During my recent visit to Chitwan, the other day, I stayed overnight with my poor brothers home and during leisure time I listened my Bhauju. She was blaming all to my brother for everything that went wrong in her life and not having anything at all in hand for them and also for her children as they are growing up and cost will rise high. Both of her girls are in college now. They are healthy, beautiful and doing good in college. Their young boy is in second grade in school. the youngest girl Sara is sixteen, passed school in distinction and won scholarship for her college study and she is very bright student also. The big girl who just turned 18 doing fine and both of them found a job also to keep themselves busy.
During my visit in Chitwan, I stay with my youngest brother’s home. Sure, this bhauju also has some issues with my brother and she repeatedly have told me : the famous saying of our society, can't exchange him, can't kill him. She too has her own dissatisfaction with him like all the couples in the world. If one blames my brother for not having anything in hand then the this one won't give him credit for what all she has. All she has now is she earned it herself. Because she worked hard for everything and deserves it. Oh, one thing for sure, I must tell you she did not come from the rich family who can provide her this or that to begin with my brother. As a matter of fact, she really has worked hard to multiply her money and she is good at it like Warren Buffet or that what I call her. Therefore, all the credit should go only to her for everything she has today. Like my other brother, her two boys are in good health, handsome and doing good in college.
Both my bhauju exaggerate their problems and especially if it has anything to do with my brother, they sure love to blow up things out of proportion. I paid close attention to my poor bhauju talk and I came to this conclusion after listening her for many years. She has the habit of seeing all the problems with magnifying glass. Fear is her biggest friends and enemy. Although; she appears to be very quiet by nature she is not that submissive when it comes to supporting her man and this gets my brother even if he may say it in different language. Men are hungry to get the approval from women all the time. How come a woman can blame it to him all if she do not have courage to start all by her own life, if something goes wrong. On the other hand my rich bhauju knowing my brother is careless and irresponsible, when it comes to finance and other things in life [ he is a religious leader and enjoys a top position in church] but my bhauju is not impressed by that fact, as it brings no money in home to run the family for day-to-day's job.
Looking at both women and seeing my brothers - I see that how can women blame to men all the time in family, whenever things go wrong ? Although, I am not much close with my brothers and when I call home I speak with my bhauju more than I speak with my brothers. Suddenly, I wanted to forget that, I am not a feminist and let's forget for a moment that I am the sister. But somebody who want to understand what is the core point here.
Do we enjoy blaming others for the things that goes wrong in our life all the time ? as we do not want to take the responsibility of it. In recent times, I am keeping close eyes in the women empowerment movement and I myself was on street demanding woments right when they were trying to make the constitution 2072. Some of the demands were ‘women friendly constitution’ and most of women's demand was ignored by the political leaders. I started reading some feminist online sites that was funded by foreign country. There is something serious in our thought of saying all the time that, ours is patriotic society and men are all the time in a position to suppress us.
I feel sorry for men who are under the tremendous pressure to make it in life at any cost, whether they are capable or not. We look up to them for their nod even if they had no clue what they need to do next. Some say out of respect they should be given then that right but how much respect ? When I am writing all this, I am reminded of a five year old boy of my friend with whom I share my flat for a more than a year. He was afraid of dark but he never put it in words,even at that young age. He could pee on his pant but won't go to the toilet which bulb was not working, even if we told him we are right here. He used to scream in anger for slightest things but if pushed a little bit more he used to cry in the next moment. Yet he put that mask of a macho man, a boy who won't cry like a girl; even though he feels like crying.
I feel sorry for men, they have to pretend who they are not and sometimes, some men do enjoy that extra power given to them. Many of them don't even know how to use that power and sure not knowing all the time how to use it many of them misuse it. I have now have grown enough to see women who love to blame men for being abusive, violent and angry all the time are on the fault side themselves. Now, I know for sure women who blame it all to them are not responsible enough to take the blame of their own flaws. It's really easy to blame it to anyone, what difference it makes if that other person is her man ?
May be for good or bad they are very religious and their religion bars them to walk out from the marriage they tied once. So, I know they will be with them together for bad and bad and poor and poor.
But my mind is in deep thought, do we need men to blame ? I really don't find my brothers any superior or inferior than my bhauju but how do they handle the situation decides how good or bad their life will be. I think there is expiry date when we blame others for our life and this is the right time my both bhauju better stop blaming my brothers for everything that goes wrong in their life. we must learn to take responsibility. He is not that smart to take all the burden of life, he sure needs her to share the burden.
