When sex is not the language of love

Physical relationship is inevitable in any adult relationship, if they are attracted to the opposite sex. If one is having an affair, sex is a pure expression of love. In fact, sex, is an honest expression of one's feeling; that adult express their feelings with their partner. When they fall in love, to show how much they love each other.  But to some it's just an act, adult do; to time pass, with their partner and to them it has nothing and nothing to do anything this is called love.

But to a young policeman, Shekhar, when he engaged with a woman physically for the first time, it was love and he wanted to marry Charulata, who was married and have two children. Besides, she was 10 years older than he too. But this being his first affair with intimate involvement, it was not just sex but the pure expression of his feelings for Charu. She had accepted it with, by submitting him, whenever he needed her [or she needed him] for the physical relationship. After some time like that, he started asking her to marry him. By saying so, he wanted her to leave her husband first, so that she can marry him.

But, to Charulata, she being a married woman, for her, sex is just an act, to fill avoidance of its existence in her married life. When Shekhar tried to reason with her saying “I love you, not just your body, so I want to marry you”, all his feelings meant nothing to her. She was just hungry for physical needs.  She used to deny bluntly for his marriage proposals.

When he realized all his request to marry with him, is falling on deaf ear, he felt denied and rejected. He felt being used for her need. Shekhar was a young police constable in armed police force. One day, he left his office with his gun, high powered gun; without any information to his office and went to Charu’s home to convince her, last time to marry with him. It was the 6:00 am in the morning and bit early for anyone to enter the house. This time he had no option but to ask it, in front of her husband and mother-in-law.  When Charu again denied to marry with him, saying she is already married, he took all of them to the nearby small forest and shoot them all. Charu, her husband and mother-in-law, killing all three on the spot. It was not his intention to kill the other two but Divendu and the mother-in-law also trying to convince him, “how can you ask to marry, a married woman with you ?”

To him good sex with her meant, full acceptance by this grown woman, who was 10 years older than him. But to Charu, It was just the sex and it was not the language of love.

Normally, our society has taught us to blame men for using woman just for a pleasure ride or for taking easily available. But this incident tells us, sex does  speak the language of love to them  and denial of it could be very fatal, just like above incident. Oh, yes I agree fully with you; not all the case end up like this. Men being the emotionally constipated creature, just block themselves up. Yeah, sometimes they use such words to the women, you just want to use your music phone on your ear  so high that you wontt hear, all those filthy words that is being targeted at all women. When they curse like that, they cover all the women on earth; not just the one who cheated them and devasted them.

And do you know what happens, when men use women for pleasure ride and sex is just power sex but not the language of love ? She ends up becoming the single mother.

Note : This incident is based on real life crime report, which happened in Indian city Kolkatta about a little more than a year  ago.

Where is the money ?

In recent months I am so addicted to watch crime show on Indian channel, all based on real life story. There is so much crime that goes on in everyday in India. But it is more interesting and amazing to see and watch the real reason behind those crimes.

Money is one of the major reasons, most crime do take place in this world and people are ready to kill anyone who gives them money. The killer don’t even know the name, who is he [ they are ] going to kill. All they are concerned about is, how much money they are getting for the killing. Yet, they are ready to kill anyone. Of course the rate varies from person to person and as per their financial condition or how desperately one wants other to be gone.

It was not easy to judge a mother, who hired to kill her own son, because he was too addicted to alcohol; she could not help, watching him dying slowly. So she gave just about Rs. 10,000 to kill him. It sure shocked, even her husband and father of his son to know who killed his own son. She ended up in jail.

It was also hard to judge a wife of a drunkard, who was spending time and money at the brothels, almost all the money, which he acquired from the sale of their ancestral. The wife wanted to save money for the education of her two children and her daughter's marriage. But her husband and the father of her two children, was not paying any attention, to this fact and was busy blowing money on his lust and drinking more. Then one day, when she had enough of his this kind of behaviour;  she spent about Rs. 20,000 to get two men to kill her own husband. She too ended up in Jail.

And then there was a man who himself was a police constable. Oh, yes I need to tell you this now, that at that time he was suspended from his work; when he hired one of his trusted man to kill his own wife. He was very abusive and used to torture her too much, and there was a  police complaint also, against him from her wife some years back. His trusted man did manage to hire some other people to hide the involvement in this case, so that the person involved in this case, name will never come out, if something does not work out.

So that mock up accident took place to kill his wife and when he saw his dying wife all covered in bandage lying in the hospital bed, it just broke his heart. Then he realised, what kind of mistake he has made. Then all he wanted to do is to save his wife. He was ready to pay any amount of money to save her, even more than what he paid for to kill her; which he did manage to get from his sources. But one day his own colleagues came in  hospital to get him and put him behind the bar. His 10 year old son knows, that it was his father who tried to kill his mother.

There was this family, again in India who left his wife and two sons for another woman. He did not have a child from his new partner. The big son grew up hating his father for leaving them for another woman but he still loved the property his father owned. Not surprisingly, one day, he used hired people to kill his father and his life partner using snake to kill them; so that it look like an accident, and his involvement will never come out in light. He too ended up in Jail.

But most of all what shocked me was to watch this guy, who was having serious financial drought in his business. He wanted to do something for his family before he die. He bought seven companies insurance policy papers, just before he plotted his own murder. He wanted to die in car accident, so that his family can claim the policy; but his repeated attempt failed. Having no other option, he dragged his best friend to do the deadly act, to kill him. He had persuaded his best friends to kill him, who very unwilling did the task. His combined insurance policy worth was 10.5 million. But this sly guy made a blunder in his fraud plan. He did not declare any other insurance company’s buyings about the other company policy paper.  Police could not sort this case, so it went to the Crime Division, after four month of this so called murder. When his family member went to insurance company to claim their policy, all seven went to court, saying this is a fraud case. So his family could not get a penny out of it. People do plot their own murder for money is hard to swallow, but its true case that happened in India.

So where is the money ? Money is in crime business. A recent survey done by UN, shows that the crime is among the top 20 economies in the worlds and it makes trillions of dollars annually. To be precise 2.1 trillion dollar, which Yuri Fedotov a head of the office on the drug and crime said  is equivalent  to nearly seven percent of the global economy.

According the UN report of those crime money, 2.4 million people may be victims of human trafficking worldwide at any given time. Human trafficking is a shameful crime of modern day slavery. Corruption is another concern of this report, as per this report, it estimates   40 billion dollar annually lost through corruption in the developing countries.

However the UN Report shows the other sources ,that make more money than killing your own family members. As per this report smuggling of counterfeit goods, firearms, drugs, human trafficking and even wildlife to amass their illicit profit.

The other Woman

Recently, I have been watching this one particular Indian TV serial, family drama. Its definitely not my type but still I have been watching this for couple of weeks now. How a happily married husband gets involved with another woman and how they get divorced and how the man moves on to live with the other woman.

At one side, there was a twelve years of marriage and three children and at the other side six months of affairs with other woman and then the divorce leads. But as a divorce conditions this indian housewife plays her best card to leave her husband with her three children’s custody with the other woman. It was her last attempt to get the bastard back in her life. Opps ! sorry for calling him ‘Bastard’, to get her husband back, in her life. In the meanwhile, she choose to stay next door as neighbour, just incase her children might need her.

In general, in our culture, it's been injected in our head, that the other woman is always bad or lets say projected her as a bad woman. When the man involved in all this is not. Why ? Even if, the husband is the one who choose the other woman; its the wife, who blames the other woman. Why ? Is not this is too much of discrimination ?

But for me more than that, where is the dignity of a woman ? to accept that its her husband, who got involved in, with the other woman. Why that woman was blamed for being bad ? and considered being the one who pulled her meek, innocent and obedient husband towards her.

The other day, I was watching another reality based crime show on TV. But it had very sad ending unlike above story, living with denial.

Husband got involved with other woman, who was her staff at the factory. He was rich and she was poor, widow and mother of two young boys.

One day, the wife came to know about this relationship and then she confronted her husband, giving him the ultimatum to leave her or else. But as in this kind of relationship happens, “ok, I will end this relationship from now onwards” “No, there is no such relationship, between us” or “you are just paranoid about this fictitious relationship with her”. But the doubt after that, never seems to end in wife’s mind.

And in fact, at times some men do juggle two woman at the same time but wife’s intuition really serves her the best. Specially, when he is having an affair with the other woman. In this case also the rich man’s wife went to the other woman's house to sort the case from her side, if her husband is not ending this. When she confronts her, the other woman bluntly refused to give up the relationship with her husband, saying her husband now loves her; not you, and we are soon going to marry.

At this point the wife betrayed and rejected shouts at the other woman that, “you are prostitute” and ‘the kind of relation you are having with my husband makes you plain ‘slut’. Personally to me, this kind of verbal war is more likely to cool the wife’s hurt ego rather than to damage the other woman’s image.

Why wives think that the intimate relation, they have with their husband is as pure as worship but the same relation or lets say the ‘act’ with other women, make sex sound so bad and filthy work ? Who is lying to whom ? Who is indignant in all this ? This kind of reaction from wives is; nothing more than the denial of truth.

After that first confrontation, one day, the rich man’s wife calls the other woman at her home to sort out the issue for once and final. Seeing how poorly she was living and presuming how needy she could be [of the money of her husband]; she throws the wads of notes at her saying, “this is what you need and it’s much more than you can make in all your life, I hope this much should be enough to leave my husband.”

At this point, I must add here one fact. Of course, the other woman occasionally used to ask money with his new man, which he always gave willingly as and when she needed and asked for it. This widow had two sons to raise all by herself and her meager salary was not enough to meet ends meet. But when she was offered money to leave her husband, she plainly refused to take the money, specially when it came with a condition to leave her new man, of course the irony of the truth is, that it was the other lady’s husband, she was refusing to leave. This relationship was going on for so many years.

To the wife this was just too much to hear from the other woman, and also see the confidence in her voice that, “he [your husband] loves me more than you, and soon we are going to marry. He is not someone, that I can trade for money as you think.” Confidence in her voice and poise just, broke the wife from within. It shattered her believe in her husband and in all that rejection, betrayal and reality bite of life she lost all her conscience. In that rejected, hurt and disgust condition of her mind, she thrashed the other woman; who was bit frail compared to her. The wife was strong enough to overpower her and smother her to suffocate and then before her anger really cools off, she finds out the other woman is dead. Her only daughter was at her home at that time but about to leave for school, so she could hide it from her and also from her husband of her heinous and murderous act.

When police was trying to find clues and interrogating everyone, including the man involved here, all the clue leads them to wife. No doubt, when police has already collected all the information against her then only; seeing nowhere to hide, she admits killing the other woman.

As I see all this drama going on my TV set. I was watching the man who just could not believe what her wife had done. It was the man who was involved in the extramarital affairs but it was his wife, who ends up in jail and the other woman was killed. There are times you just camt judge some men like this one in this case for having and maintaining two relationship at the same time. and some woman like his wife who makes this so easy to judge her and then her act afterwards. If only the wife could have accepted the situation just like that, she could not have ended up in jail. If only the man could give name to the relation he was having with other woman would have saved the dead woman. He simply could not leave his wife, just because, she was the mother of his child.

Why women [wives] just can’t accept that her husband, who loved her and only her for decades; now loves one more woman, why deny the truth and face the reality with dignity and move on in live. Blaming other woman is not going to solve the problem and the situation is not going to get any better.

Is blaming other woman and trying to get her out of sight really make your husband only yours ? is denial of truth is the only solution to all this problem or accepting it with dignity and moving in life as it comes ?

Sometimes, blaming all to other woman has other side of the story to tell. Its mainly because, the wife has no life of herself other than, that she is too much dependant to her husband for all her needs, I mean financially than emotionally. Using children as a trap to keep the husband, is oh, just too much to lie to herself that to any one.

Judging the man’s move is also not going to solve the issue here. I guess wives needs to accept the fact and move on in life. Know your self-respect and then dignify yourself and accept the truth as it cames.

There is another solution also to this : be willing to share him rather than involving in kind of criminal act and then ending up in jail, damaging so many lives while doing so.