forget for a moment that I am the sister. But somebody who want to understand what is the core point here.

Do we enjoy blaming others for the things that goes wrong in our life all the time ? as we do not want to take the responsibility of it.  In recent times, I am keeping close eyes in the women empowerment movement and I myself was on street demanding woments right when they were trying to make the constitution 2072.  Some of the demands were ‘women friendly constitution’ and most of women's demand was ignored by the political leaders. I started reading some feminist online sites that was funded by foreign country. There is something serious  in our thought of saying all the time that, ours is patriotic society and men are all the time in a position to suppress us.

I feel sorry for men who are under the tremendous pressure to make it in life at any cost, whether they are capable or not. We look up to them for their nod even if they had no clue what they need to do next. Some say out of respect they should be given then that right but how much respect ? When I am writing all this, I am reminded of a five year old boy of my friend with whom I share my flat for a more than a year.  He was afraid of dark but he never put it in words,even at that young age. He could pee on his pant but won't go to the toilet which bulb was not working, even if we told him we are right here. He used to scream in anger for slightest things but if pushed a little bit more he used to cry in the next moment. Yet he put that mask of a macho man, a boy who won't cry like a girl; even though he feels like crying.

I feel sorry for men, they have to pretend who they are not and sometimes, some men do enjoy that extra power given to them. Many of them don't even know how to use that power and sure not knowing all the time how to use it many of them misuse it. I have now have grown enough to see women who love to blame men for being abusive, violent and angry all the time are on the fault side themselves. Now, I know for sure women who blame it all to them are not responsible enough to take the blame of their own flaws. It's really easy to blame it to anyone, what difference it makes if that other person is her man ?  

May be for good or bad they are very religious and their religion bars them to walk out from the marriage they tied once. So, I know they will be with them together for bad and bad and poor and poor.

But my mind is in deep thought, do we need men to blame ?  I really don't find my brothers any superior or inferior than my bhauju but how do they handle the situation decides how good or bad their life will be. I think there is expiry date when we blame others for our life and this is the right time my both bhauju better stop blaming my brothers for everything that goes wrong in their life. we must learn to take responsibility. He is not that smart to take all the burden of life, he sure needs her to share the burden.