Love or Lust

On the 4th death anniversary of her father, in 2011, Priya could not get a day off from her office, due to shortage of staff, but was allowed to go home couple of hours earlier in the evening, meaning at around 6 pm. Nidhi, Priya’s colleague, seeing Priyas loneliness on that day, invited her at her home after office that day, just to make her feel better, as she was not feeling good on that particular day for many reason. Especially, she not being able to stay at home with her mother and younger sister on that day.

After office at Nidhi’s home, as they were talking, they got lost in time track, it got late, meaning 8 pm. Because, it was the month of December and Priya’s house was about 35 minutes walking distance from Nidhi’s home, yet Nidhi managed to get Pankaj from office to drop Priya at her home. Pankaj instantly made himself available on the request.

Pankaj Maitry worked with Nidhi and Priya in a BPO centre in Ahmedabad for last three years. Pankaj was in love with Priya but she was not into him. He had shared his feelings for her, but she had declined it politely, saying, “its not just you I am not ready for any guy now, not at this time.” More she wanted a distant from him, more he got attracted to her, who worked in his office, and their workstation was also the same; not just the office. And  more Pankaj saw her,  more he started liking her despite her rejection for his proposal.

On the way back home, when Priya held Pankaj around his waist on his bike, his adrenalin rush went high and at that time he felt so strongly for Priya, to hold her and love her. All he wanted was, to make love with her. Pankaj told Priya he had to get one package from a friend's place. Instead he took her behind a quite bush on the way and then had forcefully physical relation with her. Sorry, I am not using the rape word here.

Rape ! of course, sound big ugh and Oh My God, but to him it was just expressing his raw emotions to the girl, he loved so dearly.

When everything happened Priya started saying harsh and nasty words to pankaj for what  he did to her and threatened to take her to police. It was immediate after the ‘sex’. For Pankaj it was the expression of his feelings and love and for priya it was lust [she was not interested] and unacceptable act making it rape.

He loved her and to a man rejection immediate after sex, no man can take it easily.  Men do get angry when they don't get sex, when they want it.

Pankaj had fabricated the story that her shawl, which wrapped around her neck got tangled in the bike’s chain, when they were on the road and ultimately it caused the bike accident that killed her. Pankaj never truly opened up on this case, not even during the interrogation by police. He kept denying all the time, saying it was pure bike accident which killed priya.

It seems that he had completely blocked himself on his emotion of rejection by the very girl whom, he had loved so dearly. Of course, his way of treating her was bad and I am not saying Priya should not have resented it. While watching its dramatized version on TV, I just hoped, she should have protected her life before worrying about her  body being impure.

It may be in our cultural believe, that lies in our mind that sex is bad and rape is worst form of sex. It has been injected in our mind in such a way, as if it means end of world. Our mind is trained to  take such situation that as if  there is no life after rape. But what we need to understand is rape is nightmare and life does not end after rape. There are women, who have survived gang rape also, so women need to protect herself first not to protect the body first.

Personally it seems to me that this boy who worked in BPO who was deeply in love with Priya, but she had rejected his feelings for her. He was bit of introvert kind, what happened behind the bush was purely his feeling for the girl and immediately after the sex he was in no mood for rejection and not the kind of reaction he expected. It only broke loose of his twisted wire in his brain and then in that very moment he killed Priya, on the spot. Here at this moment I am leaving the criminal investigation ran by police force and will focus on the death of Priya after the sex, well maybe rape.

When post mortem report revealed death at around 9:30 to 10:00 pm and the body was rushed to the hospital at around 11:00 pm. But Priya had left Nidhi’s home at around 8:00 pm and she was raped before murder. The scratches on her hands were so fresh, they were telling stories. Police officers were able to crack down Pankaj. Then it was revealed that, Pankaj had thought that, if he gets her body first, she will be compelled to marry with him due to societal pressure on women after rape.

“But, if you loved her that much, why you killed her ?” interrogating police officer wanted to know, Pankaj melt down under the pressure of police interrogation and admitted after much denial, she had gone on verbal attack, threatening to defame him by going to police and calling him words like ‘coward’, ‘bastard’ and you are ‘namard’ [big insult to man],  and so on. You are coward and you will regret for what you have just done to me.

Men can not take those words lightly, not immediate after sex; ugh, I keep forgetting to mention rape word here.

I have been digging so many rape cases that happened in India which comes in crime patrol show a crime base reality show, where tens of thousands rape cases happens every year. All I want to tell my women readers that, in case of rape protect your life not your body. Spit on the idea, that is injected in our mind by our culture that sex [rape] impures our body. Save your energy to fight with the guy and society too, in this matter,  in this life; you can not do that after death. There are cases, women do have survived even after gang rape ! Remember rape is not the end of life anyway.

After all he was the guy who worked with her in the same office for last three years, so it really would not have been much tough for Priya to catch the guy later on, and take the needed action. Women get killed for threatening the fragile self esteem men dwell in not for resenting the sex men offer to them. Recently news around the world surfaces of women being raped from the new born to 97 years old. Criminal Expert say, men suffering from narcissistic disorder are tend to do these kind of heinous act to women. "Abusive men suffer from pathological jealousy for their partner", said Criminologist Anna Van Der Hoven from South Africa. “These kind of Individual have a grandiose sense of self importance... however, their self-esteem is very fragile and when this is threatened, they can become violent”; she added further.

While I was growing, I used to think all men are alike, what I failed to understand that man like Pankaj, do not represent; all the men who live on the planet.  This is the best thing I have ever learned as I grow older.

The narrator of the program concluded with the thought, saying “only mentally-ill person can think of overpower and possessing women, after getting her body first, and mentally sick people has nothing to do with masculinity and masochism.