Recently I read an article by Mr Jyoti Devkota in one of the online news sites. There is something in its nature which made me take part in the debate. Here is my answer to the writer as well as to those that nodded their head in agreement with the writer that it's solely a women's right activists' duty to give respect and justice to all those women, who are disrespected, degraded, exploited and have to face hardship in life. One comment from Durga Shrestha read like this: "डलरे हरुलाई अली घोच्छ यो लेखले। [It will offend those that earn dollars]" - a satire to those that work in NGOs as women right activist. So, I asked him, "तपाईले के भन्न खोज्नु भएको हो मलाई अचम्म लाग्यो। [what are you trying to say, I'm surprised]"?
Rest of my response in relation to the same article is as follows. "Suzata Hamal ji, I do not completely agree with your accusation here. I think Sunita Giri ji is raising some good points here. If you read the whole article this article focuses more on the pain of the family (particularly that of father) on having a physically disabled daughter than the pain of the individual herself. Just the fact that this article focuses on the image of the father was already making me feel uncomfortable about the whole situation. Even when the rape incident is described, the way the writer describes the situation is evident that she had to endure all of the consequences alone. At a face of injustice inflicted on their family member, how could they afford to worry about saving their face? How selfish is that? This is the mentality that runs over much of South Asian families, and this is exactly the reason why so many rape cases go unreported because rape is not treated as any other crime. In other crimes, it's the criminals that have to be embarrassed, while in the case of rape it's the women that are shamed. And the family exacerbates the situation by trying to sweep it under the rug rather than standing up against it together with the victim. Perhaps, the problem is amplified because of the physical disability of the person in question, but it surely is not just a problem of physically disabled women in Nepal. This is a perfect example of how women are treated in our society.
Parents' responsibility doesn't end with giving birth, it should begin from there. But the way in which most Nepalese are brought up especially in poverty stricken and less educated families is that parents have a sense of entitlement. 'I gave you birth; hence, you have to be grateful towards me no matter how I treat you from henceforth', - this kind of mentality is very much prevalent. Somehow we are even supposed to empathize with them trying to kill their own daughter as explained in this line - "सुनेको थिएँ, पापबाट मुक्ति पाओस् भनेर लाटीलाई मुसाको दवाइ दिइएको थियो रे [I had heard that she was given a rat poison so that she could get rid of the sin]" because obviously their मुक्ति [salvation] from the पाप [sin] is the most important. Where was her family in all this? Why did they not arm their daughter with education? Why didn't they discard all of their shame and embarrassment and stand by their daughter/sister? Why is the writer still so much focused about their problems? Why does this article have accusational tone towards women activists when they themselves seem to have done everything sexist? Can women right activists feed a potion that eliminates all kinds of sexist mentality from every members of the society? Do they have some magic wand that they can wave and solve all the problems overnight? I don't think so. They can only function and achieve something when people of the society, and primarily the family members cooperate and extend their hands.
This article has been written with a motive, and the motive is clear. The motive of this writer is not the concern of his sister, he wants to accuse women's right activists. This is his answer to all those women that write in Setopati on women right issues. He is trying to tell them that they are not achieving anything by just talking and there are other people that need more help. I agree that the problems related to women rights are endless, and perhaps sometimes we could do better than to talk about some small issues. But the way in which people like the writer like to sit away in a corner and judge feminists while doing nothing themselves is insane. Just because his sister is born a physically disabled woman doesn't mean that he, who is an able man, cannot help her solve her problems. Women's issues are issues faced by women in our families, our societies, and all of us (men and women) have to be accountable for them. Same with people with disabilities. We have to change our own mindset first. If people like this writer are not ready to change their mindset, there is absolutely nothing women right activists or anyone can do to make the society better. So, stop blaming women right activists for things that aren't done. Just step up yourself, and do something about it if you truly care."
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