Prove them Wrong

 There are lucky bunch of people, who can say that, my dream came true and thanks to my family  and the loved ones, who were with me through all this.

To me that is the blessing to have. Those who believe you and support you to achieve your goal.

Its a pure blessing in true sense.

But not all the people are lucky and believed by the family and friends when they wanted to pursue their dreams.

Today, everyone knows Dolly parton is very famous country singer of America. During her school days, when she stood in her classroom and said she wanted to e a star one day, everybody in her class laughed and that laughter made her more determined to be a star, one day; more than ever. She just wanted to be star and prove the laughing crowd wrong.

I have a friend, who is a housewife and not college educated. The doubt of her other college going counterparts that she won't be able to send her two children to school and college is what fires her up. That is the reason she works so hard to earn money, so that she can  send her children to college. Today her son works in advertising agency as a graphic designer and her daughter has completed her ten plus two recently.  My friend is still not done yet, she is planning to send both of them to America or any country that will take them in, within five -six years. The odd against her, is the family of four had been living in one room apartment, for more than a decade.

She has so much fire burning in her belly to prove her close friends circle; who doubted her she can't make it. She wants to show them, she can do it. She just wants to prove those doubters and naysayers wrong, completely wrong. She is talking all kinds of back bending and eyes soaring works that brings money to her. She has been working so hard to see her dream come true.

Last year I was watching iconic bollywood legend Amitabh Bachchan, also fondly known as big B who was  invited in a talk show. The host asked him, “was there time, when media really was unfair to you ?”. “ Oh yes” he replied

“When ?”

When my movie Zanjeer was not doing that good in terms of box office and one journalist got this lines on the cover of a magazine “ his sun is setting” and “he is finished.” I kept that magazine on my table, hoping one day, I use this to disapprove the journalist. When he became a producer, he came to my house to do a project with me and he saw that magazine lying on my table. Not surprisingly he picked it up and said, “ you still have this ?” I told him, “this is my inspiration to disapprove you one day.”

Big B did some movie with the same journalist, when he was rising from the dust again in his life after a stint of his failure. The journalist name is Pritish Nandy.

There is one thing in common, in all of the above mentioned incidents. Sometimes, we do get fired up in life not because we're believed by the people in our life, but we do want to do things to prove the doubters and so called experts in their opinion wrong. In fact, by doing so they are doing us a favour, because without that doubt; we may not have found out, our true potential hidden in us. To tap that our inner strength, unless and until someone really force us to use that potential with their negative comments.

So you know what to do next time when you are doubted next time by so called expert in their opinion, just prove them wrong and make it your life time mission.

I am woman

By pure twist of fate, I find myself in the room full of seasoned writers, journalists, reporters and other intellectuals this Saturday's interaction program on Women Laureate and Criticism by them, that was organised jointly by Akshar Creations, a publication house and Readers Club, Nepal at the Nepal Tourism Board. Did I say writers ? Okay, let me correct it, there was a room full of women writers, and I am not; even a writer but a blogger.

I find myself in this new group, through a facebook group. First I found myself on the book launching event of “In search of self-Entity” back in February 2012 and again interaction program on ‘Women Laureate and Autobiography by them’ here in Nepal held by the same group on the last Saturday of July.

“In search of self-Entity” is a book published by akshar creations and it took Archana Thapa, the publisher, three years to compile the materials in a book from by all women writers.

What really gripped me in particular was, to have myself finding in these events that; not a single woman was nagging or complaining to any men for the reason, “we” lagging behind in our achievement in all aspects of life; yet was trying to find out the reasons; why we are not comfortable enough to come out from our comfort zone and write ?

One of the reason rose higher than others, being it our culture, where men are brought up in male dominated society or we are failing to understand that men are acting that way because they are trained that way. But to me its all the insecure mentality or inherent flaws that lies in men, they are using culture as a cover up and pure lame excuse only.

Do I [we] really have to blame men, if; I can’t achieve, what I want to achieve in my life ? or do I really need men to compete with me to know what is my true potential ? Are men the only  parameter for me to know my full potential ?

I don't think so.

Although, it was not intended on recent interaction event, one male participant raised the voice that, “women can write in the topic only when, she is nagging towards the male presence in her life, whether it be her husband, brother, father, son, uncle or you just name it.”

Of all the truth of our life is that for centuries, she has been used, abused, humiliated, insulted, ignored and what not; just to make her feel how insignificant she is an  unimportant her role is, in his life. Does she even has her own identity ? besides she being daughter, sister, wife,  daughter-in-law, and mother ? Does her thinking and opinion matters in her home a ? Can she even take the decision that matters in her life ?

When, women writers were trying to find answer of these questions, men jumped into the conclusion saying, that we are blaming them for the reason. This really surprised me, but I guess, I use the wrong words here; this should be read as ‘surmised me totally’.

How come male population in the room got offended; with the interaction, when female population were not even verbalizing it, forget about hinting at it, we are just  there to find answer to some perplexing questions, like the problem that lies in our society in our  culture. Could this be our culture ?

One reader asked in very offended tone,  “I have read this In Search of Self-entity, most of the time I felt fingers pointed at men, how come there is only one topic to cry for in women's writing and that one topic is invariably men ?”  Another man who was seated by my side was very vocal, it's only that he was using his kidney when thinking was needed to be done by brain. His behaviour made me frown, at the same time, it also amused me.

My personal opinion, for I not being interested to read books written in Nepali is; that it only speaks about tear, problem, struggle, frustration and poverty. What I am going to learn from reading this type of crap ? But Archana Thapa justified it in more convincing way, she is a freelance writer and publisher herself;  said it as a matter of factly : “ we collected this from different part of the country and from those staying in abroad also.  Women from all walks of life, ranging from fourteen years  to about sixty years. If you are reading only the tears that caused by men, then, maybe; this the time men look into the reality of the truth rather than feeling attacked.” She again conducted saying, “this is high time we look that matter differently than before”, it's kind of an eye opener for me, to dismiss  my own personal belief, “I hate tear jerking stories”.

But, more than that those offended tone, threatened reactions and intimidations; kind of gave me sense of pure joy and satisfaction. See we women had been ignoring all those reaction for centuries. I don't know why ?

You must have heard that saying, when we see snake your blood freeze but how many of you have heard that its snake also who is afraid of us. But, we are just too scared to notice it, that it is afraid  from me too. So, not surprisingly both come to an attach mood of defensive. However, I want you to remember this fact next time when you face snake, when  you are so afraid of snake, its eyesight it so very poor, it works on sound base not on its viewing capacity.

But, I see male counterparts are reacting in more defensive tone, pointing their fingers at us saying, “why are we blaming them for our miserable condition ?” Feeling threatened by our such interactions and feeling so insecure. But what have we said ? Have we even blamed them [in the interaction event] ?

I think this writeup will be so incomplete, if I don't mention here, this small psychological analysis of a bully. Every principal, counselor and coordinator around the world knows that, it's the bully; who is in trouble, not the victim. But, we do have tendencies to sympathise the victim, who gets bullied. The deeper study of the behaviour science have revealed the reality, that bully needs to be understood and then counselled to stop his bullying behaviour. It's the bully, that needs to be treated for the manifestation of the trouble, he /she is going  through in life; not the victim.

And every bully out there, knows this very well; that he/she could never enjoy bullying me. Not now, not then and not when I was in school. It's not just that I have a guts to see straight into the eyes of bully and they not being able to intimidate me. They are not the one to be afraid of, but needs to be understood fully.

I am a slow getter and a tube light, in so many ways. Suddenly, I felt that I get it now and therefore, I feel so good now, I don't even have to raise my voice to intimidate them. They always nag, saying, I am arrogant just because I am beautiful, although its not my primary or secondary thought. I am making them feel so insecure with my confidence to raise my voice. They felt unnecessarily threatened, because of my knowledge power.

And all the time, I have been reading it so wrong, they are trying to pull my leg; but hey ! its not true. Its only the tactics, to make me feel bad for all his weakness and false pride, which he loves to hide behind that tough looking guy, just like that bully; who is acting differently to hide his true problem.

Therefore, I would like to say to all of you boys and men, to take a deep pause to take a  look into yourself, then maybe you will understand it; is not I [woman] who is pointing finger at you; maybe you are reacting that way, for the flaw that lies within [you]. Because the greater the sense of guilt, the bigger is the reason to blame it on others.

I feel so good to say that, I am woman; bold and beautiful, sexy and confident. Oh ! yes most importantly; I am brainy too. Next time, when you want me to feel so insignificant and invisible in front of you, come up with better tactic. Because its my knowledge power which helps me to understand that, bullying is a psychological disorder which can be treated.

How come she got paid that high ?

Recently, Mariah Carey made the headlines with being the highest paid ever judge of the American Idol. US magazine was told by the insider, “ Mariah is getting paid $18 million with a year option to do a Idol, making her the highest paid judge on any music competition show”.

Fox news quoted her as saying, “ I am so excited to be joining American Idol. This kind of all just happened really quickly.”

American Idol creator and executive producer of the show, Simon Fuller remarked “we are proud to have one of the worlds greatest-ever female singer join in our show”.

Beginning of the month July Steven Tyler and Jennifer Lopez said that they were leaving American Idol, after two years as Judges. This show has given Jenifer Lopez a boost in her album sales and her popularity in the market also. She is very well known for getting the higher pay for whatever she does. But then how come it's Mariah Carey, who got paid higher than her ?

The news surfaces later on that, it was her husband, Nick Cannan who was tossing outrageous salary figures to the show executives, purely because he never wanted her to take that job. Carey’s husband, Nick happens to be the host of the America’s Got Talent. so he never wanted her to take that offer. Besides its his wish that Carey play a stay-at-home mother to their twins, at least until they turn five. When Carey said ‘yes’ to be the judge, it seems that she  also said ‘no’ to his wish to take the back seat in her life.

Accordingly the american tabloid National Enquirer, Nick was dangling incentives - diamonds jewellery, a luxurious spa vacation, even  promising to pay her a one time gift of $ 15 million for saying ‘No’.  

Is this just that Nick happens to be the rival show of the Idol or its that its not tolerable to him that his wife make a lot more money than him and that is not secret any more ?

But, to bring her star power to the show and to be the direct competitors of the rival show like The X Factor and America’s Got Talent, show's executive just picked up the outrageous salary also that was tossed on them.

and now the rumor is there that, their marriage is on the rocks.

Why men can't take this fact easily that their wife make more money than him, and they are more famous  and capable than them ? what it has to do with the relationship of heart ?

But it seems that it has everything to do in all relationship.